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But remember, a long-distance BDSM relationship isn't easy, and nothing worth fighting for is easy. But if you can trust, respect, and support each other when you're apart, just imagine how powerful your bond will be once you're together. Welcome to the Dom Subliving Podcast, where you'll learn how to break free from the vanilla rut, unlock your true potential as a dominant or submissive, and finally make BDSM a lifestyle. I'm your kinky guide, Alessandra. So I kind of mentioned this in the episode I did about my good, bad, and ugly of 2023. But last year, my Dom, Jay, he started working out of town, about 400 miles out of town. So um we live in Southern California in the LA area, and he started commuting to the Bay Area, the San Francisco Bay Area. So I shared all of the reasons why um we did that and are still doing that. I shared all of those reasons in that episode. So definitely check that one out if you haven't yet. But um just to give you an overview overview, he's pretty much gone all week. So like Monday um through Thursday night, he's gone every week and is just home on the weekends. And in the beginning, we thought this was going to be great, that it would give us some time apart so we can still kind of be ourselves, do our own thing. Um, and then like they say, abstinence makes the heart go stronger. So we thought, well, then when we're home, it'll just make that time more meaningful. But really quick, the the novelty wore off and it became really difficult. We really, really missed each other during the week and um things come up like they normally do, and we would have arguments. And then on the weekend, it was time to kind of do damage control and clean everything up and catch up on some things, and then he was off again, you know, going back to the Bay Area. Fortunately, we were able to nip things in the bud before we kind of completely derailed, and I share more of that in that good, bag, good, bad, and ugly episode. But um we were totally able to revamp our DS dynamic and get back on track. And I can gladly say that now things are actually better than ever. We have a really good system, things are going really, really good, and we have a really good routine, and things are kinkier than ever, and we're just really enjoying our dynamic. So I thought maybe I'd share some of my biggest tips when it comes to long-distance relationships. Um, and these are hacks that have helped me and my students too. I know we're not, you know, a full long-distance couple, like you may be, you know, you may be separated by, you know, states or whole countries, even different time zones, and may not be able to see each other for months. But these are just some tips that, like I said, I've picked up along the way that have helped me and Jay and have helped my students. And even if you're not in an actual long-distance relationship, maybe you live with your partner, but these tips can help you um, even when you're just apart in general, maybe, you know, just during the day when, you know, when you're at work or when you're traveling or whatever. And I wanted to let you know too at the beginning of this episode that I also have some worksheets that you can download that go along with this episode to help you. So um they're completely free and you can do them by yourself or with your partner, you can do them separately or together virtually, and you can download them for free at domsubliving.com slash LDR. So, my first big tip is to get creative with technology because technology can be a lifesaver when it comes to long distance BDSM relationships. You know, you may be texting all the time, and that's great, it's easy, it's convenient, but after a while that can get kind of boring. Texting kind of gets boring, and that's that's what we found in our own dynamic. There's only so much you can do with texting. So definitely don't neglect all of the other kinky ways that you can be enjoying technology. So get creative, think out of the box. Um, but I'll give you some ideas. So definitely, obviously, the first one we all know is things like FaceTime and Zoom. We've been, you know, using Zoom since the pandemic, it seems like we all know what Zoom is, but definitely have some face-to-face, even if it's screen to screen, having some of that actual connection where you see the other person. And that is something that Jay and I neglected. It was just mostly texting. And now we try to see each other, you know, virtually. So we're actually again face to face. And so get creative. You can have a meal together, you can even do a scene together. Um, that's really exciting. You can play different games. Um, and so you can just prop up your your phone or your iPad in the room somewhere. The dominant can give the submissive instructions and you can even have a full scene that way. Another thing you can do with technology is watch a BDSM movie together. And if you need ideas for that, my favorite BDSM movie, if you haven't watched it already, go watch Secretary. Um, it is my absolute favorite. But again, you can just kind of set up your laptop or or iPad, whatever you're watching on, and just press play at the same time, and you can both watch the movie together and talk about it. Another thing you can do with technology that I highly recommend, um, even if you are living with your partner, is to have an online journal for the submissive. Um, so again, whether you're long distance or not, a sub should have a journal, a place that they can write freely in, and that um, you know, if if they're consenting to, that the DOM can also access to kind of know what's going on in the submissive's mind. Um, one of the easy ways, easiest ways to do this is to um if you're using something like the an iPhone or an iPad with Apple, we just use the the Apple notes feature. You can do that, and the submissive can write in there, and also the dominant will get an alert when something new is added, and so that's a really neat feature, too. Um, and it's free, it comes with your phone if you're using iPhone. But so I I definitely recommend using some type of journal for the submissive to write in, but then also for the DOM to be able to have access to that. So that was my first tip is to get creative with technology. So my next tip is to create a schedule you can follow. So why a schedule is so important is because it gives you a routine and something to look forward to instead of just doing things on a whim, because life is gonna get in the way and you need some kind of structure. So having tasks for the submissive to do is um a really great way to for also for the submissive not to feel lonely when they're in this long-distance relationship. And it's also a great way for the Dom to still feel like they have some control in the relationship, even though there's that distance, because issues are going to come up and the Dom can't be there physically. So having this schedule is