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Are you a submissive eager to level up your role? Or are you a dominant looking to elevate your submissive training? If either of those apply to you, you're in the right place. So many subs feel stuck, unsure of how to deepen their submission, while DOMs can struggle to guide their subs in a way that feels authentic. Hi, I'm Alessandra from Dom Subliving, and today we're uncovering the secrets of structured training that will help you thrive in this lifestyle. So stick around to learn more about how you can use these tips to take your dynamic to the next level. Welcome to the Dom Subliving podcast. Now before we begin, if you want to become a better submissive or you're a Dom who wants to help their sub improve, I want to first tell you about my free how to be a good sub cheat sheet. You can download it for free at Domsubliving.com slash sub. It includes a list of tips for how to improve in the submissive role and what makes a good sub. So you can download that for free at Domsubliv.com slash sub. I hear a lot of people say that they don't need or want a structured training plan in their dynamic because they feel it makes it less natural and kind of not as organic for living this lifestyle. But there is a lot of benefit from having an actual structured training plan. So for the submissive, having that training plan really gives you purpose. It gives you a goal to reach for and to strive for and to know what's expected of you. Um, it gives you clarity so that way when you wake up in the morning, you kind of know what your purpose is and how you can serve your DOM better. And without this structure, it can kind of just feel like you're just kind of drifting through the dynamic. And for DOMs too, having that structured training approach really just ensures that you're providing a meaningful experience and helping to guide your sub. Because training is more than just teaching your sub how to be obedient and behave. It's really about helping your sub, your sub grow in all areas. So emotionally, mentally, and physically too. And when you think about it, when you went to school when you were younger or when you're in college and you're taking a class, the the teacher, you know, the person who's guiding you will have something like a syllabus so you know everything that is expected of you and what the class rules are. You'll have curriculum, so you will have assignments, you'll even have tests. That way you can see if you're on track, you can know how you're improving. You might even, you know, get grades and things like that. So just like how we need that structure when we are learning as you know, students, submissives need that training too. And one of my members, actually, who's a DOM, he really struggled with creating a consistent training plan for their submissive. And so the result was that the sub really felt neglected, really unsure of what to focus on, what the direction of the dynamic was going to be. So once they created that plan together, so their relationship deepened, of course, but the sub actually got more confident in their role too. And I know for me personally, when we started implementing more of a formal structure, that's when I really felt like I was improving and progressing. And my submission just really took on a life of its own. And I saw an improvement in my Dom right away, too, because he felt more connected in his role and in the dynamic. And he just started taking more of an active guiding role and helping me take all these different steps in our dynamic. So, really think about how would your dynamic change if you instead had a clear step-by-step plan to follow? How much stronger would your relationship become? So that brings us to my first secret for creating a training plan, and that is to have a personalized training plan for your dynamic, not someone else's, because there is no one size fits all approach when it comes to BDSM, because every relationship is different, every person is different, they have unique experiences and limitations. You may have kids, you may have health limitations. So what works for one couple won't work for another, won't work for another. And that's why with my students, I'm never like, okay, you need to do exactly these protocols, exactly do these rituals, um, exactly do scenes this number of times. Like, no, every dynamic is different. And so having a personalized training plan is really key for both the DOM and the sub. So when you're thinking of how to tailor this for you, so if you're a a sub, you really want to focus on what your strengths are and also helping to improve your weaknesses. And again, that is different for everyone, but you and your DOM can work together and help create tasks and different rituals and protocols that really help suit you and the dynamic. And so, DOMs, you really need to think of this training plan as like your blueprint. It allows you to track how your sub is progressing or not progressing, how to maybe adjust the intensity or the focus. Um, and just it can really help strengthen your role as the leader and show your sub too that you're invested in their growth. If you you don't have any formal plan or structure and you're just kind of telling your sub, well, we'll do things as I see fit and when I feel like it, it's not going to give the sub a lot of confidence that you know what you're doing and that you have a plan. Because in a lot of cases, they're literally putting their life in your hand. So it's good to know that the person they're trusting has their best interests at heart and that they actually have a plan, not a concept of a plan. But when you're tailoring it to you and your dynamic, really think about to what kind of dynamic you have. So if you have more of a service-based dynamic, you can include different daily or weekly service tasks for your sub to do. Um, or if your dynamic is more centered around power exchange, there might be more intense protocols that are really strict. So again, you just have to adapt. So to really put this into practice, DOMS, sit down with your subs and ask them what areas they want to improve in. And subs, you can think about your strengths and the aspects of your submission that maybe you find challenging and you want to improve, but you just can kind of use that as the foundation for your plan. So, really think about what's one area you know you could improve in right now, and how would a training plan help both of you to feel