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Are trust issues creating tension in your dumb sub relationship? Trust is the foundation of any strong DS dynamic, and without it, everything can start to fall apart. I'm Alessandra from Dumb Sub Living, and I know how challenging it can be to build and maintain trust. In this episode, I'll share key principles to help you strengthen trust in your relationship and create a more fulfilling dynamic. So stick around to learn how. Welcome to the Dom Sub Living Podcast. So I've been a professional BDSM coach and mentor for about six years now. And along the way, I've helped many couples to strengthen their DS relationship through trust building techniques. Because unfortunately, if you're in a Dom sub relationship, probably at some point in the relationship, whether big or small, trust will probably be broken. So in this episode, we're going to be exploring the most important principles for building trust, including communication, consistency, transparency, and more. So we all know how important trust can be, but in the context of BDSM, it is a little different. So trust usually just means the fact that you believe someone. So whether or not you believe your boss at work or you believe a certain politician. But when we're talking about BDSM, trust goes way deeper. So with BDSM, we're really talking about being able to feel safe and respected and valued in your relationship. And trust really needs to go both ways in a Dom-sub relationship. So it's not just the Dom who has to build trust, subs have to build trust too. But for a submissive, trust just really means being able to feel secure, being able to be vulnerable. And for a dominant, that means knowing that their leadership is going to be respected and followed. I know in the beginning of my journey, I was really nervous to share all my different kinks, especially DDLG. And I was just so afraid that if I shared those with my Dom, that I couldn't trust him to hold space for me and that maybe he would judge me or see me as a freak or a weirdo. So I had to really build trust first before I felt comfortable sharing my different kinks with him. And my Dom really struggled in the beginning with trusting me too, as his sub. And so, Doms, they are doing a lot of intense things during scenes, and they have to really trust their submissive that they want this, that they really want it, and that they will safe word if it becomes too hard. So those were some things that my Dom struggled with. I know there was a time in our relationship in the very beginning where my Dom even shared with me that he almost felt like it was some sort of trap. That me coming to him and explaining that I wanted this Dom sub-relationship and to practice BDSM and to even explore those power exchange roles out of the bedroom, it almost felt like it was some kind of trap that I wasn't really wanting it. And like eventually the it would all come out that this was all just a game. So he even had to really overcome that while we started our BDSM relationship. So, how do we start to build trust or rebuild it if it's been broken? Well, obviously, the first thing I'm gonna say is open and honest communication that we really need to be effective in how we communicate because that is really the cornerstone of building trust. So, what this means is being open about your needs, being open about your boundaries, what it is you want, what it is you expect from your partner and the relationship. And one major thing that helps you to maintain those open lines of communication is regular check-ins. I'm always preaching about this. So definitely schedule regular check-ins to just really discuss your dynamic, address any concerns you're dealing with, and just kind of reaffirm your commitment to each other. And so what this looks like for me and my Dom, especially in the beginning, we were having check-ins every night, especially when we made the transition to 24-7. We were always discussing things. And then we would have the weekly check-in, which we still do now. So on Sundays before he goes to work, we check in with our goals, how the past week went, what our wins were, what we want for the following week, if there's anything on top of our mind that we want to discuss. And if you're a member of our All Access Pass, we actually have templates that you can follow for how to do a daily and a weekly check-in. But another key factor in building trust is just really being consistent and reliable. So you need to be consistent in your actions, consistent in your decisions, consistent in your speech as as well as you can. We're all human and so we're gonna make mistakes, but being consistent and to go along with that, when we do make mistakes, mentioning it and acknowledging that we have made a mistake can go a long way instead of just pushing it under the rug and acting like it didn't happen. Because consistency in your actions just really builds that predictability, that reliability, so that each partner can feel safe. And I know it takes time, especially if trust has been broken in the past. You may feel like, how long is it gonna take before I can ever be trusted again? But it's gonna take a while. So you just have to be patient and keep building that track record. So if you make promises or you say you're going to do something, definitely follow through with it because keeping commitments is just so crucial. And it helps to build that trust over time. So if you say you're going to do something, definitely do it. So for example, if you're a DOM and you're telling your sub, like, oh, I want to have a scene this weekend, we should do that. And the weekend comes around and nothing happens, then that's not gonna build trust. So if you're saying you're gonna do something, you definitely have to do it. Or, you know, if something came up and you weren't able to do it and there's some emergency, again, acknowledge that you realize that and how you're gonna make up for it. And believe me, I know consistency can be hard, especially with us. We have jobs, we have kids, we have other responsibilities, we have health issues. So we know consistency can be a real issue. And one of the best ways to help with consistency is really to have accountability. And so that's why in our All Access Pass, if you're all an All Access Pass member, we actually have accountability reviews that we do every month. So what this is is you get a form that you can fill out and it asks you a bunch of questions about how the past month went, what do you have planned for the next month, and a bunch of other questions. And so I read through those every month and we help our members and help coach them along the way. But another key to building trust is just really being as transparent as possible and as open as possible, um, especially if trust has been broken. You you can't even overshare. Like the more you share, if you've broken trust, the better. So just continue to be as open and transparent. So this involves, you know, you're what you're thinking, what you're feeling, um, what you're doing and your actions. And it just really prevents any misunderstandings from happening. And don't be afraid to be vulnerable and share those parts of yourself with your partner too. That can be a great way for building trust because it just really shows that you trust your partner with even your most deepest innermost feelings. So if you're a submissive, one of the easiest ways to do this is to have a submissive journal. So this is something that we do in our dynamic where I journal every day. And sometimes my Dom even gives me certain journal prompts and I journal, and then because of the what we've consented to, that I even share what I've journaled with my Dom, that he can read at any time, and that's something that we have decided and negotiated on. So see if that will fit your relationship. But definitely journaling is a great way to be vulnerable and share with your Dom what's on your mind. And if you need free journal prompts or a free submissive journal, definitely go to domsubliving.com slash journal and you can download free journal prompts there. And then the other key for establishing trust or rebuilding trust is just to have mutual respect for each other and for your boundaries. So respect is just huge. It's really showing our partner that we value them and that we value their comfort and their consent and that we really view them as a partner. Um, even with our relationship as a dom sub, I see myself as his property and he sees me as his property. So there's really that respect and that ownership, and it really goes a long way. And so mutual respect is just really the foundation of trust. And so, some ways you can even do this in even small ways or just continuing to use each other's honorifics. I know even with me, that sometimes when I'm getting a little upset or bratty, that is sometimes the first thing to go that I'll stop referring to my dominant as daddy or sir. And so just continue to use those honorifics and it can just really be a small sign of respect. And then using what we call eye messages too. So when we are talking with our partners, that is a great way to show respect is just to say, I feel this way when this happens and I'd rather this happen, instead of being combative and always saying, you did this, you didn't do that. So making sure that our speech is respectful too. And then, of course, all the other dom sub ways to show respect. So whether that's things like kneeling or just having different rituals, those can all show respect too. So I know we covered a lot today about building trust in DS relationships, everything from communication to consistency, transparency, and respect. And if you want to improve your Dom Sub relationship, definitely check out our All Access Pass. You can see it at Domsubliving.com slash all access. I'll even have a link to it in the description. And I'd love to know what's the biggest challenge you faced in building trust in your DS relationship. Let me know in the comments. I'd love to hear your experiences and help address them in future episodes. So be sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss out on any of those. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sum Living.