SPEAKER_00 0:00

And this is one of the things that I which made me think I was a switch was because when I'm more happier and confident that I would kind of start acting more dominant. You know, over time I did really realize, like, no, I'm a submissive. I'm always going to be a submissive, I think. Welcome to the Dom Sub Living podcast, where you'll learn how to break free from the vanilla bread, unlock your true potential as a dominant or submissive, and finally make BDSM a lifestyle. I'm your thinky guide, Alessandra. Let me ask you some questions. So, are you intrigued by the power dynamics of BDSM, but can't quite decide where you fit in? Or do you ever find yourself fantasizing about taking control and then in the blink of an eye wanting to surrender control? Well, you might be walking the thrilling line of a switch and embodying the best of both worlds. So in today's episode, we're diving into the surprising signs that suggest you might be a switch, exploring the fluidity of power, desire, and identity. I also wanted to share with you my kink personality type quiz so you can discover where you fall on the kink spectrum, and you can take it for free at domsubliving.com slash quiz. It's super fun, super quick, and it will give you a personalized roadmap too. So you can take it for free at domsubliving.com slash quiz. As a BDSM educator, a lot of people will ask me, like, what exactly is a switch? And how do you know you're a switch? Or they'll, you know, give me a list of reasons why they think they are a switch or they aren't a switch. And honestly, I've even wondered it myself too, if I may be a switch, because even though I identify as submissive and have for the longest time of my adult life, I do like to have control in some areas too. And also, if you ask my Dom, I am a very stubborn person that sometimes likes to have my way. So there's been other things that have come up in my life, and I have wondered sometimes, am I a switch? And so that's really why I wanted to create this episode. So a switch is an identity and a role in the BDSM community, and it really kind of embodies this fluidity and just the diversity of both the dominant and submissive roles. And we'll get into, you know, all of the details in a little bit. But the aim of this episode is just to really explore those unexpected signs and feelings that might indicate that you may be a switch, and just encourage you to embrace that full range of your personal desires and all of the different dynamics that are out there too. So, first we need to understand the spectrum of BDSM roles. You know, when you're looking at the acronym of BDSM, Dominant and Smissive are in there. And so when we think of BDSM roles, that's typically what we think of the DOM and the sub. But there is also this third option, this switch. And so what I've always loved about BDSM is just that there is just this huge spectrum. So it's not even like, you know, DOM, sub, and in the middle is switch. It can ebb and flow and go back and forth, and it has all these ranges. And so it is just a beautiful thing. So it would make sense that we don't have these hard and fast rules, or it's just black and white that, you know, someone is a DOM or someone is a submissive, or even that someone is a switch. So it's a little harder than that. And so we're going to be sharing some ways that maybe can give you some insight into where you may fall. But also, switches kind of get a bad rap in the BDSM community. There's a lot of misconceptions about switches. Some people say that switches are just a DOM or a sub that doesn't know that they're a Dom or Sub yet, that they can be indecisive or that they just lack commitment, that they're wishy-washy. And there's also this misconception that I really hate hearing that being a switch is just a phase. That if if someone says that they identify as a switch, you know, I've heard other people say, well, you know, that's that's just a phase. Like you'll you'll decide later if you're a Dom or a sub. And that is just not the case. You know, there's no, you know, you have to be a true Dom or a true sub. Again, it's just this spectrum. And being a switch is just not this phase or this temporary state. And so, kind of in relation to this, there's also the misconception that all switches are bisexual. And so it kind of goes with all those myths that are around bisexual people too, that they are just indecisive and they can't, you know, pick. And so a lot of people just lump bisexuals and switches together and just kind of believe the same miss about both of them. And then there's also this misconception that I've heard about switches that they are, you know, I'm sure you've heard the saying where someone's a jack of all trades, but a master of none. So they may think they may be able to do everything a Dom and a sub can do, but they can't really, you know, master the role, or they can't, you know, really, you know, claim that role and and do it well. And that is just not true that switches can excel in just as many things as a dominant can do and that a submissive can do, because we can be multifaceted people. And and so it is just not true that you know DOMs and subs have just this better skill set than a switch. Like a DOM and a sub can both learn from a switch, and switches can learn from DOMs and subs. And so, you know, really think if you have made any of these misconceptions yourself, if you've believed some of these things, I would really, really have you challenge yourself. Because switches bring a lot to the table and they are super valuable to the BDSM community because they bring a degree of versatility, empathy, because they do know