SPEAKER_03 0:00

That was a complete like put the brakes on. This is different. I wasn't allowed to keep things to myself. He wanted to know my wants, my needs, my dreams, my desires. He wanted to know how I was feeling, what I like, what I don't like, what my limits were, and help me grow. And it was just so hard for me to be able to, you know, come to him with things because I was so used to just burying it down deep inside.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Welcome to the Dom Sub Living Podcast, where you'll learn how to break free from the vanilla rut, unlock your true potential as a dominant or submissive, and finally make BDSM a lifestyle. I'm your kinky guide, Alessandra. Today we're going to do things a little different, really fun. I'm going to share an interview I did at last year's Dom Sub Dynamics Summit that I hosted. It was an interview with someone who's actually one of my Dom Sub training students. And what I love about what she says in this interview is she gives us her key action step everyone can take to improve their Dom Sub dynamic. This person comes from a relationship coaching background, and she's going to share with us today how she was able to find her footing as a submissive and overcome a lot of mindset struggles that you may have on your journey as a Domer sub too. And coming out of this interview, I was left really inspired, and I think you will too, but she shares some of her best tips for mastering your mindset as a Dahmer sub. So let's hear from Leanne today from kinkyourway.com. Her business is dedicated to exploring and embracing the diverse world of kink and alternative lifestyles. And she offers a wide range of resources, educational content, and community support to help individuals explore their desires and preferences in a consensual and informed manner. So we're all about that. And I'm just really privileged to have her as one of my students, but also as a dear friend, too. So let's explore all of this. Here's the interview with Leanne Heron from KinkYourWay.com. So welcome, Leanne. It's so nice to have you here.

SPEAKER_03 2:20

Thank you, Alessandra. I appreciate the invitation and I really look forward to working with the community.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Yeah, yeah, definitely. So we can jump right in with the questions. So first I wanted to ask you maybe just start off by giving us an overview of your journey and how you got started with the Dom Sub lifestyle. Sure.

SPEAKER_03 2:44

Actually, you know, my initial introduction to Inc. and BDSM was probably erotica, um, reading books on my commute to and from work. I used to ride a train. Um, but I was in a 20-year marriage, a very vanilla marriage. Um, and the last probably 10 years of that were sexless. Um, my ex got addicted to some meds and it stopped there. It didn't end up ending our marriage. Um, so about a year after our divorce, um, I was really blessed and met a switch out on a date off of a dating website. Um, and like one of his first questions in person was, What's your kink? And I was like, Oh, um, what are you talking about? You know, I had never even broached that subject or, you know, topic. Um, but he was wonderful. He had been in the community for years, um, had a lot of connections with people on both sides of the slash. And, you know, since I was interested in learning, he wanted to make sure I learned safely. Um, and just, you know, introduced me to the right people, leaders in the community on both sides of the slash. Um, and I was able to learn and grow in safe environments. Um, and so I was just really blessed. And then a few years in, I started dating my um and I actually call him Sir, and uh found out that you know he was in the lifestyle and had been since like college. Um, so he'd been in a lot longer than me, but um, you know, we just had that immediate connection um and just melded into a beautiful relationship.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

That's awesome. So, one question I had was that you said when you were starting to um date and learn that um your partner wanted to really make sure it was like a safe experience. So, like what were some of the things that that you know made you have that found foundation of safety?

SPEAKER_03 5:10

Um, he introduced me to, you know, like a femdom group, and I was able to go to private play parties and really get to know them and get to experience and learn from, you know, dominatrixes or, you know, just femdoms. Um, and I got to, you know, try my hand at, you know, having a male submissive. Um, and I I pretty quickly realized that that really wasn't an interest for me. Like I like to switch when I'm playing, but um, I was definitely born and raised to be a submissive.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Yeah, me, me too. I I totally feel you there.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Um so, you know, and then I got to be on the other side of the slash and go to to play parties and munches and just feel safe. Like I always knew that somebody was kind of watching my back and you know, making sure I wasn't just getting lost in sub-frenzy and wanting to try everything and not being safe. They made sure that I learned in safe environments.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

That's really good because, you know, there's, you know, kind of this like almost stereotype that, you know, there's like so many fake DOMs out there. And while there is, it kind of um overshadows the fact that the the BDSM community as a whole is really welcoming, is really, you know, big on safety. So I'm I'm really glad that you got to experience that. So that's really beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

Thank you. I was very lucky. I mean, I count my blessings every day. I never got myself in a bad situation, um, was always treated with respect. Um, and they just let me, you know, grow and learn.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Yeah, that's that's really, really nice. So, what are some of the mindset hurdles that you had to overcome on your journey?

