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Is it possible to be a Christian and still practice BDSM? Well, for many people, they feel conflicted between their faith and their desires. You might even feel like you're a bad Christian if you practice BDSM. But what if I told you there's more to this story? I'm Alessandra from Dom Subliving, and today we're diving deep into what the Bible really says about BDSM. So stick around because the truth may surprise you. Welcome to the Dom Subliving podcast. So this may actually seem like a really weird topic to do an episode about, but it's actually a really common question and concern that I get a lot, actually. So even just the other day, I got someone emailing me saying they said that they were a Christian, that they're really into flogging and spanking, but they just feel really bad and dirty and that they're struggling with themselves. So from time to time, I get comments like these. And I actually really struggled with this too, because I won't go into a whole big long background about this, but my Dom and I were actually in a what would be considered like a high control Christianity group. And in this group, we were considered ministers. So everyone who is in this religion who go through Bible training, they're considered ministers. And so we were in this high control group. And even to this day, I still consider myself a Christian because Christian just means follower of Christ. And I still believe and try to follow a lot of the Christian teachings that Jesus taught. So, but in the beginning of my journey, this was um something really I struggled with because I had this deep faith and fear of God really and fear of displeasing him. But I was really into kink ambitiism and wanting to explore that. So what I really had to do is just kind of dig into the Bible and um really see for myself. So I'm going to be sharing a lot of verses in the Bible, but I just want to give a huge disclaimer that I am not God. So you can't take what I'm saying as gospel that you still have to answer to whatever higher power you believe in. But hopefully I will give you some food for thought because a lot of the things that I found out from the Bible really surprise me. But let's start with the basics. So, why does this topic seem so controversial? Like, why do people still even struggle with this? Why is this such even a taboo thing? Well, because many people feel that there's a direct conflict between Christian values and the practices in BDSM. So whether that be kink or Dom Sum dynamics or just bondage and things like that. But so a lot of people feel like these things are really at, you know, at ends with each other, and that you can't do one and the other. Things are very black and white. And so you see people very charged emotionally on each side. And with religion, there's also a lot of um self-loathing, even, and seeing ourselves as sinners and not wanting to make God unhappy so we don't get punished or we don't get rewarded. And so there is a lot of religious trauma going on with this. And that was the case for myself. I'll probably be sharing a lot more about this in the future because it's a whole other can of worms. But so many people just really see BDSM and Christianity as these two opposing things. And then also why it's just such a big issue is because BDSM has been historically misunderstood and it's usually mislabeled as sinful and deviant or even morally corrupt. And in fact, it wasn't until recently, I think 2013, that BDSM was actually taken out of the DSM V. So, what the DSM V is, is this manual for healthcare workers and it's for psychology and psychiatry of really just showing what are mental health disorders. And so BDSM, until recently, was actually classified as this, you know, mental health disorder. So it has that stigma too. But of course, it was later taken out because we see no practicing BDSM is completely healthy by consenting adults. So it um it is not a mental illness, but some people still have that in their mind and they associate it with it. So growing up in this religion, this high control religion, I just kind of had this knowledge that BDSM was bad, that BDSM was a sin. And I never really stopped to think where that idea came from. Is that really grounded in scriptures in the Bible, or is that just kind of a cultural hangover from other generations? So starting to practice BDSM myself and wanting to get into it, I really had to dig deeper. And to make matters even worse on my journey, that whenever I did try to research BDSM in my, you know, religious teachings that they had, that anytime BDSM was mentioned, it was always kind of lumped in with a whole bunch of other gross and even illegal practices, things I can't even mention in this episode without like getting it taken down. So my religion just, you know, had this blanket statement that BDSM is bad and it's so bad we're gonna lump it in with all these horrible, horrible, um, illegal, very morally bad things. And so again, no real scripture. So I really wanted to on my own research this for myself. And what I found was actually very surprising. But I think a lot of people get into BDSM andor they hear about BDSM and they have all these myths that they believe. So the first myth that people always tend to believe is that BDSM is always violent or that it's even abusive. So, first things first, BDSM is always consensual, or it should be consensual between consenting adults. So everything you're doing is consented to, so it is not abuse. So even though you may be looking at it from the outside and thinking that is horrible, how