both the DOM and the sub role. They can just have more of that deeper empathy and understanding, especially of their partners too, because they have experienced that role that their partner may be in. And so that can lead to more, you know, just innovation and creativity and experiencing scenes and designing scenes and just being able to, you know, explore and play and just enjoy all the different types of BDSM experiences that are out there. And they also just have different flexibility and different dynamics. So they're super valuable in that way, too. They just offer a ton of education and even mentorship because they have been in both those roles or are in both those roles. And so there's a lot to learn from them. And switches really make the BDSM community better because they help break stereotypes. And I am all about breaking stereotypes. So, you know, having a DOM and having a sub is kind of just this binary notion that we as a community have just accepted in all aspects of our lives. And having the existence of switches in the BDSM community just really helps to challenge that and open all of our minds to see that it doesn't have to be a binary role in the BDSM space. And there's also a lot of benefit to being someone who's a switch because they have that versatility, that empathy. They do have, you know, an advanced set of skills because they've been operating on both sides of the slash. So their power dynamics can be even stronger. And also because they are a switch, they can have a, you know, a better range of partners. You know, a lot of people struggle in the BDSM community with being single and how to find a partner. And so when you are a DOM only looking for a sub, you know, that cuts off a lot of people, and vice versa. If you're just a sub looking for a DOM, that can cut off, you know, a huge amount of your dating potential. So being a switch can open you to both submissives and both dominants and to other switches as well. And so if you're struggling to find a partner, you know, I'm not gonna say, well, just switch your role and be, you know, a switch, but you know, don't be ashamed to put on the dating apps that you're a switch. Don't, you know, don't hesitate when you know you're at a BDSM club and someone asks, are you a Dom or are you a sub? You know, you don't have to answer with either of those. You it's totally okay to say you're a Switch. So now we're going to get into those surprising signs that you might be a switch. So one of the first ways is that maybe you enjoy a lot of variety in your play. And not just variety when it comes to different, you know, toys and gears and scenes, but how you interact in in those scenes and with those toys and gear, you know. So maybe you do like, you know, impact play from both sides. Maybe you like giving and receiving. Maybe you even like designing scenes, but also being the passive one in the scene as well. And so if you see that you kind of just enjoy this huge variety, you know, you like sensation play and impact play and pain play, and you love all different types of scenes, you know, that can be, you know, one giveaway that maybe you have this more open perspective when it comes to BDSM. You know, I kind of call it like being a kink chameleon that you you kind of like all things. And so that can be a big cue that you might be a switch. And then another big clue that you might be a switch is that different emotional states kind of influence your preferences. And this is one of the things that I which made me think I was a switch, was because when I'm more happier and confident that I would kind of start acting more dominant. You know, over time I didn't really realize, like, no, I'm a submissive. I'm always gonna be a submissive, I think. But when your emotional state kind of just dictates your preferences, or or maybe you're, you know, feeling down and you know, struggling, and then you start seeing yourself being more passive and submissive and wanting the other person to make the decisions and take the lead, that can be an indicator too, because a lot of switches I've talked to have said that is the case, that their emotional state kind of will dictate whether or not they are, you know, feeling like a dominant or feeling like a submissive in that moment, or feeling, you know, in a scene like a top or as a bottom. And then another big sign is just that power dynamics fascinate you in both directions, like both sides of the slash. Like, you know, when you're doing your research, which I highly recommend, and you're learning about the psychological aspects of being a DOM and being a sub, that you're not just drawn to, you know, all of the facts and data and research of submissives, you also like those of the dominance too. And you just love learning from both. You know, when you're on something like my blog and you're reading articles, you know, do you, you know, skip over the dominant ones or, you know, only read the submissive ones, or are you reading both? Do you like learning about both perspectives? So that can be a big clue too. So another clue, I think this is kind of a funny one, but that you relate to both DOMs and subs in different media and literature. And so I'll give you an example. So my my most favorite BDSM movie of all time is Secretary. If you haven't watched it, go watch it. You'll thank me later. But so there is a Dom and there is a sub. And so if you're watching that movie and if you sympathize more with, you know, one of the characters, then you know, that may give you a clue that, you know, you're more into that role. But if you're watching that movie and you kind of sympathize with both of them, or you're