SPEAKER_03 7:06

The biggest one for me was communication, like with my sir. Uh, because, you know, as I said, I was raised to be submissive, but I was raised to be silent, seen and not heard. Um, you know, respectful, take care of my spouse, raise my children. Uh, I didn't have an opinion, I didn't have needs and wants and desires. Um, everything was, you know, set aside to take care of my family and raise my kids and be there for my husband. Um so, and it also was a point where we didn't really have good communication in our marriage. Like it was easier for me to not say anything or voice an opinion or a need or a want. Um, so I just basically learned to pick my battles and not have communication. Um, and he never seemed to want it. So it was fine. Uh, but you know, when I started dating and married my sir, that was a complete like, put the brakes on, this is different. Um, I wasn't allowed to keep things to myself. He wanted to know my wants, my needs, my dreams, my desires. He wanted to know how I was feeling, what I like, what I don't like, what my limits were, um, and helped me grow. And it was just so hard for me to be able to, you know, come to him with things because I was so used to just burying it down deep inside. So that was probably my biggest hurdle that took time to overcome. But, you know, he understood, he was patient with me, and he really learned to read me pretty quickly. So instead of like, you know, holding things in for weeks, days, months, years, it was a day or you know, a half a day. And I was finally able to know that I had to bring my stuff to him and be able to do that, be able to say, sir, I need to speak. Um, sir, can we have this conversation? I'm struggling with such and such. Um, but that was really hard for me because it just was so different having somebody that wanted to hear me.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

Yeah, yeah. I mean, in a dom-sub relationship, communication, I think, is, you know, so much more important, even than in a vanilla relationship. I think there's so much more focus on that. So, how long do you think it took you to kind of finally know that this is a safe place and that you can speak up and be comfortable with speaking up? How long do you think you know that that part lasted?

SPEAKER_03 9:59

Um, I would say, you know, maybe only a couple of months. Um, because my sir is very attentive. Um, and so it made it easy. Um, I still struggled with my own inner demons, but you know, he was able to really help me bloom and blossom, you know, in my submission. Um, so it it wasn't long. I mean, I still had hurdles every once in a while. Um, you know, even within the last year, uh, when I quit my job and was home full time, um, he likes to watch the news. And I cannot handle the news. It's too much negativity. And so it became very hard for me. It was almost physically painful. Um, and so I had to come to him and just, you know, let him know what it was doing to me. It was making me fear leaving the house or fear going into a bank, or you know, just general feel. Fear was just overwhelming. So even though I felt safe in our home and in our space and together outside our home, I didn't feel safe. Whether or not I was with him. Like if he'd get out of the car and I'd stay in the car, I feared for his safety as well, as well as my own.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:27

Um so being able to, you know, come to him with the one thing I knew was so important in his life was his news. And just say, you know, I I I can't. If my option is to be in the room with you while you're watching news, it's a problem. Yeah. And so it was like almost instantaneous. He just like reached over, grabbed the remote, and click, and that was it. Um, so news is not on when I'm home. Um, he's not buried under newspapers. Um, he's focused on me and my mental health. And so it's it still comes up periodically where I have to remember my place and remember that I need to bring things to his attention that he can't read my mind.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Yeah, definitely. And and wouldn't you say too that there's a difference in how we approach our DOMs like with an issue, like just in our approach and how we do it can go a long way to you know, softening the tension, softening the conflict too. Like, have you noticed that? Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 12:41

I spend more time thinking to myself the proper approach than thinking to myself what's actually bothering me. And that's okay, that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

Yeah, yeah. One thing I do is I write a lot. So I'll I'll write out my response first, you know, because sometimes, especially when you're upset, it doesn't come out right the first time. So like I write it, no, that's not what I want to say, cross it out, and you know, keep trying to get it better and better until you know I know it's you know respectful and I know that it's you know showing my my place and that you know it'll be more favorable to him, you know, and to ease that conflict. Yeah, it's all the things we have to learn as submissives on our journey. So absolutely. Um, okay, so can you share some of like your best tips for mastering your mindset as like a DOM or sub in the lifestyle?

