SPEAKER_00 0:00

It just really made me feel like there's something wrong with me. I don't fit in with this world. I should be happy and I'm not, I'm miserable. And this is just proof again that there's something wrong with me. And so things really went downhill with my mental health. This was the worst my mental health had been. Welcome to the Dom Subliving podcast, where you'll learn how to break free from the vanilla rut, unlock your true potential as a dominant or submissive, and finally make BDSM a lifestyle. I'm your kinky guide, Alessandra. So you may have heard the song by Rihanna that goes Whips and Chains Excite Me. But what if Whips and Chains could actually heal? Well, this month is Mental Health Awareness Month. And so today I'm taking you on a deeply personal journey. I'm going to be sharing some of my own mental health struggles, but also how BDSM became a crucial part of my recovery. So I'm going to be sharing a lot, and this is going to be probably a really difficult episode for me. But we're going to be discussing the ties between BDSM and psychological wellness, and maybe it will help you on your journey as well. But before we begin, I want to tell you about my free kink personality type quiz. Over 12,000 people have taken it, and you can take it at domsubliving.com slash quiz. You'll discover your unique personality type and get a personalized action plan and tips. And you can take it for free at domsubliving.com slash quiz. So, like I said, it's mental health awareness month, and this is just such an important month because so many times it's you know okay to talk about our physical health. You know, there's so many resources out there for that. But it seems like when it comes to mental health, especially here in America, that it's kind of put on the back burner. And that is just really, really sad because mental health is just as important, if not more so important than our physical health. And so today we're going to be exploring how BDSM has played a role in my journey in mental health. I'm going to be sharing a lot of things, and so obviously, I kind of want to put a disclaimer that, you know, we're going to be talking about some really like deep mental issues. And if any of these are triggering for you, you know, feel free to turn off this episode. I I won't be offended. Um, and then obviously I'm not a doctor, always consult with your doctor, but I'm just going to be sharing things I struggled with and things that have helped me. And I may be getting even a little too personal because it's kind of my pet pee when people talk about their mental health journey and they just say, Well, I struggle with mental health. And, you know, they have a right to privacy, but if they're in a position to help others and they just, you know, say some general statement, you know, I just struggle with my mental health without giving specifics about what exactly they're struggling with. Or if they say, you know, medication has really helped me, but they they don't want to talk about which medications or which dosage and things like that. It's, you know, from someone on the other side, it's always been so frustrating because it's really hard to get information about this. You know, like I said, we can talk about physical health all the time. We can say, oh, I go to the gym, you know, 30 minutes a day. I do these specific exercises, I do these specific reps for this amount of time, but we can't talk about the specifics of mental health for some reason. And again, you know, because how the American health system is, and especially the mental health system, it's it's really hard to get services here. And so sometimes the only way we do learn about different treatments or different disorders is by someone else on the internet saying it or, you know, us Googling it. So I just kind of wanted to peel back the curtain of my life. A lot of you don't know these things that I deal with or have dealt with, and hopefully it doesn't make you see me in a different light. Hopefully you can relate, but yeah, I'm just gonna be getting really personal today. So, to give you a little background about my mental health journey, so mental illness does run in my family. So, my my father, I've shared before that he passed away when I was 13. He struggled a lot with depression, um, different addictions, and different suicide attempts too. And he had been committed to a mental health hospital, and so I saw all of that growing up, and so that, you know, obviously greatly affected me. None of it was ever talked about it, of course, in our family, just like so many families don't talk about these things, but I witness it, I experienced it, and so you know, that has just always been a part of my life. So for myself, um, pretty much as long as I can remember, I just always felt like I didn't fit in. So I dealt with depression and anxiety, and then, you know, as I got a little older, I even started self-harming, um became anorexic. I always say with anorexia that it's like never really something that you're cured of. That, you know, even when you get healthy, it's still in the back of your mind. So that's something I still struggle with too. Um, even