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Are you curious about BDSM but feel overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Or maybe you're already exploring but you need guidance to advance to the next level? I'm Alessandra from Dom Sub Living, and I understand how daunting the BDSM journey can be. In this episode, I'll break down the stages from newbie to expert, making the process easy and achievable. So stick around so you can learn how you can navigate your BDSM path with confidence. Welcome to the Dom Sub Living podcast. So I've been a professional BDSM educator for about six years now, and I've guided countless individuals all the way from beginners in the lifestyle, all the way to even experts and everything in between, just helping people on their BDSM journeys. And some people that I've even helped instruct and coach have gone on to become BDSM educators themselves. So this is a really interesting episode for me. It's something I'm really passionate about, is just helping people, no matter where they are, on their BDSM journey. So in this episode, we're really just going to break down the different stages all the way from newbie all the way to expert and just really make the whole process for you as easy and achievable as possible. So if you're watching this or you're listening to this episode, and maybe you are a newbie, so first of all, welcome. Hi, but I just want to fill you in on maybe what BDSM even is in case you haven't even gotten to that point in your journey yet. But so BDSM really just is an umbrella term, it's an acronym and it stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, and sadism and masochism. And so it's just this umbrella term to cover all these things, kink and DS relationships. And so that's kind of the foundation of what we're going to be talking about today. And no matter where you are on your journey, um, consent and communication, those two things are going to be the foundation of your BDSM practice. So always discuss boundaries with whoever you're playing with, discuss safe words with your partner so that way you can make sure that everything is as safe as it can be and is consensual. So the first stage is the newbie phase. And so this is kind of like the honeymoon phase where you're just doing a lot of learning and exploration. And so you're gonna be doing a lot of research and um just getting your feet wet and a lot of these things. So you're gonna be reading a lot of books, you know, joining online forums, watching educational videos, listening to podcasts like this one. And so just really trying to get that good foundation and a sense of what BDSM and DOM sub relationships are all about. And at this newbie stage, you really want to prioritize finding a community. So, you know, just finding a group of people, either, you know, that's local or even an online BDSM community, somewhere where you feel safe and that you can connect with others and get resources, get advice from people who are more experienced than you. And if you're a member of our All Access Pass, we have a great community there. So you are always welcome to join that. And just really have fun experimenting. I mean, this is such a fun phase that you know, so many of us just kind of wish we could go back to where we just had that beginner mind where everything was fresh and new. So don't be afraid to experiment and just try to do so as safely as possible. So start with low risk activity. So this can be things like light bondage, role-playing, and just trying to get a feel for the different dynamics and the different things that you prefer. So, for example, you can incorporate things like um blindfolds, um, simple restraints, um, or even spanking, really, just to get started. And then the next phase is the intermediate phase. So this is really where you start building skills and kind of honing your focus. And as you become more comfortable, you'll start learning specific skills. So maybe things like rope tying you can really focus on, or different impact play techniques and different power exchange dynamics. And in this intermediate phase is really where you start discovering your role and getting a feel for what fits. And so you want to kind of maybe explore both roles, both the dominant and the submissive role, if that's something you're interested in, and just kind of see what resonates with you. And at this stage, it's really important to establish your boundaries because you don't want to push your boundaries in a way that's going to leave you hurt or in an unsafe environment. And so you don't want to set bad habits in this. You really have to be your own advocate and speak up for yourself, but you really can't do that unless you know what your boundaries are. So continue to experiment, talk with your partner, explore different kinks. If you need ideas, definitely go to domsubliving.com/slash checklist. We have a checklist there that you can download that has a ton of different um ideas for different kinks you can explore and kind of has this yes, no, or maybe whether or not you want to explore them. So it's a great way to start figuring out what your hard limits are, what your soft limits are, and just really establish your boundaries with your partner. And then the third stage, this is the advanced stage. So this is where you really start deepening your dynamic and focusing on deepening that DS relationship that you might have. So in this phase, power exchange becomes just really ingrained in your daily life and in your relationships, and your role in BDSM kind of starts to become your identity. So even if you're only playing in the bedroom or in a dungeon, it still just becomes your identity that you are a Dom or you are a sub. And it can even have different layers of that too. You may be a daddy Dom, or you may be a little girl, or you may be a service slave. So this is where you really just start focusing in on your role being more of your identity, and it starts affecting how you even view the world and your relationships and just the choices you make in life. And then at this advanced stage is really where you start incorporating more advanced techniques and bringing those into your scene. So you start having more complex scenes, maybe you start doing multiple different elements of BDSM. Um, you may have um even higher intense scenes. So exploring things like consensual non-consent, edge play, maybe you start incorporating high protocol training. Um, again, if you're a member of our All Access Pass, definitely check out all of the ideas we have there for different scenes. We even have sample scenes too, because this is where you really start taking things to that next level. So even though you're advanced at this point, you really still need to have ongoing education. We're we're continuously learning, no matter where we're at on our journey, no matter what stage you're at. So keep attending workshops, take advanced courses, and just stay updated with all the new practices and safety protocols and language to BDSM is always evolving, and so should you. But there's the last stage that we still need to get into. So that last stage is that expert phase. So you finally made it, you're now an expert. So what does that even mean? So it really means that you're starting to get more involved in mastery of your skills and even mentorship too. So maybe if you're a DOM, you start really mastering a certain skill, like maybe Shibari is your thing, and you go all in on it and you become a master in it. Or maybe it's something like flogging. You know all the different types of floggers, you know all the different techniques, um, all the multiple things, and you can wield a flogger like a Jedi when you're at the BDSM dungeon. And subs can be experts too. So if you're a sub, maybe you start mastering certain high protocol service skills. And so you really hone in on that. And whether you're a DOM or a sub and you're at this expert level, maybe at this stage you start feeling confident and comfortable enough to mentor others and help newbies who are entering the lifestyle, and that way you can kind of just share your experiences with them and help them grow on their journey too. And so it's a way of kind of giving back and helping that next generation. But there is one pitfall with this expert phase, and it's something I have to be mindful of too, and that is just maintaining balance. So you really need to be mindful of having a healthy balance between BDSM and your everyday kind of vanilla life. And so really make sure that your BDSM practices and your BDSM life isn't overshadowing all the other things in your life. So daily responsibilities, other relationships that you have. So I know what it's like. You want to go all in with BDSM. It's super, super exciting, especially when it becomes your identity, but you can't neglect the other areas of your life. And so that's just one pitfall to avoid. And again, like all the other stages, you need to still continue to grow and evolve and learn. So just make sure that you're still a student of BDSM. You know, even if you're teaching classes yourself, make sure that you're still also taking classes because there is always room for growth. Even if you've mastered a ton of skills, even if you're a master DOM, you still have room to grow. Nobody is perfect. And so we're still constantly learning and evolving. And I know we covered a lot about the journey from newbie to intermediate to advanced to expert and all the key milestone and phases in between. But no matter where you're at in your BDS journey, if you want to get to the next level, definitely check out our All Access Pass. It's at domsuiving.com slash all access. I'll have a link to it in the description. But definitely check that out because we would love to have you. And I'd love to hear what you feel the most important milestones are on the journey of BDSM. So definitely let me know in the comments and be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure with your dom sub living.