more aligned in your DS dynamic? So that was the first secret to creating a submissive training plan that you really want to personalize it for your dynamic. Now, the second secret is to know the purpose and the why behind the training. Now, overall, the purpose of submissive training is really to train the submissive and mold the submissive into the version that that would be pleasing to the Dom and helping to get the submissive to their fullest potential. And the analogy, like my Dom always likes to use, is kind of like a car analogy. So he likes to work on old beat-up cars. And so he just thinks about if you were to take this car and how would you modify it? How would you tinker with it? What little things would maybe you change or improve? What weaknesses does maybe this car have that you can help and make it better? And so over time, because it will take time, you design this car to be the exact car that you want it to be. And it's an ongoing process. If you've ever worked on cars before, I mean, I've I've had a Mustang, he's had a Camaro. So when you have these cars, these you know hot rod cars, that it's not just you worked on the car and you remodeled it and it's done. It's a constant, constant battle of always fixing things, readjusting things. And so that's exactly how it is with submissive training, that the the DOM is taking on this role to really mold this person how they think that they should be, how they want to be, help them get them to their fullest potential and make adjustments along the way because life is gonna come at them and you're gonna constantly have to make those adjustments. So training in a BDSM dynamic isn't just about following rules or mastering protocols. It's really about understanding that deeper why, though, behind the action. So without knowing the purpose of the training, it can kind of feel like robotic and disconnected because no one understands why you're doing the things you're doing, but having that more structured training plan can just really help bring more meaning and strengthen the dynamic. And I'll give you an example of this. So I see a lot of new dynamics right off the bat have this protocol in their training where they want the submissive to drink more water. Like maybe it's eight glasses a day, you have to drink water. And that's good. We should all be drinking more water, but I always have to think like, why? Why are they doing this? And maybe they have a good reason, but a lot of times they can't answer it. When I am coaching people and I ask them what are their protocols, what is their training look like? And they say, you know, I have my submissive drink eight glasses of water a day. And I'm always like, why? And do they know why they're doing that? Um, and it again, it could be totally fine if the submissive is having a hard time taking in enough water, if they're too busy, if they've had health issues where they need to drink more water, or they're just wanting them to be more focused throughout the day. But um, like just having a protocol because you heard it somewhere that a dominant has their sub drink a certain amount of cups a day of water, it doesn't make sense. So um, and that's not to say we don't do things like that in our dynamic, but it's just always having that why um because the submissive really needs to understand why is this being asked to me. Um, again, when we talked about the submissive's weaknesses and trying to improve those, is that really a weakness that they already have? Have they come to you and said, I have this weakness where I can't drink enough water? Um, you know, I'm passing out from dehydration? Like, so again, try not to just have a uh training, just to have training. So you should be asking yourself, does this training that I'm trying to implement, is it to help the submissive trust? Is it helping them to grow? Um, is it helping to please the DOM? Is it deepening the relationship? So those are all questions you can ask yourself while you're creating your structured training plan. And for a DOM, if you know the deeper why behind it, it gives you more motivation to enforce it. If you have, again, that protocol of drink so many glasses of water a day, and you can't even express why this is so important, then maybe when you find out, oh, okay, your submissive only had six glasses a day, you're less likely to have the energy and the willingness to enforce it, to punishment, punish it if need be. So the dominant needs to know these reasons too. But I'll give you an example during a scene. So, for example, one protocol you might have is where the submissive is instructed to stand in a certain pose with their hands behind their back. Um, maybe their eyes have to be, you know, looking down and just remaining still like that until their dominant tells them they can move. So on the surface, that kind of just looks like a simple task. And I know some dynamics have like a range of positions and they number them. So the the submissive has to, you know, memorize these. And again, the dominant needs to be able to say why. And so, in in these instances, you know, it just may look like simple postures, but it's really helping to train the submissive to be patient, to have mental endurance, to have self-control, to have self-restraint. And it's about being able to wait for their dominance orders too. So again, have more meaning behind the training and why you're doing it and express that to your partner. And because sometimes things on the surface may look really simple, but they have that deeper meaning and it can just help motivate both of you. Because I remember personally when my dominant had a protocol for me to serve him coffee, I was supposed to do it in a certain way, hand him the cup in a certain way, have my head lowered down, and kind of then serve it to him and take a step back. And I just kind of felt that was like a little silly way to do it, and it just kind of seemed like a simple ritual. But when he later explained it to me that it was a way to teach me respectfulness and mindfulness, and then I just started viewing that totally different and knowing that my service was in that instance more than just coffee, giving him coffee. It really just took on more meaning and helped me to connect with him even more. So, subs, my my tip for you would be to really take the time to reflect on the the purpose of these rituals and protocols and all this other training task that you do. Um, maybe journal about them and what they mean for