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That's something that we don't want to take for granted is that you're getting to do something new and exciting. And instead of being fearful of that, like really embracing it and just seeing how amazing that is, that maybe you've missed out on all of this when you were younger, but now you get to explore it more fully. Welcome to the Dom Sub-Living podcast, where you'll learn how to break free from the vanilla rette, unlock your true potential as a dominant or submissive, and finally make BDSM a lifestyle. I'm your kinky guide, Alessandra. Welcome to a world where age is your asset, not an obstacle. Today we're diving into why the 40s, 50s, and beyond are actually the perfect time to explore BDSM. Whether you're looking to reignite your passion or start a new chapter, it's never too late. So stay tuned as we debunk myths, share inspiring stories, and show you how to begin your BDSM journey no matter what your age is. Before we begin, I want to give you something to make your journey into the world of Dom Sub Dynamics and BDSM even easier. It's my free resource library and it includes access to dozens of BDSM resources like videos, workbooks, worksheets, guides, and you can redeem all of that for free at domsubliving.com slash free. So last week I actually did a whole episode on age gaps in BDSM relationships. And that was episode um 31. So you can find it at domsubliving.com slash zero three one if you want to go back and take a look at that. But so I thought we kind of stay on the topic of age. And so today we're talking about the myths and realities of entering the BDSM lifestyle later in life. And this topic is actually really important to me because I know I had reservations about getting into the lifestyle because of my age. I thought that the only people were who were doing BDSM were, you know, kids in their, you know, late teens and early 20s. I thought that I would stick out like a sore thumb. And I know I even shared in a past episode how I even canceled uh going to an event that I paid for because I was just so self-conscious and thought that I would be the oldest person there. And honestly, I am getting older too. So I still am self-conscious about my age and that, you know, gremlin in my head still comes up from time to time. Jay is getting older too. He has gray hair. So if you've seen him on a video, you've seen that, you know, he's getting older too. And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I get emails and messages all the time from people who say they want to get into BDSM or they want to find a Dom or sub partner, but they're worried because they're in their 40s or 50s or 60s or 70s or even more. So, you know, maybe you're feeling the same things too. And so that's why I wanted to create this episode. So let's debunk some of the myth about age and BDSM. So I hear a lot of misconceptions from my my followers. Maybe you've said some of these things, so we'll just take them one at a time. So one thing I hear is I'm too old to start something new. So maybe you, you know, see BDSM trainings or or courses or online events, and you just think I'm too old for that. Like I I can't learn all these new fangled things that they're they're teaching at these different workshops, and you know, I'm just too old for that. So that is not true. Um, you can learn anything at any age, and that goes for any different dynamic, lifestyle, hobby, even. So if you really want to, you you can learn these skills. Like, don't let age hold you back. So the other misconception that I hear a lot is that no one would be interested in a Dom or Sub at my age. So this is something I hear a lot that no one would want me as a partner because I'm too old. And if you listen to my last episode where we talked about age gaps in relationships, you would know that's not the case. That there are actually people who are looking specifically for people who are older because they want that age gap relationship. And so don't let that hold you back. Don't let that be an excuse. You're not allowed to use that as an excuse. There's tons of people out there who either want an older partner or they are older themselves and they want a partner their own age. If you are currently older and I and are looking for a partner, I can guarantee you there are other people out there looking for a partner too. And so don't let that hold you back. Um, you know, I've seen so many of my students find their ideal partner even later in life. So you're not allowed to use that as an excuse anymore. Don't let it hold you back. The other misconception I hear is that the BDSM scene is only for younger people. So again, I am guilty of believing this at one time. I used to think that BDSM is just for the, you know, people in their late teens, early 20s. So obviously, I know now that that is not the case. When you go to a BDSM dungeon or a club or a meetup, you will see people of all ages. So yes, you will see people, you know, maybe in their late teens, early 20s, depending on how big the event is, but you will see people, you know, in their 70s or even in their 80s, even. So I've seen a huge mix, especially the bigger the event, the like the bigger the age range you will see. But even at smaller events, I've seen, you know, older ones there too. And a lot of times they're the ones putting on this event or this this small group that, you know, they're the ones coordinating it even. So um, yeah, there's gonna be a mix, and you're not gonna know what it's like until you actually go. So that's just one of the things you need to rip off the band aid and actually go to these events to kind of get over that hurdle and just really see what kind of people are there. But I can guarantee you that, you know, there's people at all different ages, and even if you are, let's just say you are the oldest person there, like so what? Someone who is there is the youngest person there. There has to be, you know, the ends of the spectrum. And if you are at the end of that spectrum, that doesn't matter. There's people at every age in between. And so just enjoy your time being there, make friends. That's what a BDSM event is for. And if you're still thinking, well, there's no one who practices BDSM at my age, I have the data to prove you wrong. So I actually did my own survey recently. Um, I do this survey every year. I survey thousands of my followers, thousands of kinksters in the lifestyle, and this is what the results said. So it showed that um 30% of them were in their 40s, and 18% were in their 50s, and get this 24% were in their 60s or older. So a huge chunk are in these 40s, 50s, and beyond categories. And and so this was surveying thousands of people who are, you know, in the lifestyle and following me. So the the data shows that a good amount of the people who are practicing the lifestyle are in these older groups. And just like I shared in my last episode on age gaps, there are a lot of advantages to age in BDSM. So life experiences can really contribute to, you know, a better