suicide ideation, just lots and lots of things. You know, I've you know, even been in psychiatric holds, things like that, um, just all throughout my life. Like, you know, I have I have siblings and just I've always been branded as the crazy one. And that was just kind of my life growing up and even into my 20s and beyond, it's just kind of always been there with me and something that I struggled with. Besides the anorexia and the you know, generalized anxiety disorder and the depression. I also got diagnosed with um things like OCD and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. And a lot of these things overlap, and you may struggle with these things too, you know, on a certain spectrum. And so, you know, when these things become disorders is where it starts, you know, really affecting our life. But, you know, these are just again things that were just a normal part of my life and I just struggled with. And, you know, I'm gonna share how I've been able to recover from a lot of these things, but they never really go away. And in some ways, I kind of don't want them to because they are a part of me and have helped me grow and helped me to progress, and I've learned so many skills too, and I'm gonna be relating that to my BDSM journey too. Because when me and my Dom discovered BDSM, things improved a lot, and not just for our relationship, but also for me personally, you know, because like I said, I struggled with OCD, obsessive, compulsive personality disorder, and so having a structure and rules and rituals and routines, those were just so up my alley, and I needed them, and it just really gave me purpose. And I loved the idea of having, you know, a dominant, a master that, you know, I became his property, and so that really helped too with the self-harm and the anorexia that you know he would have these rules in place, and you know, I had to see it as I was doing things his way because I was his property and he had control over my body. And I know that's not for everyone, you know, some people with eating disorders or different conditions, some like rules and you know, rituals and punishments are like completely off the table. But him, you know, having a hand in what I was eating throughout the day, when I ate throughout the day, um, you know, especially with things like was self-harming, too, you know, seeing how like that affected him as a Dom because I was basically hurting his property, you know, all these things like it it switched something in me and um helped me see it in a different way. And I just want to point out there's a movie called Secretary, like if you haven't watched it, go watch it, but they do talk about self-harm there, and I never really liked how it was portrayed in the light of how basically the Dom tells her one time to stop self-harming, and she just magically did it that first time. And for us, that wasn't the case, it did greatly help with the self-harming, but it wasn't like instantaneous, it wasn't overnight, and it wasn't permanent. Like I would still have relapses because it was part of my way to cope when things were bad. But because we were in this BDSM relationship now, we were able to explore pain in a way that was more like controllable and not as damaging. And that's not to say that, you know, when you're doing impact play and different SM, that you can't leave even permanent scars, you know, if that is in your contract, something you negotiated in, you know, you can still, you know, have permanent scars that result that result from those, you know, BDSM scenes. But like I needed pain to deal with things and process things. And having BDSM and exploring it in that healthy frame was just like exactly what I needed. And some other ways that our dynamic just really helped me was because a lot of times he does this even now. Like if I'm spiraling and just ruminating on things over and over and obsessed with them, you know, he'll tell me very seriously as my Dom, like, you're not going to think about this anymore. Like, you're done thinking about it. And if you want to please me, you're not going to, you know, focus on this anymore. And that's what I need. You know, I can only speak for myself. You know, I know I always say on the surface, so many of these things sound like an abusive relationship. But hopefully, because you're you're watching me, you know that BDSM relationships are actually healthy. But that is something that has just really helped me. Him getting, you know, really serious with me when he sees me spiraling and just telling me like I need to be done with it and that it is done. And if it's something that needs to still be handled, that he'll take care of it. And so I also don't want to paint this picture that like BDSM fixed everything for me, you know, like even in that movie Secretary, you know, it's BDSM isn't a magic pill that can just fix all your mental disorders. For some people, I'm sure it can, and I'm not going to minimize that for the people that it has helped. But I also explored lots of different medications. Um, so every single SSRI like known to man, I have tried every mood stable stabilizer I have tried, like every sci kind of medication, every