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Are you curious about protocols? Or maybe you sense your relationship is just getting a little stale and you want to create a little more structure? Well, you might be worried that adding protocols will just complicate your routine, but it doesn't have to be hard. Hi, I'm Alessandra from Dom Sub Living, and today I'm going to show you how simple protocols can actually deepen your bond and make your dynamic feel more thrilling than ever. I'll even give you some examples and share some of the ones I personally do in my dynamic. So let's get into it. Welcome to the Dom Subliving Podcast. Before I share all of my proven tips and tricks for protocols, definitely grab my free list of 20 different protocols at DomSubliving.com slash protocols. That way you can see real life examples to help inspire you. And again, you can download that for free at Domsubliv.com slash protocols. But back to our episode. So what exactly is protocols and why are they so important? Well, let's start with the basics. So protocols are just basically specific rituals or behaviors or actions that you do that kind of reinforce the dynamic between a dominant and a submissive. And they can kind of be in a symbolic or a practical way to just reinforce those roles that you have. And I often get asked, well, what's the difference between a protocol and a ritual? And I will say a lot of people just use those terms interchangeably. And in fact, in this episode, I'm I'm probably gonna do that too. But if you want the like the clear, hard and fast, what's the difference? So protocols are really more structured. These can be structured rules and they kind of guide your behavior and maintain that dynamic. And then rituals are more symbolic, and a lot of times there's more emotion involved. You're more kind of enforcing that, reinforcing that emotional connection you have. So again, you're free to use them interchangeably, but um, for the sake of this video, we're talking usually more about the structured rules that you would have in your dynamic. But why do protocols matter so much? Why are we always talking about them when we're talking about BDSM relationships? Well, protocols really give the relationship more of that structure, like we talked about, and they just keep reminding both partners of their roles. But especially when life gets busy, a lot uh oftentimes it's really hard to stay in our role when we're dealing with work or kids or family and illness and things like that. So protocols are really just that glue that holds everything together, even during the most stressful times in your dynamic. And one of the first protocols that I had in my dynamic, and we still do this too, is that when my dominant would come home from work, I would just immediately stop whatever I was doing and go and greet him. And so it was a simple thing. So even if it was a hectic day and I was busy, it was just a moment where I could recognize him as my dominant and it just kind of instantly shifted our roles. So he was coming home from a busy day at work. I may have a busy day with household chores and the kids, but it was just something immediate to snap us back into our roles that really helped. Because think about it. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to fall out of your dynamic when things get hectic? We kind of talk about it as getting into that vanilla rut or putting BDSM and kink on the back burner. But protocols are just really those little tiny anchors. They don't have to be big, but they're these anchors that really just hold us and center us in our dynamic. And before we dive into all of the examples and all the ways you can create your own protocols, let's really just talk about the benefits that protocols can have in a DS relationship. So there is the emotional benefit of having protocols. So for me, these different rituals and protocols that we have in our dynamic are just really gives me a sense of grounding. They help me to remember my submission, they make my dominant feel more in control. And it's almost a way of like hitting a reset button on our dynamic and on our roles to really just snap us back. And again, kind of like what we already talked about, these really give us a sense of security and consistency when when times are really stressful, they can they can give us something to focus on other than all the stress and chaos that is happening in the background. So it really can just kind of give us that peace of mind to really just focus on something when everything else just seems so chaotic. And in addition to all of the emotional benefits, there's actually physical benefits too, because a lot of these protocols have different postures or a physical gesture with them, and they can really just reinforce the dynamic. They can even be a huge turn-on to because then you're thinking about your role, you're you're thinking about all of the kinky things you do in your dynamic. So they can just really help shift your mindset into more of those that Dom sub way of thinking. And I'll give you a personal example of how this has really helped me. So one of our nightly um protocols is that I kneel at night. And so, kneeling for me has become this thing that has given me so many emotional and physical benefits because it gives me a time in the day to sit and kneel. Because if I'm so stressed and dealing with so many things throughout the day and just rushing from one fire to the next, it seems, this is finally a chance where I can sit, I can focus on my breath, I can focus on my submission, and it just really puts me in that right frame of mind. And my body is more relaxed, my mind is more relaxed. And so these, it doesn't have to be a huge protocol. Kneeling is something you can do, you know, in a couple minutes, but it just really, really helps. So if you have ever felt like your dynamic was slipping, especially during stressful times, protocols can help you just reignite that connection. But I hear from so many people where they think, uh, I don't want to add protocols. I already have a million things to do in my life. I have, you know, work and kids and tasks and chores, and I don't want to have to add another thing to my to-do list, another thing to remember, because it it can you can get in that trap where you feel like you need to add like 20 protocols right away. And I do have that list of 20 protocols, but definitely don't do all of them right away. But you can really just start with one or two simple things and fit that into your everyday life. And I'm gonna show you how to do that too in this episode. So your first step would just be to pick a moment in your day where you're already doing something. So if you're already having a meal, I mean everybody has to eat. So you can have a ritual around that. Um, when you're going to bed, everybody goes to bed. So maybe have a ritual around that. Or um, like the the example I gave when my dom comes home to work, you know, from work. That's something that happens every day, where you know, regardless. These are little things in our everyday routine. So you can just throw a small protocol into that. So really start brainstorming what it is you're already doing with each other, maybe it's texting, things like that, even if you're long distance, but really start there. And then the second thing you want to do is even though you want to keep it simple, you want to keep it meaningful. So, in my example of kneeling, so you know, that is something simple where I just, okay, get on my knees. And it could be, okay, I get on my knees, I stay there for 10 seconds, and then I get up and and you