SPEAKER_00 0:00

Do you ever wish you can just say what turns you on without shame, or even better, build a whole life around it? Well, that's what I got to unpack with Amy Vorpol. She's an actress, a comedian, and she hosted a super fun summit last year that I got to be a guest on. So I'm going to share the interview we did. Amy is hilarious. She's super thoughtful and just totally fearless. So go check her out at amivorpool.com. I'll have a link for it in the description. But enjoy our conversation. You're gonna love this one. Welcome to the Dom Sub Living podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

The first question I'm asking everyone is in what ways are you horny on Maine?

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Oh my gosh, so many ways. And I'm slowly getting more and more better at it, but just trying to be myself and unapologetic, making no excuses, making no apologies. But yeah, in my personal life, that means just nonchalantly dropping what I do, even on my main accounts. And wherever you know I go, I I tell my you know friends and family, like, oh, I went to this dungeon this weekend. But yeah, and then even in my business life, I really don't hide what my business is or what my niche is. So just living horny on main.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

All right. Yeah, the real deal. I was gonna ask, like, do you do you tell your parents? Is do you tell your parents what you do?

SPEAKER_00 1:32

I I kind of tease it a little bit. I do think my mom knows. I think um I've told her that I run a relationship business, a relationship account, but that, you know, it's been featured in Cosmo and Instile. And so she's proud of me. But I think she knows like it's it must be a sex thing because she's not telling me every single detail. So I'm kind of going at her pace as to what she asked, and that's what I share. But yeah, a lot of my other friends, I'm just totally open with it.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

That's amazing. Yeah, even hosting the summit, it has been very freeing for me in the in the friend circles and with my mom as well. Um, so I I I can I I can kind of relate on some level. So, first of all, for those who don't know, what what is kink? How are you defining kink?

SPEAKER_00 2:27

So, kink is just basically anything that is not mainstream. And so usually we're talking about sex, but kink is really just anything that's not like vanilla, it's just like the opposite of vanilla. So it's like this huge umbrella term that can encompass things like um BDSM and bondage and even polyamory and things like that, but it's just kind of these taboo things that people don't tend to talk about it. But I bet a lot of people are practicing kink and they just don't even know it and want to admit it.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Yes, I agree with that. And so are you specifically in the category of DOM sub-kink? Um, can you talk a little bit about that, about what that entails?

SPEAKER_00 3:14

Yeah, so um for being a dominant or submissive means just basically being the dominant or submissive one in a relationship or in a power exchange. So this doesn't even have to be in a relationship, it can just be during scenes, even like strangers you meet at play parties and just having fun. So it's just that power exchange where one partner is like the top and kind of taking the lead, and the other one is the bottom. And so what I do is so personally I'm a I'm a submissive and I have a dominant. And so, but for work, I teach other people how to make BDSM like an actual lifestyle and have these like really meaningful dom sub relationships.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Awesome. I want to back up for a second because you said play parties and you said scenes. And so I mean, I'm coming from this as quite a bit of a neophyte here. So will you what what would a play party entail? And then, and then I think I can, you know, do the math and tell you what a scene is, but I want to hear from you.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

So a play party is kind of more of like again, like the umbrella term, you know, sex can usually be happening or just play in general, like maybe spanking and paddling. Um, it's just where you know, a group of people get together and they just want to play, whatever kind of play that involves. It doesn't have to necessarily mean like swapping partners, although that can happen, but it's just a chance to be with like-minded people and play around other people, have people either, you know, watching you or you're watching other people. And then for a scene, a scene is actually more formal. Um, and it can happen just like one-on-one, or you can have a group scene, or people can watch your scene, but scenes are in BDSM like they have like a beginning, middle, and end. And so it's a way to explore that power exchange in a defined space and time, and bring all you know the toys and gears that you want to have or or not have and just explore it that way.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Amazing. So you you are talking about this as it can be very uh, for lack of a better term, tame um uh on that side of the spectrum. Will you go on the other other side of the spectrum and define like how intense it could get?