can someone actually like that and consent to it? These are consenting adults. So BDSM relationships, I think, even put more emphasis on consent than even vanilla relationships I have seen. So um, there's more of a conversation. You're even doing things like contracts and negotiations, um, safe words, all of these things, hard and soft limits. Um, so all of these things are really ensuring consent. So it is definitely not abusive. And then again, just the myth that BDSM means that you're not a good Christian. Um, and I think they people think this because they think of Christ and they think, you know, God is love and all these things, but BDSM can be very loving, it can be a huge expression of love, it can even be romantic. So it can be all of these things that really go extremely well with Christianity and especially the scriptures I'm gonna be sharing too. And then the other myth is kind of just this blanket statement that you know true Christians shouldn't practice BDSM. And it would probably surprise you how many people who consider themselves Christians who practice BDSM, you know, privately and they've been able to reconcile that with their faith. I've even had members in my programs who are Christian ministers who have told me that a lot of what they have learned in BDSM, they have gone on and talked to their, you know, their flock, their their members and and used some of that because so much kind of just overlaps and correlates. So you would be surprised at the the type of people that that practice BDSM in real life. So maybe you've believed some of these, miss, and they are just really holding you back from really just exploring your desires, or once you've started exploring BDSM, you think, well, you know, I have to give up Christianity now. So um I'm we're definitely gonna be digging into more of this, but I would love to know your experiences too in the comments. So definitely share. I think this is gonna be a really revealing episode. So again, on my journey, I I really wanted to have a clean conscience and know that, you know, I knew that what I was doing was consensual between me and my Dom, who's actually my husband, but I wanted to make sure that, you know, according to the Bible, that I wasn't doing anything wrong. And so I'm gonna share some scriptures. You can look them up in your own Bible or, you know, just follow along. But I think it'll be really interesting. A lot of people don't know what the Bible actually says, and a lot of people are kind of stunned when I show them. Did you know the Bible said this? So um, yeah, let's take our first verse in the Bible that I'm gonna be talking about, and that is Ephesians 5, 22 through 25. So it says, Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands and everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. So this was the first verse that I kind of came across in my own research where I'm like, okay, I'm not doing anything wrong. Like, I have a husband, I'm a wife, and I am submitting to my husband because I am the sub. And when you look at the word sub, that it means submissive. So it kind of just makes sense. So when you're talking about dominant submissive relationships, it kind of just makes sense that they really go along with this scripture. So um, again, you know, the husband is the head of the wife, and so um, especially for heteronormative Dom sub dynamics where the the man is the Dom, the the woman is the submissive. This is like straight up goes along with what the Bible says. So, you know, that was pretty plain and obvious that wives are to submit, they are to be submissive, and this is God's arrangement according to how it is. And you can see that, you know, again, it's done with love. And we know that for love, it needs to be consensual, and so we were not doing anything wrong according to this scripture. So the next verse I'm going to be reading is Hebrews 13:4. Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. So the surprising thing is a lot of people will actually use this scripture to show that BDSM dynamics are actually bad and immoral. And again, there's nothing in here that is talking about that. So, like all verses in the Bible, you kind of have to take them in context, but here we're talking about marriage. And so in my case, I was married to my dom and it says for the marriage bed to be kept pure. And so I figured, well, according to the context of the scripture, that's talking about adultery, which we were not doing again. It was just me and him, and we are consenting adults, and it says sexually immoral. And the Bible is very plain in all the things it talks about that are immoral, and you could go into your Bible and and read them all. It is very graphic. Um, again, I cannot even talk about it in this episode because it will be taken down, but the Bible is very explicit in what it considers immoral. And in none of those cases does it talk about consensual acts between a husband and a wife. So I thought, okay, again, I'm, you know, following the Bible. We are keeping our marriage bed, which is a symbol for the marriage arrangement. We're keeping it pure. It's just me and him. We're not committing adultery, we're not doing any of these abhorrent things. And so it's just consensual. But again, some people will kind of use this to show that BDSM is actually bad. And that was kind of what happened with the the church elders in our religion when they found out that's a whole nother story, but how they found out what we were were doing, they kind of said that it was immorally wrong. And I kind of had to ask them, well, what is morally right