Welcome to the Dom Sub Living Podcast, your go-to kinky resource, so you can get out of the vanilla rut, become the best Dominant or submissive you can be, and make BDSM a lifestyle. Explore the many facets of the Dom/sub lifestyle and gain practical insights and tips to enhance your journey.
Your host, Alesandra Madison, is a renowned BDSM educator, empowering individuals and couples to embrace their sensual selves. As the creator of Domsubliving.com, Alesandra promotes sex education, healthy power dynamics, and open communication. With a commitment to inclusivity, she helps kinksters create authentic and fulfilling intimate experiences.
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#017: Are you struggling to find a legitimate Dom or sub partner? In this episode, we dive into the secrets of navigating the BDSM dating scene. Alesandra provides guidance on finding a genuine partner, addressing past relationships, creating a wish list, vetting potential partners, and authentically presenting yourself. She also shares more about her best-selling course, 4 Steps to Finally Find Your Perfect Partner course, so you can find your perfect match fast!
Vetting is a crucial step that a lot of people actually miss because I think they have this frenzy and they're just so excited. But it's really crucial for having a safe and fulfilling relationship, whether you're just doing a short scene, even, or if it's going to be a long-term relationship. Welcome to the Dom Subliving Podcast, where you'll learn how to break free from the vanilla rent, unlock your true potential as dominant or submissive, and finally make BDSM a lifestyle. I'm your kinky guide, Alessandra. Today we're tackling a topic that I know is on a lot of your minds. It's how to find a legitimate Dom or sub partner. Especially with Valentine's Day around the corner, you may be feeling lonely if you're a single Dom or sub. Maybe you've been doing this BDSM thing for a while, but maybe finding a long-term relationship partner may seem out of reach. Or maybe you're brand new to the scene and you're eager to put into practice what you're learning, but um it may be hard to find someone to practice with. And let's also not forget about the challenges of meeting people in the BDSM community who might only be interested in sex or money. Or you may have shyness that may be holding you back from making deeper connections. Or maybe you are in a relationship, but you're having a hard time finding that special third partner, that that unicorn to enhance your dynamic. So, whatever the situation is for you, I want to assure you that you're not alone and it's not impossible to find a BDSM partner. I've talked to hundreds of kinksters who've been stuck in the same spot and have been able to overcome it. And the good news is that now is actually the best time to connect with your local kink community and meet other people in the lifestyle. I kind of talked a little bit about this back in episode four, but the BDSM community is more acceptable and welcoming than ever. So it's a great time to dive in, and there's lots of ways to find groups and meetups, and even if you have a busy schedule, there are lots of great dating apps that are kink-friendly, um, even ones I've personally used and my students have used. And if you're a member of my How to Find Your Perfect Partner course, you have access to that whole list and all of the resources too. But before you dive into a new dynamic, as exciting as it may be, you need to review your past relationships. So while you're still single now, this is the perfect time to go back and kind of review what worked, what didn't. Um, so that way you don't repeat those same mistakes twice. And a good place to start is by journaling your answer to these questions. So question number one is what didn't I get in those relationships that I needed? Number two is what role did I play in the ending of the relationships? Number three is what do I like about my past partners? And four, what didn't I like about my past partners? And five, what did I do right in those relationships? And six, what can I do differently in my next relationship? And seven, what I want myself as a partner and why? And eight, what do I want for myself that doesn't involve having a partner? These questions may be tough, but it's necessary for you to be able to grow as a Dom or sub. So really take time to journal about these and be honest with yourself and reflect on the answers, make any needed changes and give yourself time to heal too. You also want to make a wish list to help you find a BDSM partner. And now that you've worked out all of these issues from your past, now it's time to start looking towards your future. So make a list of all the qualities that you want in your prospective partner. This will act as a type of agreement with yourself so that way you can keep your senses and say no when your heart and your hormones may be saying yes. So things you may want to put into that list include things like age range, how long you've been in the BDSM lifestyle, views towards a polyamorous relationship, their feelings about pain play, punishments, and training, any physical attributes, what they're willing to do sexually, are long distance or online relationships okay, other personal qualities, and any deal breakers. Because once you find a potential dom or sub partner, you need to start properly vetting them. So vetting means having a conversation where you ask questions and go over what you like and what you don't like. And if you want an easy way to kind of do this, you can grab my free checklist at domsubeliving.com/slash checklist. But vetting is a crucial step that a lot of people actually miss because I think they have this frenzy and they're just so excited. But it's really crucial for having a safe and fulfilling relationship, whether you're just doing a short scene, even, or um, if it's going to be a long-term relationship. So you want to make sure you're vetting people the right way. But of course, whether you're meeting people online or in real life, you need to know how to attract your ideal partner. Now, this isn't about changing who you are, but rather just presenting your authentic self in the best light. And you want to be the best you can be in your role as a dominant or submissive because remember, right now you are your future partner's dom or sub. And you may be thinking, well, how do I let someone know that I'm into kink? So maybe you're on the dating apps, or maybe you're even talking to vanilla people you're interested in. It can be kind of intimidating and scary, but it's actually pretty easy to bring it up without being creepy. You just have to do it the right way. So remember, finding a legitimate dom or sub might seem daunting, but with the right approach and mindset, it's more than possible. And if you need help finding a Dom or sub partner, think of me as your kinky matchmaker because I've helped hundreds of kinksters to find a partner with my course, Four Steps to Finally Find Your Perfect Partner, and you can check it out at DomSubliving.com/slash find your partner. I created this course because I'm passionate about helping people find their long-term DS partner, and I truly believe that creating a BDSM relationship doesn't have to involve weeding through fakes or scammers. So if you're interested and you're ready to stop being alone and single, you can check out that course at DomSubliving.com slash find your partner. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you for joining me and being a part of the Dom Subliving community. You can check out all of the details and links for this episode in the description and show notes. And be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Subliving.