SPEAKER_00 5:57

It can get um well, so yeah, it it can get extremely intense where we're talking things like consensual non-consent, like things like rape play, even um doing um like really um what do you like um extreme kinks that can be very risky and dangerous, things like fire play and all that. But then there's the whole other end of the spectrum, you know, because we don't want to scare people either. No, no, this is supposed to be fun, you know. You know, BDSM and kink, you know, it's supposed to be fun. So, you know, you never want to think like, oh, I have to get into that. You know, BDSM and Dom sub dynamics, it's really just that power play, you know, of one person being a top, one person being a bottom. So it can even manifest itself in even just like maybe holding your partner down during sex or using a blindfold, um, things like that. So it definitely doesn't have to go to that huge extreme. It can be, you know, something really, really light.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

You, you thank you for that. That's amazing. Fire play. I've never heard of that. Um, wow. Uh so the other thing I I picked up on is that you said it you coach it being a lifestyle. And so how does that look? Because it it reminds me of the way people talk about diets, where it's like, I'm gonna be like really hard and intense on this diet, but but that's not gonna last. Like I want it to like extend further. So, what what is that what does that metaphor look like with Domin Sub kink? Like, how how do you make something like that a lifestyle? Do you embody it? Is it an energy? Are you like playing a character, but it's you or I yeah, can you explain?

SPEAKER_00 7:46

No, that's a that's a good, I'm glad you you caught up on that because so it kind of can go both ways. So it is like you said, making it like your identity, something that you embody and do. And so you know, so if you're a dominant, you know, that's something, a role you take really seriously. You try to embody that and become more dominant even outside the bedroom. And the same with submissives, um, you know, trying to have that that servient attitude outside the bedroom, but then also making it a lifestyle, meaning you take the kink outside of the bedroom and make it part of like your 24-7 dynamic. And so this can have lots of different forms. So, like, for instance, like me and my partner were 24-7 dom. And so, even outside the bedroom, um, you know, I will refer to him as his titles, like, you know, daddy or sir, and you know, be very um serving of him. Um, and you know, we have our little, you know, little things and little rituals, like I wear my my collar like all the time. But for like people on the outside, they don't really know what's going on, they don't pick up on it. But so um, so that's kind of what I mean when you make it a lifestyle that it becomes your identity, but then you can also take it out of the bedroom and enjoy that dynamic, you know, even in the everyday stuff.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

That's amazing. I I had some people uh when I was asked, I was like, oh, I'm gonna interview Alessandra. They had they had a question of like, what are your kinks? And I'm we're getting a little taste of it, but do you have anything specific that is you know true to you?

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Um yeah, so I'm definitely into age play, which is like embodying more of like a younger dynamic. And and that's why, you know, I call my partner daddy. And so that's the DDLD is is like daddy dom little girl dynamic. So um I'm really into that. Um, and also like I'd already mentioned consensual non-consent. So, and that's kind of I kind of frame it as like I like it even when I don't like it, and I want it even when I don't want it type of thing. Um, but I am a sucker for pain. I am a huge masochist. So, like all things pain, I'm all into that. Um, I love that you're giggling about this.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

This is like it is, I mean, but seriously, like it is about pleasure, right? Like this whole thing, it's like we're treating it very lighthearted because it is uh it is light, like it is your what you wish, you know, it is your your desire. So you're like, yeah, I love pain, haha.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