really intrigued, or you can see yourself in either of those roles, that can be a huge sign that, you know, you may be a switch. You know, even if, okay, you read Fifty Shades are Grey, or you watched the movies, because a lot of people come to me because that's how they first got their, you know, first, you know, exposure to even the concept of BDSM. So, you know, if you were, you know, drawn to maybe both characters and can see, you know, the the pros and cons of each of those roles and can kind of see yourself in each of those roles and kind of like what maybe they're both doing, that can be a good sign. So if you're drawn to both the dominant and the submissive and you know, different, you know, movies and shows and and books, that could be a good sign too, that you may be a switch. And then one that kind of goes along with this is that maybe you have flexibility in your fantasies. So everybody has fantasies, and fantasies don't always mean we want to do them in real life, but having fantasies where, you know, in some of the fantasies you're a DOM, or some of the fantasies you're a sub can also maybe a clue that you're a switch. You know, if you're able to fantasize yourself in both of those roles, you know, maybe not at the same time, but at different times, you know, that could be a good indicator that you may be a switch, because if you can at least fantasize and see yourself in that role then and get turned on by it, then that can be a good indication. And then another surprising sign that you might be a switch, I'm just gonna throw it out there. But if you top from the bottom a lot, or if you're a DOM and you bottom from the top a lot, that can be a big sign that you might be a switch because there's a lot of reasons that someone may top from the bottom or bottom from the top. But if you're constantly doing it, it could be a big sign that your mind and your ego and your emotions are wanting to switch in that instance. And so if you do find yourself topping from the bottom or bottoming from the top, what I suggest you do is, you know, write down when it happened and why you think it happened, like what caused it, what led up to it, and see if you can find any patterns. And you might see that, you know, in some, you know, times of the day, some situations, that may be happening more. And it could be, you know, that would be a good opportunity to try switching instead of doing something like topping from the bottom, which can lead to arguments and fights and things like that. So, you know, switching could be a different alternative. Now, if after going through all those reasons, you kind of think, yeah, I might be a switch, like that's totally okay. In fact, I would say honestly, embrace it. And so you want to explore being a switch, communicate with your partners and just experiment, you know, safely, but experiment with both roles and also, of course, connect with other switches and the switch community as well. And just know that it is so important to just have self-acceptance, no matter what your role is, no matter if you're a switch, you know, you may have listened to all these reasons and say, nope, I am definitely a Dom or Nope, I'm still a Zed. And but still have that confidence in your role and just embrace who you are, because that comes, that brings so much freedom in your life. And because then you can just explore, you know, a full range of desires, you know, without you know, the shame, without the second guessing. But if you are a switch, definitely, you know, communicate that with your partner. And then one thing I wanted to say as well if you know you're a DOM or you're a sub and your partner comes to you and says, I might be a switch, listen, be empathetic, ask questions. Don't, you know, this isn't an accusation against you and anything you're doing or an attack on you, but really try to listen and seek to understand. Because if they are sharing that with you, I'm sure that took a lot of guts and they're being extremely vulnerable. So listen to your partner. And if you're a switch to, you know, take the time to really communicate these things because everybody should be living their true role. And so if that means you're a switch, then I just want to congratulate you on your journey. So you may need to go back and listen to all those signs again. I know we went over them super quick, but just really take the time to think about them, journal about them, and ask your partner too. Do you think I have these signs? Do you think I do these things? You may get an answer that you were not expecting, but I just really highly encourage you to explore your BDSM identity in a way, obviously, that's safe and consensual. And you can also check out our private community group where we have a lot of other switches there as well. So you can reach out to them for support and ask questions on your journey. So I had fun exploring with you what it means to be a switch. So definitely reflect on your own experiences and your own preferences so that no matter what role you are, you can embrace your BDSM identity with confidence. And also I have that kink personality type quiz too. So you can discover where you fall on the kink spectrum. And you can take it for free at domsubliving.com slash quiz. It's super fun, super quick, and will give you a personalized roadmap too. So you can take it for free at domsubliving.com slash quiz. I hope you enjoy this episode. Thank you for joining me and being a part of the Dom Subliving community. You can check out all of the details and links for this episode in the description and show notes. And be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Subliving.