SPEAKER_00 0:00

Alright, let's be real. Your kinky bucket list is looking a little uninspired, isn't it? You've probably tried the basics, but what about the big, exciting, I never thought I'd do that kind of stuff? Well, I'm Alessandra from Dom Subliving, and today I'm going to help you level up your BDSM goals in ways you didn't even know were possible. Stick around because we're diving into ideas you maybe never considered and tips to bring them to life. Welcome to the Dom Subliving podcast. So, first off, what is a BDSM bucket list? Well, it's it's really just a personalized list of activities, maybe different scenes or experiences you want to try in your life and in your dynamic. It's not about just ticking off a bunch of boxes, it's about growth and fun and building connection. But if you do want to check off some boxes, I've got you covered. I created a free BDSM bucket list bingo card to inspire you in case you don't know where to start. And it's at domsubliving.comslash bingo. And the link is in the description too. So feel free to grab it and see how many squares you can check off. And I know when I first started my BDSM journey, I had a list and it had things like wax play, wanting to have a Dom Sub contract, going to a play party. But as my confidence and my experience grew, so did my list. And I'm sure that'll be the case for you. Now if you're thinking, but what if I don't have a partner? Or what if they're not even on board with you know setting goals and working through those? Don't worry, we're going to be covering all that. But just remember that a bucket list or a list of goals is just something to help you explore, even on your own, even if you don't have a partner, this will help you spark ideas so you can try them in your dynamic. So I really want you to think about what's something you've always thought about doing, but haven't even dared to maybe put on your list of things you want to do. So that can help to keep your creative juices flowing too. So now that we talked about what a BDSM bucket list even is, so now let's go into why you need a list of goals, why you need this bucket list. So we're going to talk about three reasons. And the first reason is growth. So having a list of goals or a kinky bucket list kind of just pushes you to step out of your comfort zone because maybe you've always wanted to explore something like role play, but you kind of felt a little bit too shy. So having this list of goals can really help you to grow. And then the second reason why you need one is for connection, because having a shared list or shared goals with your partner can really strengthen your dynamic. And me and my DOM have seen this too. So when we plan a scene together or we have certain other goals, it really just helps us to communicate, stay on the same page, have something to look forward to. So it can really help to strengthen your connection. And then the third reason is fun. BDSM is supposed to be fun. And I think we forget that sometimes. We try to be so serious and you know in the zone. But BDSM and kink can and should be playful. So think of other goals like maybe attending a kinky costume party or designing a scene around a favorite movie. So you can really think out of the box and have a lot of fun in your dynamic. So one thing that me and my Dom did that kind of encapsulated all three of those things: growth and connection and fun, is we wanted to have a weekend of total power exchange, TPE, you know, just 24-7 protocols. And so we it gave us something to look forward to. We got to plan it. Um, and it was just so much fun. And it brought us together closer than we had ever been because we had this long weekend where we can just focus on this total power exchange, going all in on everything. And we got a hotel room, and it was just so much fun to just be able to shut out the outside world and just really focus on ourselves and our dynamic and just living in the moment. So think about what's one reason you want to create a BDSM bucket list. It could be for one of those three reasons, or it could be for something different, but having goals with you and your partner can just be so beneficial. So we talked about why you need a list of BDSM goals for your journey. So now let's go into some fun creative ideas that maybe you can add to your BDSM bucket list. And I'm going to list these in order of beginner, intermediate, and advanced. So there's something for everyone here. So some beginner ideas if you haven't tried any of these already. Um, some examples are temperature play. So trying things like ice cubes or warm oils, um, experimenting with sensory deprivation, so like using a blindfold or headphones. Um, and then attending a kink demo or a workshop can be really beneficial too, especially when you're a beginner, because it's a great way to learn and meet like-minded people. And I'll never forget my first wax play session. I was completely nervous, but the mix of heat and trust in my partner just really made it an unforgettable experience. And we also ruined our carpet, but that's another story. But so, in an inadvertent way, we were at able to add some fun to it that we are still able to talk about to this day. So, in all of these examples, um, if you're not sure where to start, start with the ones that really get you thinking, like, ooh, maybe I could try that. Like, which ones are really sparking your sense of curiosity or your enthusiasm? So, really start with those. But um now I'll go into some intermediate ideas to get you started. So, my first example would be to host a specific themed scene night. So, a lot of times in the beginning, you may be doing the same type of scenes, but maybe now start branching into other types of role play. Um, they can be small, even things like age play, like DDLG, they can be pet play, even, or you can get super creative into role play and do things like spy