kind of like a way to still oversee their life, it helps keep the submissive focused and so that they're not getting overwhelmed with all of the choices that they're having to make in their own life. And so, again, even if you're not in a long-distance relationship, this is something again I recommend. So, what you can include in your schedule is things like wake-up times and going to bed times, different meal times. You can even have different time blocks for tasks like journaling and kneeling, little space-time if you're into age play or DDLG. Um, another task the DOM can assign their sub is just giving them like a certain BDSM research topic to do each day. Also set exercise times, and then also scheduling in aftercare. So, especially if you're if you are doing virtual scenes, you don't want to be neglecting aftercare because subdrop can be even more intense when you have that distance between you two. So a lot of the the general after aftercare tips that we tell people, um, those can be adapted for distance, and you know, or this the DOM can just instruct their sub to do those tasks. So that was the second tip to create a schedule you can follow. And the third tip is to get creative with punishments because just because you're a part, it doesn't mean that a disobedient sub can't be punished or be given roles. So, of course, like you can't do typical things like a spanking, but um you can get creative, and a lot of the punishments that work for in-person relationships can be adapted. So, again, just to give you some ideas, um the submissive can have to take a cold shower for like one to two minutes, and maybe they have to videotape themselves for proof. And so all of these, um, the submissive can can have to submit proof, like in the form of like a photo or a video. And it goes without saying, but these are all things that are within the submissive's agreed-upon limits, too. So hopefully we're all all on the same page with that. But another punishment can be having to snap a rubber band on the submissive wrist, you know, a certain number of times, wearing nipple clamps for a certain amount of time, having to text that, you know, picture as proof, handwriting, you know, the same sentence 50 times, mailing it back to the DOM. So again, just like any punishment you would do in a dynamic can be adapted. And if you're still running out of ideas, you can grab my list of um over 30 punishment ideas at domsubliving.com slash punish. It has, you know, lots of different punishments for different dynamics, and so you can definitely use that for inspiration. But so that was my third tip to get creative with punishments. And then tip number four is to learn together online. So online BDSM education is great for long-distance couples because it gets you communicating, experimenting together, even when you are apart physically. And it doesn't have to be expensive either. Um, like I mentioned earlier, I have those free worksheets you can download. So you can download those at domsubliving.com slash LDR and you can go through those together. But taking something like an online course, that will definitely help you to deal with the issues and the problems of a long distance relationship because you'll have that step-by-step plan to go through to have a better and more satisfying connection and be able to take your BDSM relationship to that next level. And a course is also a great way for both of you to have that like online mentor and coach to help give you, you know, reliable advice and real life advice and tips to help you along your journey. And you can also give them as like a surprise gift to your partner too while you're in a long-distance dynamic. And so that can be something to help them so they don't get bored or lonely. And if you're a student of any of our courses, I highly recommend that you take the course with your partner. So whatever course you're in, just share your login information with your partner, and that way you can both access it and you can both take the course together, and that way you can massively improve your dynamic. So that was the fourth tip to learn together online. Now, tip number five, our last tip, and this is a tip I think so many people don't do. They just for whatever reason, they they don't even think to do it, but it's to set an end date for your long distance relationship. And I know that seems almost kind of harsh, but hear me out. So even if you're having fun and enjoying your long-distance relationship, it needs to end at some point. I'm sorry to break it to you, but hopefully this means that whatever situation is keeping you apart, that hopefully that will be resolved and you can physically be together permanently. So with Jay and I, you know, we do have an end date. We have, you know, short-term end dates where we know that I'm going to see him every Friday and we're going to have that weekend. So that gives us something to look forward to. And then also more long term, we know that his work is seasonal. So in the winter time, we're gonna have more time together. And then hopefully he'll get to retire early, and um, we'll get to see each other more and more. But so setting a date for when you'll be able to end your long-distance dynamic, um, setting that date just really helps you to endure the hard times. Um, it helps prevent problems and issues because you have that end in sight. It gives you something to look forward to. So you definitely want to get with your partner and set that end date together, um, brainstorm and really work hard at making it happen. And those free free worksheets I mentioned, they actually have like a way to do that that can make it, you know, even easier for you. So those were our five ways to master long-distance DS relationships. So, tip number one was to get creative with technology. Number two was to create a schedule you can follow. Number three was get creative with punishments. Number four was learn together online, and number five is set an end date. So be sure to follow those tips and hacks we mentioned, and that way you can have a successful long-distance DS relationship. But remember, a long-distance BDSM relationship isn't easy, um, and nothing worth fighting for is easy. But if you can trust, respect, and support each other when you're apart, just imagine how powerful your bond will be once you're together. And if you need help with your dynamic, remember I have those free worksheets you can download that go along with this episode. Um, they'll help you in your long distance um DS relationship. They're completely free. And you can do them by yourself or with your partner, and you can download them at domsubliving.com slash LDR. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you for joining me and being a part of the Dom Sub Living community. You can check out all of the details and links for this episode in the description and show notes. And be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sub Living.