kind of um talk therapy, you know, DBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, like I've I've tried them all. The rapid eye movement, the tapping, like I've I've done all of those things. Um, but what seemed to help the most during that time was the medication Zoloft. And um it's an SSRI. I would go on and off it as I needed it, and I I saw relief from it. You know, I know again, this is just me personally. I know there are some people who are on it that it is like a wonder drug for them, has like fixed everything in their life. For me, that wasn't the case, it just kind of put me in a like a zombie mode where not I wasn't happy and I wasn't sad either. And like all SSRIs, there is a ton of side effects. Like the side effects to me have always been worse than dealing with the actual depression and anxiety and things like that. So I hadn't been on Zoloft for like a very long time, but it was kind of something that was always in my back pocket that if I needed I could take. So I hadn't been on Zoloft for a very long time, and things were were going pretty good and pretty stable, and then the pandemic hit. Like, yeah, remember, remember that time? So the funny thing is that the pandemic was actually the happiest I've ever been. I know that sounds incredibly weird, and I I'm you know, my heart goes out to families that lost family members that that got sick, that lost jobs and income. But man, the pandemic, like, if that was just like my ultimate life. And like I even had like family and friends telling me, like, oh, you must be in heaven right now with how the pandemic is. Because everyone knew that I was an extreme introvert, had social anxiety, and I just always wanted this life where I never had to leave the house. And I finally got it. And we were thankful that Jay's job was, you know, considered necessary. You know, he's a foreman for a road construction company, so roads are, you know, necessary. So he still had, you know, a good job, but just I got to stay at home and just live my ideal life. And I was so, so happy and fulfilled, and just every day, like I was so thankful and I would feel guilty because I knew not everyone was in my situation. And, you know, like I said, some people were losing loved ones, and I don't want to minimize that at all. But just every time I would, you know, get on the news and hear, like, oh, the lockdown got extended, like another few weeks, I would just be like relieved. Um, I was so happy. And I know so many people, you know, did like the lockdowns and they like being home and they like not working. But then after a while, you know, some people said, Okay, this is getting kind of boring. I'm getting cooped up in the house, and for me, I'm just like, no, I could do this, I can do this all day. So um I was just living my best life. So where things took a turn was when the world opened back up. And, you know, people were excited that the world was opening back up. I'm getting really personal right now, I don't know. But so people were really excited that the world was opening back up and you know, telling me, isn't it so great? We get to see people again, we get to do things again, we get to travel and do all these things. And I was having a panic attack. Like I couldn't even go to the grocery store, I couldn't be around people. I was just so like kicking and screaming, like, no, do not make me give up my perfect life. And you know, this lockdown that I just was just enjoying so much. And so it became really hard to face the facts that okay, I had to go back to how things were, and not only that, I was really feeling that there was something hugely wrong with me as a human being because the whole world was starting to celebrate and be happy and joyful, and I was just not having it. I was just so depressed, and so it just really made me feel like there's something wrong with me. I don't fit in with this world, I should be happy, and I'm not, I'm miserable. And this is just proof again that there's something wrong with me. And so things really went downhill with my mental health. This was the worst my mental health had been. So what that looks for me is like not getting out of bed at all, not showering, and it was hard. Like I was still running dom-living and trying to hold things together. And I'm sure from the outside it looked like things were great, but it was not great. Like I tried to, you know, just make everything as simple as possible, but really in the background, I was just not getting out of bed, I was not showering, I, you know, was eating horribly. If I was eating at all, I was self-harming again, and I was just like so like angry and upset that the world was opening back up again. And so Jay, you know, he's a great Dom. He did his best to really help and make things easy on me and the transition, but I was not getting better, and I knew like one of two things was gonna happen. I was either going to have to go back on Zoloft, which I did not want to do. You know, again, if people love Zoloft, like more power to them, but for me, I just I hate the side effects. And to me, having a life full of side effects is you know, I might as well just deal with the