But it's dichotomous a little bit with the with the Yeah, and and that's what's so neat about opportunities like this where we can talk about it because we don't we don't really get to talk about these things in society. It's very hush hush, and but a lot of people are doing it. So it's like bizarre that you know, so many people are doing it, but like no one can talk about it. It's like such a secret. So um, yeah, those are some of my kinks. Like I said, I love pain, you know, degrad degradation, and and it's all consensual, you know. So even though it, you know, like you said, we're talking now about pain and it's like all these negative things, but you know, it's enjoyable, and it's enjoyable for my partner who on the flip side likes to inflict pain. And, you know, so we're both getting what we need out of it.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Gosh, that's amazing. That's so cool. God, I love hearing about that. Um, I I also the I I feel, and correct me if I'm wrong, but maybe it's just in my in my you know, little bubble here in Los Angeles. I feel like this whole Dom kink, uh Dom sub kink or anything like that, it's getting more zeitgeisty, or people are pushing the limits. Like you said, a lot of people don't talk about it as much, same as finances. Uh weirdly enough, I'm drawing that line, but uh, but it does feel like it's getting more zeitgeisty. Is that is that true, or am I just perceiving that and that's the life I'm living?

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Well, I think so. 50 Shades of Grey, the movie, the books, made it more mainstream and out in the open, like like talking about like my mom, like my mom has read the books, and so she knows what things like you know, a BDSM contract is and safe words and limits. So it's becoming more of you know the everyday language. People know these things. And so I think what happens is when you kind of have your almost like your your hobby or this special thing that was just special to you, and kind of like people take it over, then it it feels not cool anymore. Like you're not the good, you're not the cool kid anymore. And so it's like everybody's doing it now. So then that's when I think then it's like we try to find like a new way to make it more unique and make it ours. And so that involves pushing the boundaries even more and just finding, you know, different ways to, you know, to be. So it's not just like you know, the mainstream anymore.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Yeah, you were the OG. You were you were you were into key before it was cool. Yeah, on the Two Shades of Grey situation, I just have to tell you, there was I did see the movie, and there was this one line that stuck out to me where she she's like signing the contract of like what she's consenting to. And um, and she goes, I okay, I'm down with clamps, but what's a butt plug? And that always, I was like, wait, wait, wait, no, because a butt plug is self-explanatory, like the math is done for you, even if you don't know what it is, like you like your your best guess is going to be correct. And then, but a clamp, I was like, but she knows what clamps are, and that's I think more esoteric. And I just have always like it's always stuck like where where the clamps go? Why? Why are we clamping things? Um, to me, I was like, that that line is backwards. I don't know why I had to tell you that, but that's a thing in the movie. And I can be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Yeah, so things, things like butt plugs people are talking about now because of that movie. And and yeah, you would think that was self-explanatory, but okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

I'm glad I think I told you just because I wanted your validation that that was a silly line and it pinged me as like, hey, one of these things is very, very exactly what it sounds like. Okay. Um, I okay, this is a curiosity for me versus, and then some some of the audience, some of my audience had this question too. How do you determine like where you fall on the spectrum of dom and sub? And like if you don't know, but you're curious, like, is it I guess, I guess like anything else, like when you choose a noun that is your identity, it feels like it's permanent and that you have to be this forever and then go all the way and be very deep on it. But is there a way to figure it out or or experiment and then choose?