understanding of yourself and your boundaries and what you want in life. You know, you're less likely to be taken advantage of by fakes just because you know you have that more life experience. You're also more likely to be emotionally mature, and that is just a huge benefit in Dom sub dynamics because living this lifestyle takes a huge amount of maturity. You know, we're doing some intense things, and so you need to be at a high maturity level. And so being an older person, you have that advantage. And you also probably have past, you know, experiences in either vanilla relationships or other BDSM relationships, and those can be a huge asset because you've been in these dynamics, and so you know, you you know what to look out for, you know what the common mistakes are, you know maybe what went wrong in a past relationship and how not to repeat that same thing in a future relationship or a current relationship. So you actually have a lot to offer if you are an older, you know, Dom or sub or switch. And I have heard of a lot of success stories of people who are living this lifestyle later in life. So even me personally, me and Jay, we're older. And, you know, I don't like to admit it, but you know, we are older. And so being at this, you know, stage in our life, we already know what we like and what we don't like, and we already know what works. And so we are just able to live our our best relationship and you know, our best life, you know, because we've, you know, had those younger years and now like we are older and wiser, and we can just enjoy um BDSM, even physically and you know, sexually. You know, we've learned what we like, what we don't like. You know, we're finding more satisfaction, you know, with our scenes and the things we're doing in the bedroom. And I've heard from others that that is the case too as they've gotten older. Obviously, being older, there is some challenges like health issues, energy challenges, but we've been able to overcome a lot of those because of living this lifestyle. You know, we're we're constantly learning, we're social in the BDSM community. So that is a huge asset in keeping us young at heart and young in our brains because we're just learning and socializing a lot more, um, more so than maybe a lot of vanilla people our age would be doing at this time in their life. And being older is also a great opportunity to mentor other people too. And so that's something that me and Jay have done as well, you know, because we we have these years of, you know, experience where we've been in the lifestyle for over a decade. You know, we have hopefully some maturity, and so we can kind of, you know, help and mentor and coach other people who are, you know, maybe just beginning this journey into BDSM. And so that's something that you can do as well, is just, you know, be that mentor to, you know, the the newer generation who are coming in. But so maybe you're older and you're just now getting into BDSM. So what can you do? Well, first of all, just educate yourself as much as possible. Like learn as much as you can from multiple sources, not just me, you know, learn from lots of BDSM educators and find and enter communities safely. So I talked about this again in the last video on age gaps, but you don't want to be taken advantage because of your age either, you know. So obviously there's cameras out there, so that's always something to be wary of. But find your people, find your local BDSM communities, find online communities. If you're a Dom Sub training member, we have a resource guide with you know how to find in-person events and um in-person groups and also, you know, online groups. We have our online community too, um, with Dom Sub Living. So definitely, you know, educate yourself and just take advantage of community and just really build your your confidence in starting something new. Um, I think that's something that we don't want to take for granted is that you're getting to do something new and exciting. And instead of being fearful of that, like really embracing it and just seeing how you know amazing that is that you know maybe you've missed out on all of this when you were younger, but now you get to explore it more fully. So like we don't want to live in regret, we want to live in the present. So just really, you know, seize the opportunity that you know now BDSM is more accepting than ever. There's more opportunity, so really take advantage of it. But you also want to prioritize health and safety too. So, you know, especially if you're getting older, so you know, just some practical things. So start slow, you know, especially when you're, you know, learning all these new kinks and you know, BDSM scene techniques, really start slow until you know how your body responds. And if you're doing scenes, it's okay to take breaks. You can totally do that. Aftercare is going to be your friend. Letting your, you know, mind and your body just really come down and heal is so important. And recovery too, you know, whether you're a Dom or you're a sub in the scene, you know, BDSM can be physically intense. So, you know, make sure you're taking the time to recover, you're, you know, stretching, staying hydrated, um, all those things. So um yeah, just really enjoy this, you know, era in your life and embrace it. But if you're feeling uncertain about your age or you're self-conscious still about your age, I just want to reassure you again that you are not alone. Like, you know, even myself, you know, I'm older, I'm not in my late teens or early 20s, but you know, me and Jay, we're older, we have students who are older, we've gone to events and seen other people. Like, I guarantee you, there is people who are older in this lifestyle. And yes, you can still find a partner if you are older. So, again, there are people who are specifically looking for an older partner, or there's people who are older themselves and they're looking for someone their own age. So don't let that hold you back. And even if you haven't found a partner yet, just go to BDSM events and dungeons and make friends and meet people. And I guarantee you that there are tons of people at different ages there. And so you will not stick out like a sword thumb. That's what I thought was gonna happen. And no, no matter your age. So I just want to reassure you that no, you are not too old to practice BDSM. Age is your asset and it is not a barrier. So I just really want to encourage you to explore your desires regardless of your age. And to help you make this journey into BDSM even easier, I want to give you my free resource library. It includes access to dozens of BDSM resources, so things like videos, workbooks, worksheets, guides, and you can redeem all of that for free at domsubliving.com/slash free. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you for joining me and being a part of the Dom Subliving community. You can check out all of the details and links for this episode in the description and show notes. And be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Subliving.