SPEAKER_03 13:40

Um, for me, probably one of the biggest things, which was, you know, just having healthy habits um and routines and rituals and you know, not only starting my day with root rituals and routines, but actually starting it the night before to lessen any stress, any worries. So, you know, making sure the coffee pot set and ready, the the kitchen is clean, lunches are packed, uh, my workout clothes are ready, my water bottles filled, my headphones are charged, you know, all those little things that become routine really help me start my morning in the right place. And, you know, I'm blessed that most mornings, unless my body wakes me up early, my sir wakes me up. Um, and he'll come in and he'll touch my head and wait till I awake. And and that immediately starts my morning in a mindset for him. You know, I have I have time to practice gratitude and you know be grateful for the bed that we share, for the life that we have, um for for him and how he cares and loves me. Um and then I'm able to, you know, just go on about my morning, but I'm mindful all the time that everything I do reflects on me that reflects on Sir. You know, so our home is clean, our our clothes are maintained and clean and ironed and and all that kind of stuff. Um, getting in my exercise um really helps my mindset as well. Um, it's my mental health for sure. Um, I can choose to listen to, and usually I do, I'll choose to listen to a podcast, um, whether it's, you know, uh Evie Lupine or Loving BDSM or, you know, I found a new one called the Good, the Bad, and the Horrible. Um, but I can listen to a podcast while I'm working out, as opposed to just music. Like I focus on what is going to improve me and improve my health so that I can always be the best me for sure.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Yeah, no, definitely. I think you know, it's like with all things, like if you don't use it, you lose it. So it's like if you're not surrounding yourself with, you know, the lifestyle and learning from others, like like you said through podcasts, you know, you kind of get lost in the vanilla day-to-day. So I love how you said, you know, making it a part of your routine. And I think that's, you know, so so helpful, you know, for for Doms and for subs.

SPEAKER_03 16:50

And so, I mean, that's my probably one of my biggest tips um is just to take care of myself so that as long as my cup is full and overflowing, I am in my best service to him when I give and give and give and don't make time for myself. I just don't give him my best self. Yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

And then that makes total sense.

SPEAKER_03 17:22

Yeah. I I I, you know, raising kids and having a job outside the home. Um, you know, I was always drained. Never felt like I had enough energy. And it ended up making me resentful. Um, and now it's like completely the flip opposite. Like it's my purpose. You know, I I want to be my best self for us.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

Yeah, definitely. Because like some of the things you mentioned, you know, vanilla people do those things too, like exercising and you know, you know, meditation, listening to podcasts, things like that, you know, getting in the right mindset. But for Doms and subs, when we do those things, it has, like you said, like a higher purpose. You know, there's a a point why we're doing it. So yeah, definitely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

Yeah. And I don't, you know, I don't wake up dreading, like, oh, I've got to get a workout done or oh, I gotta do this. You know, I wake up raring to go to just be my best self, start my day in a good place, and and have the energy I need to to do everything I need to do throughout the day. Um and so my other, you know, tip is is education. It is probably one of the the most important things for me. Um, I don't think I ever stop learning. Um I'm always taking classes, I'm always attending summits and seminars and webinars and um reading books and just getting as much current information from the people that are the best in their field. Um, you know, I want to learn from somebody that's gone before me and you know has most of the answers or all of the answers, um, and just learn from the best people around me so that I can always be at my best.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. So what would you say is like the key action step? Excuse me, everyone should like take to improve their DOM sub dynamic.

SPEAKER_03 21:13

Again, I think I'm gonna say education. I think really um being current, uh, you know, watching, like I love Sunny Megatron. Um I love Midori. I love Evie Lupine, you know, I I love people that are constantly doing the research and putting the most current information out there because it makes me stronger or it gives me information to maybe try something I haven't tried before. Um, so I can say, you know, I can tell sir, you know, I saw this on this podcast. Is it something maybe we can try or I'd be interested in? Um and he really respects that I love education because he's you know an educator. Um and so uh it's a good connection for us and it constantly keeps us talk talking on topic, you know, like on current topics for our relationship.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Yeah, yeah. Not that many couples have something like that where you know they have this shared mutual interest that benefits the relationship. So that's that's really beautiful that you know, you know, us Dom sub couples have that to talk about.