missions, like good cop, bad cop type of thing, or even just medieval power dynamics, um, whatever floats your boat, the the sky's the limit, but start trying to go beyond just the the normal scenes that you're doing. Um, and then start creating meaningful rituals that really reinforce your dynamic. So, this can be something simple like a morning protocol or even an evening check-in too. So um, there's so many ideas out there for protocols. You can even get our list. It's dumpsobliving.com/slash protocols. But another thing you can do if you're intermediate is upgrade your play space. So start buying new gear, something like maybe a spanking bench or custom cuff. So, like really treat yourself here. And then if you are advanced, you can start exploring things like edge play, like fire play or breath control. Um, obviously, remember safety first, of course. You can do what I mentioned and plan a full weekend of 24-7 TPE protocols and have different tasks and rewards in relation to that too. You can take a BDSM vacation to a kink-friendly resort or dungeon. You can travel. So there's so much you can do when you are an advanced player. And I know some of these might sound intense, but remember you don't have to dive in head first. So start small and build up. And if you are advanced and you kind of are running into the problem that me and my Dom are now into, where we've pretty much done everything and we just feel like there's not a whole lot left for us to try. So start thinking of things that maybe scare you, you know, in a good way, or you know, just really excite you at that same time and just think of what those things would look like. Even, you know, if they are a hard limit, maybe you start researching more about it or finding other ways to go about it. Um, and you can just keep your dynamic new and fresh. But I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that you may have a partner who's not on board with creating goals and trying new things and having this kinky bucket list. So, what can you do if you have a partner that really isn't into your ideas either? Maybe you come to them with your list and they're just not really feeling it. So the solution is to always start with a conversation. So share your list and ask them what excites them because you might find common ground. And if you are single, remember your list doesn't have to rely on a partner. So focus on self-discovery, like attend events, learn new skills, experiment solo. There's so much you can do even if you don't have a partner. And then another thing I see that happens sometimes is people feel like they fail, like they they set all these goals, especially in the new year, and maybe they don't meet them, or they use my kinky bingo card and they realize they're only crossed off one or two things for the whole year. So what do you do then? Well, just remember that failure is a part of learning. There's so many goals that me and my Dave had that we didn't always meet the the first time or the second time around. So we've also had scenes go sideways, and guess what? We're still here, we're still okay. Um, so just always use it as a chance to grow. So, really, whether you have a partner or you don't have a partner, um, don't let any of those things hold you back from taking that first step. But now that you have this list of goals, this kinky bucket list, let's talk about how to turn those things into a reality. So I'm gonna share four steps. So the first step is to reflect. So I don't want you to get overwhelmed here. So really just write down your top three ideas, um, maybe things that are really exciting to you from this episode and start with that and write them down. And then step two is to communicate. Um, so talk to your partner, or if you don't have a partner, talk to a trusted friend in the community because collaboration just makes it so much more fun. And also you'll have that accountability too. A lot of times my members in the All Access Pass will tell me they have a certain goal, like um going to a dungeon or doing a certain type of scene, and I will let them know like, okay, I'm gonna follow up with you next month and see how it played out. So, communication, again, whether with a partner or with a friend, is so valuable. And then step three for making your goals happen is to really just educate yourself on these things. So if you have a goal for something like wax play, take a class on it, watch tutorials or download resources to learn the skills you need. So, whatever it is that is your goal on your bucket list, really take the time to educate yourself on it. And then step four is probably the most important step, and that is to actually take action. You have to do the thing. So you had those three ideas in the beginning. So just take one from your list and schedule it. So if it's going to a dungeon, actually schedule it in your calendar because action beats overthinking every time. So think about how you're going to actually put this in place with actionable steps. And if you're ready to dive deeper, my all access pass can help you plan and execute your bucket list goals with confidence. So you can check it out at domsubliving.comslash all access. I'll put a link for it in the description too. But I would love to know what's on your BDSM bucket list. Drop it in the comments and I'd love to hear your ideas. And if you need more inspiration, download the free BDSM bucket list bingo card at domsubliving.com slash bingo, and there's a link for it too in the description. And again, if you're ready to turn those dreams into reality, check out my All Access Pass. But your BDSM journey is uniquely yours. So a list of goals isn't about perfection, it's about adventure, connection, and fun. So what's the first step you're going to take today? Let me know in the comments. And until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom's of Living.