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I'm in a total power exchange relationship, and it's not roleplay. It's not something we do for a few hours a night or just on weekends. This is how we live every single day. I'm Alexandra from Dom Sublime, and if you've ever wondered what TPE actually looks like, you're about to find out. Welcome to the Dom Sublime podcast. Here's the thing: when people hear I live a 24-7 total power exchange dynamic, they either think I'm brainwashed or that I spend my day crawling around in latex and heels. But spoiler alert, I'm usually in yoga pants doing laundry, but still wearing my collar. So let's clear up what TPE really is. A total power exchange means my dominant has full authority. Always. But what that looks like on a normal Tuesday, it's probably not what you're picturing. That's why today I'm taking you behind the scenes. You'll see how we structure our dynamic, what a real day looks like, how we navigate mess ups, because yes, we have plenty of those, and the one rule we both secretly hate, but still keep anyway. So let's get into it. So why did we even choose total power exchange? Well, I didn't wake up one day and say, you know what sounds fun, just giving someone else complete control over my entire life. No, I was actually fiercely independent, um, hyper-organized, the kind of person who makes color-coded meal plans for fun. Like, seriously, I do have a color-coded index cards for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack. So I'm that type of person. But even with all that self-structure, I was unfulfilled. I didn't feel good enough and I didn't feel needed. And when me and my husband started exploring the Dom sub lifestyle, I thought I could just kind of play submissive in scenes and have the kink aspects of it. And things were pretty freaking kinky, but something was still missing. He was the one who kind of said it first. He just kind of said, Well, what if we didn't turn it off? What if we just kept being Dom Sub outside the bedroom in all aspects of our lives? And I kind of panicked because what would people think of me? Um, I am a strong feminist. Um, so what does something like that say about me? Would I disappear in this role? Would I become just a tool for someone else's pleasure and an object? And and then it hit me. What I was scared of wasn't losing myself. What I was scared of was finally admitting to what I wanted and being seen and getting what I wanted and needed and secretly craved. And once I realized um rules and rituals and protocols weren't just about control, that they were about care, something in me just really clicked and I leaned into it. Because have you ever secretly craved someone else taking the reins just so you could finally breathe and exhale? Or if you're like my dom, do you want that complete power over someone else so you can ultimately exercise control in all things in your life? But wanting it isn't enough. You need structure, you need consistency, you need trust. And building that took a lot more than a few sexy titles and a collar and cute kneeling. So let me show you how we set it up because it wasn't what we expected, and there was a lot of bumps along the way, and I don't want you to make those same mistakes. So, this is how we structure our total power exchange relationship. Now, contrary to popular belief, we don't have a spreadsheet tracking my every move, but we do have rules about things like how I text my dom. So let me walk you through what our structure actually looks like. So, first, our our morning routine. So every morning before I do anything else, I text my dom if he's working and outside the house, and I let him know I'm up and out of bed. And I kneel at the side of the bed. I have a submissive mantra that I say out loud to myself. It's my reminder. I say, I am a strong, obedient, submissive. This is who I am, this is what I choose. And then I do meditation and journaling, usually based on a prompt my Dom has given me. And then after that, I have permission to begin the rest of my day. I have matcha, I have my breakfast, I exercise, and I do all my other tasks that I do throughout the day. And then we have daily protocols. We use our iPhones for a lot of this, and we have different apps that we use. Um, but he gives me like one to three specific tasks each day outside of our normal protocols, but no more than like three extra. So it could be something like wear your Benoit balls for a certain period of time, or color me a picture if one of us has been feeling, you know, the pull of our daddy dom little girl roles. Um, it could be something like organize a section of a room. Just the other day, I had to do our our toy chest and clean that out and organize that. But the point is it's simple tasks and it's direct and not something like, well, I was thinking that if you had time and you got around to it. No, it's you know clear and direct. And it just really keeps the dynamic active without taking over our lives. And like I said, we also have an app where he tracks my to-dos and gives me feedback. You can find all of those resources for things in our courses, but it's basically a kinky DS-powered digital iCloud system that we use. And then we have a lot of feedback rituals. So every night I give him a quick check-in. I tell him what I did well, what I struggled with, what I need for tomorrow. Um, it's not a punishment session, it's more like a rundown. And it just really reminds us that this isn't about perfection, it's about being present and being mindful and doing my best. Now there was a week I forgot my evening kneeling ritual three days in a row, and I did get a punishment spanking for that. But there are other times maybe I'm going through a hard time, maybe I'm sick and I get sick a lot. Um, times I don't get out of bed on time. And when something like that happens, I I feel really ashamed. But instead of punishing me, my dom will just kind of sit me down and say, like, what's going on? And how can I better empower you so you can be a good sub? And sometimes he'll say, Um, you know, if this ritual isn't serving us or you anymore, we need to shift it. And we've had to do that a couple times with some protocols. Um, there were times where I had to lay out my undergarments every day for his approval, and that was just taking too much time. Other times where I had to text