depression and the anxiety and all that. So I knew I was either gonna have to go back on Zoloft or like it was gonna get so bad that I was going to be placed in a psychiatric hold again. And if if anyone has been placed in a psychiatric hold again, you know that is not fun. Like it's basically prison. Um, it's basically a jail, and that's just the way our American system is, unfortunately. But so yeah, those were what I knew my two choices were gonna be if I didn't get better. So Jay started researching things like crazy on the internet of how I can get better, um, different alternative therapies, and um, just you know, he's the typical husband, typical Dom that just wants to fix everything. And he was just really trying to find something else that would work for me. And he actually discovered ketamine, um, learned about it on the internet and told me a little bit about it. And something like clicked in my brain. I'm like, where have I heard this before? So, Rachel Wright, um, a friend of mine, if you um don't know her, follow her on social media. She's awesome and she's amazing. Um, and I've had collaborated with her on different projects, but at the time she was being very open on social media about her mental health, and what she said really helped her was ketamine. And so, you know, I told Jay, like, yeah, I think Rachel is doing this. And so he started researching a lot more. I started following more closely what Rachel was doing, and so we decided on ketamine. So I'm gonna break down ketamine a little bit. So I live in California, Rachel lives in New York, it is not legal everywhere. So um the way I get it, the way she gets it, is through an actual psychiatrist, like through a doctor. It's legit. So I know there's special K on the street, and you know, we're not doing street drugs, so I just want to like clarify that. And I can't really talk for Rachel, but um, how she did it is through IV. And we researched that, and there was a few places in the area that were doing it, but it was like really expensive. So we're talking like over a thousand dollars for one IV session. And when you're doing this, you need like six or seven um like sessions to like really make a difference. And And so that was going to be really expensive. So we found a company called Mindbloom. And I am not affiliated with them in any way. I kind of wish I would was because I would be pushing them like crazy because I just really, really believe in them. So Mind Bloom, um again, it's not in every state, um, but it is here in California, and it is just an amazing program. So how they do it and how I I actually, you know, prefer this way, and they've actually done studies that this way is even more effective than the IV infusions. But so what they do is again, you meet with a psychiatrist. Um, I'm just gonna give you a really short spiel because I feel like this is gonna be a commercial for Mind Bloom. But you meet with the psychiatrist, they figure out your dosage, they mail you a um the pills, and you basically take the pills um and you lay down for like an hour in your own bed. This is another thing why I really like this program, because with IVs, you have to go to like a hospital or a clinic. And for so many people like myself, like hospitals and clinics just give me anxiety and shots and IVs, and especially having, you know, cancer in the past, like I have so much trauma from IVs in hospitals. It's like I don't need that when I'm trying to relax. So you get to do this in the comfort of your own home. Um, you know, another adult has to be there, but you take the medication and you listen to some music, you have your AirPods in, and you have an eye mask and you close your eyes, and for an hour you just lay there and um let the medicine do its thing. And after my first session, like, so I didn't know what to expect, and I, you know, was really, really scared, but I was like at my wit's end. I remember telling the doctor, like, I there's nothing left for me. Like, I have to figure out something. So, you know, after the session, you're you're kind of just in this like daze, like what just happened? Am I even, you know, I don't even know what that was, and you're just kind of like out of it, and you're kind of almost in this lull where you're almost a little more depressed because it's sh- I I don't know, you're just kind of like in this lull. But the next day, oh my god, like I told one friend that I was gonna be doing uh this medication, and she messaged me the next day and was like, How are you doing? And I said, I am 110% better, like I am cured, like I'm walking around the house like happy and singing and dancing and listening to music, and just my whole demeanor was changed. It was amazing. Um, I've never had anything like this happen in my life, and and the weird thing is so ketamine is the only drug that starts working when it's actually out of your system. Like, I'm not gonna explain all the scientific stuff about it, but you know, go research it, go Google it. But I just thought that was so neat that it is the only drug that like it starts working when it's out of your system. So, you know, you're not, you know, the next day you're not high or