know, just get in bed. But try to think of ways you can bring more meaning into it. So with the kneeling, that my dom he sees me when I kneel, and he has to make sure that my posture is a certain way, that my shoulders back, he's always getting me on that, that my hands are in a certain placement, that my head is down. And, you know, he'll leave me like that in um a little while so I can really focus on my breath, but really start trying to put more meaning into it. And so that's a time too where I can think about my submission as he's watching me. He can think about his um role as a dominant and and how we can grow closer as Dom sub and what that means to him as a Dom. So again, just trying to inject more meaning into these um protocols and rituals that you have. And then the third step is just to really choose a protocol that reflects your roles. Um, so for example, if you're a dominant, maybe it's checking in with your submissive at the end of the day so that way you have that control over them and their life. Um, if you're a submissive, it can be a simple act of service, like even serving your dominant coffee in the morning. And that is a protocol that we do. And I remember in the beginning thinking that this was just such a small thing that, you know, he could do this himself if he wanted to. Um and it's super, super quick. But um, just putting more thoughtfulness into it, I could see he really appreciated me serving him coffee. And so just over time, it became this bigger ritual that really just reminded us of our roles and just really put us in that good frame of mind at the very start of the day, too. So think about one moment in your day where you can add a protocol. It again, it doesn't have to be something complicated, just a small action to remind you of your roles, but just really think about what you could be adding. So you started adding some simple protocols. Well, now it's time to expand those protocols gradually. So you really want to start slow and build over time. So maybe you have one or two protocols that you're doing and it's going great. Well, now you can add one more that could be maybe in an area that you've been missing. Maybe you are doing morning and nighttime rituals. Well, is there an a ritual or a protocol that you can do um during the afternoon as well? Um, but I want to caution here, don't add protocols just for the sake of having protocols. Um, they need to have a reason why you're doing it and an end result. So you always want to keep that in mind too. And so another protocol that we started having was with my collar. So I started wearing a day collar so that I would, you know, put it on at the start of every day to remember my submission. But then my Dom wanted to have a protocol around that that would help him and his dominance too. So um we thought of the the protocol of before our scenes for him to put on a different collar, a play collar that would kind of signify, okay, we're transitioning now to the actual playtime kind of thing. And after the scene, it can be a protocol that he takes it off, you know, puts it in its place, and it becomes more of this ceremonial type thing. But again, be careful about adding too many protocols because that's what happened to us, especially with our scenes. When we started adding too many protocols with our scenes, it just was so overwhelming for both of us, and it felt like things were more of a chore and we were kind of going through our scenes more robotically, and so you don't want to get into that trap as well. So it's important to start slow and progress because the protocols should be serving you, not the other way around. You shouldn't be serving the protocols. Um, we don't want to get so inundated and strict with these protocols that they're not fun and enjoyable anymore. And so there's a lot of pitfalls that can happen and a lot of mistakes that can happen with protocols. So I'm I'm gonna share some of the most common ones that I see people make. So the biggest one we've already talked about, but that's overcomplicating protocols because the biggest mistake I see people make is making these overly complex protocols, especially in service dynamics where it becomes almost impossible to memorize. And that's not to say that uh submissive shouldn't have to learn and memorize certain, you know, things they have to do. But if it's like not humanly possible for for someone to like maybe get this in the you know, second or or third try, that maybe it might be a little too complicated. Because again, the the goal of the protocol is to bring you both closer in the dynamic, bring you both closer in your role, and it's not to create this overwhelm. And the second pitfall I see is that people lack consistency in their protocols. And if you're not consistent, the protocol really loses its meaning. Um, so definitely if you miss a day, that's okay. Just get back on track quickly and continue to make it a habit. The worst thing you want to do is just not even acknowledge that you are noticing that the protocol isn't happening anymore. So definitely bring it to your partner's attention and just say something simple like, hey, I noticed we used to do this and we're not doing it anymore. Um, how can we get back on track? Because there was a time where we got too busy with life and that happened to us, and we just started skipping some of the protocols. But after a while, we really saw that our connection was suffering. And so we definitely checked in with each other and got back on track. And I'm sure if you've ever let a protocol slip, I'm sure you've noticed a change in your dynamic too. So again, just try your best to get back on track as soon as possible. Because one of my biggest tips is if you're starting off with protocols or you have protocols too and they're not really working for you, or you're starting and stopping, one of the biggest protocols you can focus on and implement is just having a daily check-in. And I think having it in the morning is good because the day is not started yet. You know, things are gonna be trying to have your attention, um, work is gonna be trying to have your attention, or kids. And so if you can just start with a small daily check-in, even if you're not together having a a daily, you know, text where you can communicate with each other in your roles too, and just really, really um just have that check-in where you can see how you're both feeling. And maybe you do it again at lunchtime, or you can do it even in the evening too. That's when me and my Dom tip typically do our check-ins. So you can ask your partner, what's one thing you did today that strengthened your role or the dynamic? Or if you're asking this in the morning, you can say, What's one thing you plan to do today to strengthen your role and the dynamics? So definitely try that out. Let me know how it goes for you. But remember, BDSM protocols don't have to be complicated. So start small, build over time, and stay consistent. Protocols will not only deepen your bond, but they'll also keep your dynamics strong through all of life's ups and downs. But if this episode was helpful, be sure to subscribe for more content like this and definitely grab my free list of 20 different protocols at domsubliving.com slash protocols. And that way you can see real life examples to help inspire you. And again, you can download that for free at domsubliving.com slash protocols. And let me know in the comments which protocols have worked best for you or if you have any questions. I'd love to hear from you. But thank you for joining me. And until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Subliving.