for a couple to do in their own bed? And one scripture I actually brought to their attention was Proverbs 5, 19. So I'll read that. It says, A loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breast satisfy you always. May you ever be intoxicated with her love. So very interesting, isn't it? So, you know, the previous Bible verse was talking about keeping the marriage bed free from immorality and keeping it pure. But here we have a verse saying, enjoy your wife's breasts and even be intoxicated with her love. And so we're talking about getting, you know, intoxicated, which according to the Bible is actually something bad. So we're supposed to enjoy each other's bodies, is what this verse is saying. That humans who are consenting are supposed to have fun in bed. And so that was kind of one of my arguments that would then who chooses what is acceptable and not acceptable. And so if you are enjoying yourself and like the scripture said, satisfying yourself, then that should be all that matters. But again, many people may think these are just referring to chase acts or different vanilla activities and not about the actual things that happened during BDSM. But if you want to check out the whole book of Song of Solomon, like whoa, like some freaky stuff is talked about in that book. And the interesting thing is in the Song of Solomon, it's talking about two people that aren't even married yet. And the whole thing is just freaky freaky, and it's full of a ton of innuendos. Like, I could have referenced a ton of stuff that is in Song of Solomon where they're getting pretty freaky, but I will just share uh a couple verses here. So this is Song of Solomon, chapter seven, six through nine. It says, How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride, how much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice. Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breast like clusters of fruit. I said, I will climb the palm tree, I will take hold of its fruit. May your breasts be like clusters of grapes, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. So, again, lots of innuendos in there, but again, these people aren't married, and they're talking about grabbing each other's fruits, climbing up their trees and grabbing um their breasts that are like clusters of grapes and apples. Um, and then there's another one here in Solomon 4:16 where it kind of gets worse. Awake, North Wind, and come, south wind, blow on my garden that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into its garden and taste its choice fruits. So again, these are kind of innuendos, and is pretty obvious like what they're talking about. So, again, this isn't talking about like chaste only vanilla missionary stuff. This is talking about like really enjoying each other's fruits and tasting them. Um, so yeah, it's it's pretty interesting. So again, it's getting pretty dang graphic about what is going on between those two people, but probably one of the biggest verses that I came across that I feel supports DDSM is in First Corinthians 7, 3 through 5. And it says, the husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but yields it to his wife. So, in some of the other scriptures I was reading, it did look kind of heteronormative where it said the submissive wife needed to be in submission to her husband. But when you're looking at this scripture, it talks about both the husband and the wife having control over each other's body. So if you have a partner who wants to have control of your body and you are consenting to that, that sounds a lot like BDSM. And that scripture sounds a lot like power exchange, where you're giving the other person power over your own body. And so, what I like about this scripture too is it's not really heteronormative. That in some cases, if the the wife wants to be the dominant, then so be it. Or if the husband wants to be submissive, that you can have authority over each other's body, it's not just that one way, you know, down from God trickles down to the husband and down to the wife, that this is describing a power exchange. And so it's about having that authority that the Bible said, or that power over each other's bodies. So that was my thinking. If I am with my husband and he is wanting to do these things to my body, and I am consenting to that and giving over, you know, the authority to him to do that, then that is God's arrangement. And who am I to come between God and you know, my husband and myself? And so I just thought this is what clearly says in the Bible. So, how can it be wrong? So, in my studies of the Bible, I couldn't find a single scripture that specifically says anything against BDSM. Um, if anything, there was so much for it, because when you you take the qualities that are in the the Bible of love and respect and communication, all those things are part of Christianity, but it's also a huge part of BDSM. But I think people have these stigmas about BDSM that they don't even realize it. So, in the very beginning of our journey, I was able to find a way to kind of marry these two identities of myself. So being a submissive and being a Christian, I was able to integrate my faith with BDSM, and I really felt too like it kind of complemented each other that as I was giving submission to my husband, it made me feel in a way closer to God, even because I feel like BDSM was making me a better person. And so as a result, it was making me a better Christian as well. And I think um a lot of the qualities I started to develop, like respect, even self-respect, um, love, and mutual care for my partner, that just really made