anything. It's just it's altering your your brain chemistry and synapses and all this other weird stuff. But um, and I swear we're gonna get to BDSM, so just bear with me. But um, yeah, it was like I'm cured, I'm totally cured. So I did the sixth session, so it's like you do one a week, and you know, that's your base. And my life was perfect, like I was completely happy. Um, my family just noticed a huge difference in me. Jay noticed a huge difference in me, you know, where you know, I've always been like a pessimist and just negative. And I changed overnight to like being an optimist. So the thing with ketamine is it's not well, I was gonna say it's not permanent. For some people, it is permanent. Like you do your six sessions or whatever, and you're done. For other people, um, like me, because my depression and my anxiety and all my different disorders, they're like so strong. So I just have to do what they call maintenance, and I do one session every now I'm doing it every four to six weeks. Um, and I'm actually doing it more as a preventive. I could probably go eight weeks if I wanted to. And that is huge. Like for someone who had to take Zoloft every single day and wasn't, you know, even like really even any better, like ketamine is like a godsend. Like I I hate saying that, but like I can only speak from my own experience. But to have something that doesn't have any side effects, um, at least for me, it doesn't have any side effects, you know, except for maybe when I'm taking it, I'll feel like, you know, obviously tired, sometimes a little nauseous, but you know, the next day, it's like it never happened. And so to have a drug that has zero side effects and just basically fix my life and like cured me, and I only have to take it like every four to six weeks, it's like that's huge. And and I was telling the doctor, like a part of me is almost angry that I that this drug has been here this long, and I'm you know, just now, you know, utilizing it and even hearing about it. And so that's part of my reason why I love talking about mental health is because you never know how, you know, something you tell someone, you know, may really open their eyes. You know, if Rachel Wright hadn't been so open and posted things, you know, I I probably, you know, when Jay brought up ketamine, I probably would have said, like, no, special K, that's like a street drug. Like, why would I take that? So um, yeah, with ketamine, like things things have been, you know, the best they've ever been. You know, obviously it's not a hundred percent perfect. Like I said, you know, around that six-week mark, sometimes, you know, my depression starts coming back, but it's so comforting to know, like, anytime my depression comes back or my anxiety or anything, like I can take a pill and set aside an hour in my day, and the next day it's gonna be gone. Like, I I don't know why, you know, more doctors are talking about this. Like, even my primary care doctor, um, you know, they saw it in my list of medications, and they were even like, you know, what is this that you're taking? Like, there, you know, are you sure you're taking this from an actual psychiatrist? Like, they they weren't even believing me. So, like, there just needs to be more knowledge about it. But um, yeah, that's that's all I'm gonna say. I know I like went on this huge ramble, but yeah, I I've heard from other people who have done ketamine and it's like they can't shut up about it either. So so sorry about that. But let's get back to the BDSM. But BDSM is just really intertwined with mental health and all the psychological aspects because you know, there's power exchange, there's, you know, even things like DDLG, where a lot of times you're having to explore things that you experienced as a child, um, degradation, humiliation, um, just how you can handle and process pain, you know, all those things are really rooted in our psyche. And so there's this huge connection between BDSM and just, you know, someone's mental health journey. And in BDSM, you get to explore consent and communication. So it's a way to, you know, take back your autonomy and your power. And, you know, how how much have we as a society, you know, done therapy and you know, had psychologists? And I'm I'm not knocking that. I know it works for a lot of people. And I've always, you know, if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you know, I'm always saying, like, find a king-friendly therapist. But BDSM just allows us to explore all these things and and really fine-tune our communication with our partner. You know, there's, you know, so many marriage and relationship, self-help books out there, but BDSM really gives us that like playground to really explore those things in real life. Because again, there's just so many emotional and psychological exchanges that happen in a BDSM relationship. So things like trust, learning to give up control or take control, um, safety, that's a huge one. If you're coming from maybe a childhood or a traumatic relationship where maybe you didn't feel safe to enter a healthy BDSM dynamic where you can explore safety and take back your power and just really have more control can