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Do you want to keep your Dom sub connection alive even while you're out in public but worry you might draw attention? I get it, you probably don't want anyone else noticing what's supposed to be private. But here's the thing you can engage in subtle, meaningful, and even kinky ways that are completely under the radar. I'm Alessandra from Dom Sub Living, and today I'm sharing 10 ideas you can use to keep your DS dynamic alive without anyone around you even knowing. Let's dive in. Welcome to the Dom Subliving Podcast. Before I share all of my proven tips and tricks for DS in public, definitely grab my free list of 20 different protocols at DomSubliving.comslash protocols. That way you can see real life examples to help inspire your dynamic. And again, you can download that for free at DomSubliving.comslash protocols. But back to how to be DomSub in public. So for many of us, DS isn't just something we keep behind closed doors. I know for me and my Dom, we are 24-7. So even when we're in public, we're in our dominant and submissive roles. And it's just part of who we are. But of course, we also want to stay private at times and we want to make sure we're obeying the laws and so not doing anything overly kinky out in public. Cause again, you know, BDSM is all about consent. I'm always saying that on this podcast. And so we have to make sure that we're um respecting the consent of those around us. So even in public spaces, because um, especially people like children may even be present. So even though we want to, you know, bring our dynamic out into the real vanilla world, we have to be mindful and kind of read the room too. So that brings me to why I really wanted to make an episode all about this, because I know I'm not the only one who really wants to have my dynamic out in the public and not just something I have to contain to the bedroom. It's something I'm really proud of and I love my identity as a submissive. So I definitely want to be able to express myself at all times. And also there's the kinky side too. Doing something out in the open is kind of that exhibitionist in me that wants to have that thrill. So in this episode, I'll be sharing 10 discrete ideas that work in any setting. So this can be a casual outing to even a family gathering. And I'm even going to share my favorite way at the very end. So definitely stick around. But let's get to the first idea. So the first way you can be DS in public is to have secret hand signals. And so this is just really a subtle way that you and your partner can kind of just have a code for each other. I've seen things like a dominant kind of like scratching by their eye, and that kind of just means like watch it to their submissive. Um, you can even do subtle hand squeezes. So this is something my dom and I do that when we're holding hands in public, we can have just different secret codes for for squeezing our hands together. So different patterns will mean different things. And so no one knows it. We can just be at the dinner table, we can be out with friends, we can be totally out in public and just holding hands, and it looks totally, totally normal, but we're squeezing our hands in a certain pattern, and it means something kinky or just even something sweet too. So that is one way you can do DS in public. Now, the second idea I have for you is to wear something under your clothes. So what you wear, or even what you don't wear, can really help you to remember your role. And there is a ton of ways you can go about this. So, of course, you can do things like plugs. Some of them are even remote controlled, so that's a lot of fun. You can do different kinds of clamps under your clothes, you can even do Shibari rope harnesses. I've done that before. There's chastity devices, benois balls. You can even write sayings on your body in Sharpie and have, you know, all of that under clothing so no one would know. You can even not wear certain things. So going totally commando under your clothes. Um, that's something I've done before. A lot of times, if we're at a party with friends, my dom will whisper in my ear to go to the restroom and take off my panties and give them to him, even so that way he can walk around with them in his pocket. And so it's just something kinky that we both know that I'm not wearing anything, that I just went to the bathroom and took them off, and now they're in his pocket. So no one knows what's going on. But so definitely, you know, think creatively here. But what you wear, or again, what you don't wear under your clothes, can really bring that dynamic out of the bedroom. And then number three is having code words that you can use in conversation. So this is kind of like the hand gestures, but it's just certain words or phrases that can mean different things. Um, and they don't even have to be coded. Um, I use daddy a lot of the time because my dominant is the father of our children. And so it doesn't sound weird or odd when I call him daddy. And so that's just something that we do too. But you can have certain phrases, certain code words so that way when you say them, it it totally means something for your dynamics. And then number four for how you can be dom sub in public is to wear special jewelry. So, you know, of course I wear my collar and no one has really asked me anything about it, other than like, oh, that's a nice necklace. Where'd you get it at? That's kind of the only thing that people really ask me about. Um, and if you are curious where I got it at, you can um get my affiliate link at domsomliving.com/slash eternity. And this is called an eternity collar, and so you can check it out there. But if you're not into necklaces or collars, that's totally fine. There's tons of different other kinds of jewelry you can have. You can have bracelets, anklets, rings, earrings. Um, I've even seen people have keychains, even. So there's just different ways you can go about this, and it's just about having that special meaning that maybe only the two of you know. Um, and so it can just bring more um intention to your dynamic. But I know wearing my collar in public just is a subtle reminder for both me and my Dom when we see it, when I feel it against me, to know that we are still in our Dom sub roles. And then number five is having mealtime rituals. So having roles around mealtime can really represent your dynamic in even a private way, even when you're in a public place, even when you're with family, even you know, around the Thanksgiving dinner table, you can do this, or even at a restaurant too. So if you're at a restaurant, one thing you can do is the the Dom can order the submissive food for them. Um, and you may think, well, that is just kind of weird, or the the server's gonna think something weird, or the people you're with is gonna think something weird. But like I guarantee you, like for a lot of these, you're probably reading more into things than people are even thinking. People are more concerned about what they're doing than than what you're doing. So again, that's just one thing you can do at mealtime is to have the the DOM order for their sub. If you're into something like DDLG or a caregiver little dynamic, another thing you can do is the the caregiver can even cut up the little's food. That's something like super cute. Um if you're at a party or if you're even at home, you the the submissive can serve the dominant their food, you know, get the the plate for them and present it to them. Um, they can refill their glass if it's empty. So