him before I started eating, and so now we have it where I do just text him when I can. That way I'm not, you know, so chaotic and rushing throughout the day. So there's no right or wrong way to do any of this as long as it's consensual. So think about what would your ideal structure look like if nothing was off limits and you can kind of go from there. But structure is the easy part. What about the days I don't feel submissive or when he doesn't feel like leading? So let's talk about that. Because sometimes I'm in a mood, or sometimes he's tired, and sometimes we just flat out forget we had a protocol that we both wanted to do. Um, that's life. Then there's also vacations and illnesses, arguments, even. Um, yeah, we have those too. A lot of people think we don't, but we've had all those things. There was a week where we were both burned out. Both the kids had been home sick, and we didn't do a lot of our rituals. Um, there wasn't a lot of commands going on. We didn't even do our weekly maintenance bankings for me. Um, we didn't have a scene. It was just pretty much just Netflix and ordering takeout. And by the end of that week, we felt off. It felt like we'd lost our connection, but didn't really know at the time how to find it again. Um, so that's when we started using what we now call the the reset ritual. So for us, it's a a really simple act. He will take me in the bedroom, he will have me kneel, and he will put on my my play collar. So my play collar is a bigger collar than this, it's thicker, um, it has an o-ring, and it's just more restrictive. And so he'll put that on me in silence. There's no talking, no words, no expectations. Um, it's just us connecting and having that contact. And every time we do it, something shifts. Um, I remember in that moment who I am in this dynamic, and so does he. Because what do you do when the power exchange starts slipping? Um, we tried in the past to just kind of wait until it feels right again, but the truth is it never really feels right until you choose it again. So having that reset ritual where he just is, you know, as soon as he's noticing we're kind of slipping, you know, just puts that play color on me. You know, we don't have to have a scene, but just him doing it and me feeling it and kneeling just puts us right back on track. But now I'm going to share some of the small rituals that really just keep us connected. So things you can do too. Um, because sometimes the most powerful moments in our day happen when no one's watching. They don't even feel or look kinky. Um, things like sitting at my dom's feet while we watch a show, or you know, me texting him, may I leave the house now? So asking for permission before, you know, I go run an errand, um, or putting out his breakfast for the morning and leaving him a kinky cute note. Those aren't about service, you know, they're they're more about connection. Um, and he also has this phrase he uses when he wants me to kind of just drop into that subspace mindset and it it always works. And he'll just look at me and say, be still, and that's it. And my whole body just really relaxes. But I'll I'll share a personal story of a small ritual we do. Um, so he wanted me to work on how I talk and to be respectful. I mean, can you believe that? That sometimes I can be kind of bratty. But so he wanted me to start asking for permission to speak freely. So the first time I did that and I said, you know, may I have permission to speak freely and did that outside of a scene, um, I got really emotional. Um, it wasn't because I was afraid of him, but it was because I felt safe, um, safe enough to ask that type of question, safe enough to be held. Um, and I knew because I had asked it in that way, instead of just nagging and being bratty, that he was actually going to listen and hold space for me because he was in a better mindset. So, what's one act of submission or dominance that that doesn't look kinky but still hits really deep for you? And we also do other things in our total power exchange, like um even when we're out in public, I don't start eating until he starts eating. Um, he opens doors for me. Um, even when I get in the car, you know, I can't touch the door handle, he has to open it for me. Um, so just little things like that, and just constantly asking for permission. So all of these little protocols and rituals, they really just hold us together, but they only work because of one hard-earned lesson we had to learn. And trust me, we we learned it the hard way. So I'm going to share some mistakes we made and what we learned. Um, and one of them, I it almost caused me to walk away. Um, not from the lifestyle, but from our version of it. There was a point where the power balance we had started to slip, and I got a little too obedient. And I know that sounds weird, um, but I started hiding how I really felt and just went through the motions. And that's when it really broke down because true TPE isn't about blind obedience, it's about honest obedience and real obedience. So we had to renegotiate everything. We added a protocol for emotional check-ins every week. We created um safe words outside of scenes to so that we can pause conversations without breaking the dynamic. And he just told me, I I want your submission, but not at the cost of your voice. Um, we all mess up in this lifestyle, but what matters is how we show up after. So think about what you would need to hear to feel safe again if something like that happened. But if you're in a dynamic or you're trying to build one and you're wondering, am I doing this right? I get it. That's why I created something called the Power Exchange Blueprint. It's a step-by-step course to help you build the kind of structure and connection that we just talked about. You can check it out in the description because living in a total power exchange isn't just about roles, it's about rhythm, the the rhythm of trust, the rhythm of surrender, the the rhythm of knowing that you are not alone in this. So, what's your rhythm? What's your reason for doing this? So, drop a comment and tell me what's one daily ritual you want in your dynamic or one thing you're still struggling with. Let's normalize talking about it. And if you found this helpful, please subscribe and share it with someone exploring this lifestyle. And until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Subliving.