just be so fulfilling. And so also there's the therapeutic benefits of BDSM. So things like stress relief, you know, doing a scene, like you're gonna be a whole lot less stressed after that scene. It's just a way to have more self-confidence and empowerment. Um, so just all these ways can just really, you know, help you in a therapeutic way. And it's almost like a form of self-care. I mean, it really, it really is. And this just isn't me saying these things, like actual doctors and medical journals say these things. And so I just wanted to give you a couple of examples, you know. So when your your parents find out you're doing BDSM or your relatives find out you're doing BDSM and they think you're demented and you know, crazy and and messed up in the head, you can say, well, you know, actually, but so um the Journal of Sexual Medicine said that the they did a study and they said that the results mostly suggest favorable psychological characteristics of BDSM practitioners compared with the control group, and BDSM practitioners were less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive, and had a higher subjective well-being. And just one more um example. So the Archives of Sexual Behavior said BDSM practitioners reported higher levels of well-being and lower levels of psychological distress compared to the general population. Um, and I've found that true for myself, that, you know, even with all my mental health issues, that if I look at my life before practicing BDSM and my life after practicing BDSM, I feel, you know, way more adjusted and stable, you know, overall and happier and definitely more extroverted because, you know, I am meeting people in the community, you know, going to events and meetups, dungeons and clubs, um, you know, even the virtual summit that we ran. So even, you know, meeting people online and doing these things like I couldn't have done any of those things, you know, before BDSM, you know, it really just gave me the confidence. So don't let anyone ever tell you that people who practice BDSM are, you know, demented freaks. But um one thing I just wanna um really mention is just how mental health, just like physical health, it's an ongoing process. So, like I said, even with me, I still have to take my medication every four to six weeks, which is fine by me. But I'm still making sure I exercise regularly, I meditate regularly, I get sleep, which is huge. Um, regular orgasms are, you know, very beneficial too because of all the serotonin and oxytocin and all those different chemicals that happen during sex and orgasms. Um, just making sure that my diet is as healthy as it can be and not, you know, eating a lot of junk or skipping meals and things like that. So BDSM, you know, isn't just a magic pill that's gonna fix everything. You still have to have that, you know, ongoing self-care and all those other healthy habits that really help. Um, journaling, again, is another thing that's really good for me. Regular scenes. So there's just so much I have to do on an ongoing basis to really, you know, keep my mental health as you know healthy and stable as it can be. And also, I just want to say that if you are struggling with your mental health, um, know that you're you're not alone. But I I do want to say like one caveat. Like we always talk about how BDSM should be safe and consensual. So make sure when you're practicing BDS BDSM that um you and your partner are both in a good mental health space. And this isn't to say that you can't practice BDSM if you have a mental health disorder or you have depression or anxiety, or you know, you know, if you self-harm even or any of those things, um, just make sure that none of those conditions that you have is affecting your ability to know right from wrong. So when we talk about consent, so yes, enthusiastic consent means saying yes, being able to say no, but it also means that you are, you know, have the mental capacity to know, you know, right from wrong too. So um, and so that's just always something that you want to keep in mind. But again, there are just lots and lots of ways to focus on your um mental health. Um, my Dom has shared too that he struggles with ADHD. He talked about that in the episode where I did an interview with him. So that's at dom subbeliving.com/slash zero zero seven if you want to check that out. Because he mentioned how meditation really helps him. So, some other ways to just really take care of your mental health is just to educate yourself as much as possible. So if you are struggling with something, you know, definitely learn all you can about that and you know, just really take that control, you know, knowledge is power. So just really learn as much as you can about mental health and just prioritizing consent and communication with your partner. You know, if you're struggling, let your partner know that you're struggling. I think that's something that, you know, I've even struggled with in the past is you know, keeping my my Dom in the loop and letting him know that I'm having a hard time. And just establishing clear boundaries and safe words so that way you can keep that autonomy and that power and gain your