there's just different things you can do. And and one thing that actually me and my dom do, whether we're at a restaurant or even at home eating dinner with the kids, is I don't eat until my Dom starts eating, just as a sign of respect. So that's just something that we've always done. So really think about how you can turn something, something as common as eating that we all do, how you can turn that into a DS protocol. And then number six for the sixth idea you can incorporate is to incorporate different body movements and positioning. So this kind of goes along with the hand gestures where no one really picks up what's going on besides you, but having roles around positioning can represent the dynamic and even this private way. So, for example, is when you're in public, so having the submissive walk on the inside of the sidewalk for safety, making sure that the dominant is only always holding the submissive hand. Um, the submissive can even walk slightly behind the dominant. Um, one thing we've even done is when we're at gatherings, and if it's not too awkward, you know, if people are like sitting on couches and on the floor and things like that, that I will sit on the floor and my dom will sit like on a chair or on the couch. So I'm always below him in that way. And then another thing that kind of has to do with how we, you know, move around in spaces is so for us, I can't open the door for myself when my dominant is around. So he opens the car door for me, he opens the door to a building we're going into, um, he even pushes the elevator button. And it's kind of funny because if I forget and I go to grab the handle or whatever, he'll just kind of lightly, playfully slap my hand. So again, if someone saw that, they wouldn't even think anything's weird. They would just think that we're kind of being flirtatious and just being cute in public. And then the seventh way you can be Dom sub in public and not have anyone know is just to send each other texts. You can be right next to someone and be on your phone. I mean, half of us are anyways, and just send a either DS text or even some kind of kinky text. And you can do this out um throughout the day too, to kind of just maintain that dynamic. And it doesn't have to be something elaborate either. Just even a quick, you're a good girl or you're a good boy, or just you know, remember your role. That can really go a long way in keeping the dynamic alive, even when there's other people right next to you. And of course, you can take texting even farther. And I'll just give you a personal story of something that my Dom has done from time to time. If we're at a family gathering or at a party, my Dom will tell me to go to the bathroom and text him a kinky picture of myself and send it to him. And so that's again something I can just go off and do on my own, send him the picture, and he just nonchalantly gets to look at his phone during a party or gathering and get gets to see what I send him. So um that's just something you can incorporate. Um, sometimes too, like if I'm being really um like bratty and public or something like that, he'll send me a quick text and just say, you better watch it. And so I know that I I better quit whatever I'm doing, or when we get home, I'm definitely gonna get a punishment. And then number eight is a gesture or a look. Um, so again, this is kind of like with the hand gesture stuff where no one knows but you, but um something my Dom has done is if we're sitting and at a table, and again, I'm getting kind of bratty because I do that sometimes, he might just give me a quick pinch under the the table on my leg. And that's just again telling me to watch it. Or you can, you know, if the dom you're the dominant, you can put your hand on the back of the submissive's neck, and that can kind of just keep your dynamic. Again, it doesn't look like you're doing anything big, but both of you will know what you're doing and just subtle looks too. I know, you know, DOMs like to kind of just raise their eyebrow and give their submissive a look. And so you can make this your own and do any kind of like hand gesture or thing with your body or just a certain look. Um, and you'll definitely know what's going on, even if no one else does. So number nine, we're almost to number 10, which is my favorite way. But for number nine, decide on the clothes or the makeup or the hair that the submissive will wear um ahead of time wherever you're going. So a lot of times if we're going to an event or a party, my dom will pick out what I wear. And sometimes he'll even just pick out something like my undergarments of what I'm gonna wear, or will tell me not to wear undergarments. So um a lot of times, too, he'll tell me, you know, how he would like my hair to be, or I'll ask him, like, what do you want me to do with my makeup? Um, and so that's a way of just showing that he has control over me and giving him that respect. And then when we're out in public, I know that what I'm wearing, how my hair and makeup is, that that's something my dominant has decided. And so, you know, when someone says to me, Oh, I really like that outfit or your hair looks really cute, then we both kind of know like he had had a hand in that. And so that's just a subtle way to keep our DS dynamic alive when we're in public. Okay, so we've made it to number 10. This is my favorite way to be Dom Sub in public because it kind of makes it a little game. And so this is kind of like a drinking game. If you've ever done a drinking game where you have to, you know, take a shot or a drink whenever something happens, and so this is something that you can do also, but we kind of do it more like keeping a tally of misbehaviors, and so I'll give you an example. So if we're at a dinner party and I'm putting my elbow on the table, so my dom can text me and say that's one. And so one means one spanking when we get home. And so every time I do it is another spanking. And so you can do this with different behaviors. Um every time, you know, I go to grab the car door or, you know, the building door, and and instead of letting my dom do it, that can be another spanking when we get home. But if you have some kind of rule like this and you can pick something um, even really small, like every time the submissive puts their hair behind the ear, it could be one. And the the dominant can just keep track, and that way it just makes the event more fun too. Everybody's thinking about something else and the conversations that they're having, but it just is a cute little way to keep the Dom and sub in the role and make it really fun, and also have those kind of funnishments. So when they get home, there's going to be a bunch of spankings probably happening when they get to be at home. But these 10 ideas offer ways to stay connected and keep your dynamic alive and kinky no matter where you are. And if you need even more real life examples to help inspire you, definitely grab my free list of 20 different protocols at domsubliving.com slash protocols, and I'll put a link for it in the description too. But I really encourage you to try one or two of these ideas we mentioned today, or even come up with your own unique ways to stay connected. And I'd love to hear which of these ideas resonates with you. So definitely leave a comment about what you'd like to try, or if you have a subtle practice of your own that you can share. And if you found these ideas helpful, definitely subscribe for more kinky content like this. And until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sublim.