me a better person overall, it made me happier and healthier too. So I was able to be in a better headspace to to give my faith. But like I said, I was in this high control religion that they had their own way of doing things, they had their their own rules. So even though they couldn't show me from the Bible that BDSM was wrong, they had already decided that BDSM was wrong. They already made that decision for me. So there's no consent on their part about their rules. And so we did eventually have to leave that religion just for my own sanity, my Dom's sanity. And that'll be a whole other topic because it actually got really, really nasty. And very, very horrible. But I do consider myself still a Christian. Sometimes people ask me that how can you be a Christian when you were in this high control group? Or how can you be a Christian when you're practicing BDSM? But when again, I think about being a Christian means being a follower of Jesus. And when I take the actual teachings that he taught in the Bible, um, again, the the teachings of love and loving your neighbor, like you can't go wrong with that. But if you are struggling to kind of reconcile your faith with BDSM and feeling wrong or dirty, it will take time. Like this wasn't an overnight process for me. It really took a very, very long time because I had this ingrained, this black and white version of BDSM is bad and gross. But you really just have to start with being honest with yourself about your desires and what you you truly believe too. It really made me stop and think like, well, what is it that I believe? I really had to dig into the Bible to think, what is it that I'm actually believing? So speak with friends that you trust, either you know, in your religion or in the BDSM community, talk to different mentors, do your own research in the Bible, um, read your own Bible. I think a lot of people, again, don't even know what the Bible really says. If even if you're not into the Bible, I think your homework should be reading the Song of Solomon and reading all the innuendos. There is like a ton more that like I couldn't even read during this episode because I, you know, I'm afraid I will get censored. Um, a lot of things, you know, talking about drinking each other's honey and things like that. So it was just like really, really bizarre that this is in the Bible. But you can find peace and you can find balance when in the beginning I had this huge conflict. It was so hard that every time we did BDSM, I felt like I was this horrible person. I was sinning against the creator of the universe. And so it really took a long time, but in the end, I just really felt this peace that I was doing the right thing for me and my partner, and it made me a better person. So you definitely have to find this balance that um you really have to take your time to. But for me, accepting both parts of who I am just really brought myself this wholeness that I never really felt before. I remember telling my my Dom that I felt like I had these two different identities and they they couldn't ever coexist. And I was just always, always in conflict with it. But I stopped trying to just fit into this box that other people were putting me in, and I just really started embracing both worlds and just creating this one identity that is who I am. And there is a lot more to the story, like I said, that was a whole big ordeal, and a lot of things came out of this. Um, I really had to do some soul searching too, so I'm kind of giving you the condensed version, but definitely subscribe because I am going to be like spilling the beans on all of the drama that happened and what religion I was actually in and what the details happened. Um, we actually um got disciplined in the religion. It was very interesting. So, but I just want to tell you do your own research again, read the Bible, but you do not need to feel this self-loathing conflict that I felt that, you know, whether or not you believe in God, whether or not you believe in a higher power, that no one who created this universe or whatever created this universe would want you to feel that way. Um, the universe wants you to be healthy and happy. And as long as it's consensual, that's all that matters. So just remember you don't have to choose between your faith and your desires. You can't have both. And I'd love to learn more about your story and how you've been able to find peace with both your beliefs and the lifestyle. So definitely share it with me. Let me know in the comments. But again, if you're struggling with this, here are the steps you can take. Definitely study the Bible with an open mind. You can look up the scriptures that I shared, read them in your own Bible, and just, you know, seek out help from others that are open-minded people that don't already have a preconceived idea of what the rules should be for everybody. Because remember, your journey is unique. It's as unique as you are, and you have to figure this out on your own, and you deserve to explore both sides fully. But if this helped, please like and share it with someone who might need to hear this message. But today we explored whether BDSM and Christianity can coexist and we looked at Bible passages, we debunked myths, and we talked about how to find peace within yourself. But I love to hear your thoughts, so definitely comment and message me. Let's keep this conversation going. And be sure to check out all of our other episodes where we cover all things kink, BDSM, and Dom Sub relationships. But thank you for joining me. And until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sub Living.