self-confidence. Also, aftercare is so important after a scene, you know, because you have that subdrop or even that dom drop. So make sure that you're, you know, utilizing aftercare if that's something that you would like to do. You know, aftercare looks different for everyone, but you know, just really prioritizing, you know, just healing and self-care as much as you can after a scene. And just keep monitoring your your mental health like really closely. Like I still, you know, meet with my doc my you know, psychiatrist regularly to go over, you know, whether my medication needs a different dosage, how I'm doing, you know, I let Jay know how I'm doing. Um, but yeah, you know, work with BDSM-informed therapists, you know, they're out there. Obviously, if you're a Dom sub training member, you have access to all of those resources and directories there, but um, just really prioritize your mental health. And you it's totally okay to use BDSM as a complimentary tool to help you deal with your mental health struggles. There's there's nothing wrong with that. Like, don't ever let anyone tell you, like, oh, only like mentally healthy, you know, I don't even know what they would say, but like, you know, I've heard before people saying, like, oh, if you have a mental health disorder, you shouldn't be practicing BDSM. And I'm just like, that's baloney. That would be like 80% of the people who practice BDSM. Like in this day and age, like everybody, you know, even vanilla people, they have some kind of depression or anxiety. Um, so yeah, like you can still practice BDSM even if you have a mental health condition. But then also on the flip side of that, you don't want to use BDSM as like a crutch or a way to just kind of escape your problems. So you still have to deal with the things that are affecting your mental health and just really, you know, prioritizing your self-care. But also one other tip is just to engage in community and get support there. I know, especially like for people like me that are like hugely introverted, like it's a struggle to get out there and meet people, but you know, it's for our own good. We really need community. I did a whole episode on community. You can go back and take a look at that, but yeah, just lean on your community and just keep like keep going. Like don't give up. Like, if you're you know listening to this, if you're watching this, like know that you're not alone, and I'm so happy you're here and just don't give up. Like, I know it's so cliche to say it, and I hated it when people said it to me, but like one day at a time, but sometimes even just like one moment at a time when I was at my lowest, like that was like all I can do. Like, you know, if Jay was at work, he would just text me, like, you know, just get out of bed and put clothes on. Like, just focus on that. Like, you know, only focus on that and let me know when you finish that. And sometimes that would take like a half an hour for me to like psych myself up to do it. But then I'd text him and you know, he'd give me like the next thing to do. Um, and so if if you're in that, you know, deep hole right now, just focus on whatever the next step is, even if it's just like something small, like going to brush your teeth in the morning, like just do that one small thing and then do the next thing and the next thing, and you'll get some momentum. But don't beat yourself up either. You know, if you get back in that hole, that was always my thing, you know, I'd have a good day, and then then things would go downhill again, and I would just think it's never gonna get better. But every moment is another opportunity for us to just try again and do our best because that's all we can do is just do our best. I really hope that sharing my journey helped you. I hope it didn't scare you away. I know I was like, I shared a lot, probably overshared about a bunch of things, but just remember there's a lot of challenges when it comes to mental health, a lot of things to consider, a lot of things to keep in mind. But BDSM can be very therapeutic and very useful on your um mental health journey. So I really just wanted to bring more openness and education on this topic of mental health and BDSM because I know it's such a taboo talk topic. I know BDSM on its own is taboo and mental health on its own is taboo. So when you put those things together, it's just like hardly anyone is talking about it. So hopefully we can have more discussions like this. But if you need more resources and support, definitely check out our website and our courses too. And remember, I have that free kink personality type quiz, and you can take it at domsubliving.com slash quiz. Over 12,000 people have taken it so far, but you'll discover your unique kink personality type and you'll get a personalized action plan and tips that you can put into practice. And you can take it for free at Domsubliving.comslash quiz. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you for joining me and being a part of the Dom Subliving community. You can check out all of the details and links for this episode in the description and show notes. And be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Subliving.