SPEAKER_03 22:41

Yeah. So that's probably my biggest suggestion for most people is you know, never stop learning. Always try to get the most current information and learn from a lot of different people, get a lot of different perspectives because I think perspective it just is more exciting, like, okay, I didn't think about that, or oh, that's interesting. Um, even yesterday I did a short demo um on electroplay with an anesthetician. And so I learned from her how she uses the violet wand or neon wand while she learned from me. So it was exciting, you know. It was like, oh, I didn't know it could be used. For that. She was like, Oh, I didn't know you could use it for that. Like, she didn't understand that it could be sensual or exciting, or you know, so to me, it's just it's it's really exciting and nice to be able to have people that I can share that with.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Yeah. And I always say, like, especially, you know, those of us that are educators and instructors in the lifestyle, I always say, like, none of us have a monopoly on this information. You know, it's we all, you know, we've learned, you know, we've taken classes, and, you know, now that, you know, we've perfected it, then we can share it with others, but none of us have a monopoly on it. And so we can share it. You know, there's always something to learn from someone else about their take on it. So um, like you said, you know, learning from as many people and in their style and their take on it is just really, really such an amazing thing. And then because then we can turn around and make it our own. So yeah, totally, totally agree. And I know you have um some resources to help make it easy for everyone to overcome their mindset hurdles. So you um can you tell us a little bit about that and um your website? Sure.

SPEAKER_03 24:47

Um, I have two websites. I have uh a Kink Your Way website, which is um because I am a health and life coach, um, I wanted to be able to also be a kink aware professional to help people in the community have an avenue for someone to talk to and not, you know, worry about shame or judgment and just be able to be themselves. Um, and then I have my coaching business, which is separate but not separate, um, which is finding resilience with Liam. Um and in that I also have um I do studio uh events where I host every week um like guided meditation and sound healing and just a safe space for women to come together in a place where they can talk about, you know, their sex life or whatever they're having going on in their home in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Um so for the resource that I've done for both my coaching clients as well as for people in the lifestyle, which is something very important to me, is having that morning routine. Um, so I've created a workbook um that kind of explains, you know, my daily routine and what it does or how those things start my day in a submissive mindset and keep me in a submissive mindset all day.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Yeah, that's that's so important. So um, yeah, everyone who's watching, be sure to grab um the the summit all access pass because Leanne has that amazing submissive morning routine workbook in it. And um, I've been going through it, I've been loving it. So we'll have a link to that below this video, along with her um link to her website. But um yeah, Leanne, you know, I've loved having you as a student in our Dom Sub training course. And just thank you so much for being here today. Um, and just sharing your incredible journey and all of this wonderful information and and sharing it, you know, so so freely and from just a place of giving. I just I really appreciate that. So it's been nice having you here.

SPEAKER_03 27:23

Oh, thank you so much. And I, you know, I'm constantly going back through my trainings, re-watching your videos, going through my workbooks. Um, because as things change, it's nice to see that change. Um it's nice to say, oh, well, this was once a hard limit, but it's not anymore. You know, where was that change? Um, so yeah, I have a notebook that I keep everything, you know, that I've gotten from you and the multiple trainings I've done with Dom Sub Living. And I share it with others to, you know, show them what they can experience if they, you know, purchase your products. And and I'm very proud of what you do. It is, it is amazing, and I'm honored to be part of your group.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Thank you. Well, um, yeah, so everyone watching, be sure to head to those resources that Leanne mentioned and take note of those action steps that she said so that way you can start putting these strategies into place in in your relationship today. But um, yeah, we will see you next time. Thank you. Take care. Wow, I hope you enjoyed that interview with Leanne. If you want to check her out and check out her digital workbook, head to kinkyourway.com. She also has a great podcast called Kink Your Way, and I had the privilege of being a guest on her show. Now, all the links and resources will be on our show notes page at domsubliving.com/slash zero one six. But I'm really in awe of her story and seeing her progress over the years. So hopefully it sparked you to take action, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for you. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you for joining me and being a part of the Dom Subliving community. And a huge thank you to Leanne. You can check out all of the details and links for this episode in the description and show notes. And be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sub Living.