you. And if you don't know, ask your DOM why. What is the purpose of these? You know, ask respectfully, but let them know like this isn't clear to me. Can you please explain it to me? Because you really want to keep those lines of communication open. And DOMs who really need to listen to your subs. And that way they can stay motivated and connected with you. And if you can't figure out the reason when they ask you why, then maybe it's time to take that task out of your training protocol and brainstorm something together that would bring more meaning and actually serve the dynamic even better. Because what difference would it make in your dynamic if you truly understood the deeper purpose behind everything you're doing? How much more meaning could those rituals and tasks that you're doing, how much more meaningful could they become to the dynamic? Because when both Adam and Sub know the why behind the training, it's no longer about doing these just simple actions. It's really about that emotional and mental connection that you're building. But if you're totally stumped about what kind of training tasks you can give your submissive, I got you covered at domsubliving.com/slash protocols. There's 20 different protocols that you can implement in your dynamic. But that was the second secret to submissive training. It was to know the purpose and why behind the training. And then my third secret is that patience and consistency are key. So consistency is where true growth happens in a dynamic, and patience is what will get you there. And I actually did a whole episode on consistency because it is such a huge topic and such a hard thing for people to implement. So if you search this podcast in consistency, you will find it. But it's good to always remember that when you're doing submissive training, you're not going to see immediate results. But the more consistent you are, the stronger your dynamic will become and the more improvements you will see over time. And I know from experience it can be frustrating as a sub when you don't see those improvements right away. But really, it's those everyday, consistent habits as a sub that really build over time, that really strengthen your role. So just think of these things as small little steps that you're doing over time. And a great way to see motivation and keep you on track is to have some kind of chart. A lot of times, me and my D, when I'm struggling with something in our training, that, you know, we bring out the chart and we start charting the days and trying to get a streak going. And it just really is a visual way to see that I am making progress. But DOMs can get frustrated too when they don't see their sub progressing as quickly as they like. But a submissive still needs your steady hand to help guide you and just remembering that consistency on your part as a Dom, too, can go a long way. But one time I had a student who's a submissive, and they were really struggling to remember protocols. That was kind of um their thing that was really difficult with them. And it really discouraged her, and she just kept thinking, you know, maybe I'm not cut out to be a submissive, but her DOM was really, really patient. And so what I helped them do was just to break down those protocols into different smaller manageable steps, and that really helped them. So then after, you know, a few weeks and then a few months, she was really able to just, you know, knock them out and not stress over them so much. So really being patient, but then taking those small, consistent steps is really how you do it. So that was the third secret to submissive training, patience and consistency. And then the fourth secret to submissive training is learning through mistakes. And this goes for both the Dom and the Sub because we are human. We're going to make mistakes, it's inevitable, but they're also a great learning tool, believe it or not. We don't like to admit it. But being able to grow as a Dom or sub means making different mistakes, failing sometime, sometimes, but also learning from it and growing from it. And again, I know for me personally, when I mess up, I feel like I disappointed my DOM so I know how it can get in that negative head spiral, but just know that mistakes happen and it's a way to learn and recal recalibrate. And you can also ask your DOM for help too. Um, there's so many times with things I'm struggling with, and I just have to bring it to my Dom and let him take over and have him help guide me in that area. So, DOMs, when you see your sub making a mistake, sometimes the same mistake that they did yesterday and the week before that, you don't want to respond in anger or getting overly mad at them. Um, you really need to work with them. And so, yes, punishments are a way to teach and discipline, but the goal of the punishment to really help your sub learn and to grow. So you should always be asking that does this help teach my sub? Does it help them to grow? So think about maybe a mistake you made in your dynamic and how you handled it, and maybe you could have handled it better. And That can be a really good journal prompt for a sub, too, to okay, you made the mistake. Now what do we learn from this? And so again, we just constantly want to be learning from our mistakes and not throw in the towel every time it happens. So those were the four secrets to submissive training. So number one was personalize your training plan for your dynamic. Number two was know the purpose and the goal of the training. Number three is patience and consistency. And number four is learn from your mistakes. And remember, training is a journey, not a destination. When you're both committed to the process, the rewards will be huge. But I love to hear from both DOMs and subs what's one training secret or technique that's helped you grow. So drop it in the comments and let's keep the conversation going. And if you want to become a better submissive or you're a Dom who wants to help their sub improve, remember I have that free how to be a good sub cheat sheet. And you can download it at Domsubliving.com/slash sub. And it includes a list of tips for how to improve in the submissive role and what makes a good sub. So you can download that for free at DomSubliving.comslash sub. But don't forget to hit that subscribe button for more tips on mastering your DS dynamic. And that way you will never miss an episode. Thanks for joining me today, and until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Subliving.