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Yeah. And it's like I tell people like, don't overthink it. It's it's not set, I know, it's not set in stone. And you probably do have some kind of idea where you're leaning. Like I said, we we we've already, you know, even if you're vanilla and you're having sex, there's already, you know, the roles of like top and bottom where someone kind of takes the lead and someone's kind of already in the submissive role. So you kind of already know how you like that. And it could be you like both. And so in that case, it would be like you'd be called like what's a switch, is you know, that's what we call it. But I just tell people don't like overthink that you have to put yourself in this box. Just really explore the different roles, experiment with the different kinks, learn about them, research them, and you'll find different things that resonate with you and that you're drawn to. But um it again, like I always say, this is supposed to be, you know, fun. So no one's gonna kind, you know, the BDSM police aren't gonna knock down your door and say, like, let me see, you know, your your degree that you are a submissive and you know, you have this many years of experience, and you know, and and and it says here that you you switch, what you know, you're not allowed to do that. You know, it's like there's no BDSM police. So it's all about just having fun and you know, exploration. And the more you explore and research, you know, you're you'll naturally kind of be drawn to the role that you like.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Amazing. Great. I I while you were talking, I was thinking, um, like where so a client comes to you, where do you have them start? Like, is there an intake form? Do you determine on the go? Are you walking them through? It also, sorry, I'm gonna piece this in here too. It sounds like improv. Um it sounds like improv or structured improv. Almost like I play Dungeons and Dragons, and a lot of the audience does too. So there's structure in that, and you're also playing a character on some level. Correct me if I'm wrong. And then also answer the question about where do you start.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Some of it is role-playing, you know, and that and that is part of it. I think, you know, when we were talking about more like lifestyle, that's when it's becomes more of like just who you are. But there is definitely role-playing, like, you know, the whole boss and secretary dynamic or you know, a master and a slave dynamic and things like that. But um, if someone, you know, comes to me and they're just like totally like, I don't know what I am, what I like, you know, I will usually, you know, ask them like, well, what have what have your relationships been like in the past? You know, what are some things that, you know, in the bedroom that you liked in the past? Like, what are some fantasies that you have? You know, a lot of time our fantasies can be very telling of, you know, what we really want in life and in bedroom. But um, yeah, just like we have like lists that like, you know, different kinks. And so, you know, we encourage people to go through the the different lists of kinks and you know, write down like, uh, no, I'm not into that at all. You know, kind of like the Fifty Shades of Grey thing, you know, where you go down, you know, are you into butt plugs? Are you into clamps? You know, and it's like some of it may be like, well, I don't know, I've never experienced that. And so it's like, well, then would you be open to experiencing it? And kind of just going down the list, and you know, lots of also journaling about just what do you want out of a relationship? What do you want out of a your partner? You know, what kind of role are you hoping that they will take? But um, yeah, definitely like the more people get into it, the more they're exposed to it, you know, over time they do kind of find their footing.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Oh my that's so cool. Do you do people who come to you that do they need to have like a partner who will go, you know, play with them? Or do you it provide that on? I guess it wouldn't be necessarily in person, but actually, yeah, how how does that work? How does your coaching work?

SPEAKER_00 19:38

So it's like half and half. So um about half the people that come to me, they already have a partner. And so, and then with that, either one of two things they just want to like improve their relationship, improve their dynamic, improve their scenes, or they have a partner that, you know, there's maybe some resentment and they're wishing their partner would kind of do more. And so I kind of work with them on that and how to like encourage their partner to get more involved. And then there's the other half of people that are like basically single. And so they you can do BDSM by yourself. You can do like there's even like self-bondage ties and things like that. But I think to really enjoy it, you do need a partner, even if it's not a long-term partner, even if it's just a partner for scenes. And so um, I do coach on like how how do you find kinky people in the world? You know, we don't have a sign that says, you know, we're kinky. How do you find kinky people? How do you find them on the dating apps? You know, which are the best dating apps to find people, you know, how do you find dungeons in your area and play parties and things like that? So um, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:50

So you've got you, you handle that. That's part of your coaching too, is like how to extra, I guess, extrovert that.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Yeah, yeah. So um, yeah, just definitely meeting people where they're at and what they need. And and that's kind of why I love what I do because every, you know, student and client is different. They have their own issue that they're struggling with, their own thing they're trying to overcome. And they, you know, there's not a whole lot of places that they can go for things like this, you know. So I love that I can, you know, offer a way to make it less taboo so people, you know, can be who they want to be and you know, make it easy for them. And sometimes, you know, within our community and within our courses, sometimes people who are singled they end up meeting another student and you know, turns out they're in the same area or whatever. And so oh my god. So I have played matchmaker in that yeah, I have played matchmaker in that way before.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

So that's so cute. Okay, awesome. If uh okay, yeah, that is so so. Helpful because yeah, I was imagining what that could be like. But you you so you run the gamut, advanced all the way beginner. Like you're just yeah, you help them all. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Yeah. Just trying to meet people where they're at. Because a lot of times when when people are more advanced, it's almost it's it's very interesting. Like what they need help with is usually not like no one ever comes to me and says, like, I need to learn how to do like this intricate bondage tie, or I really need to learn like the mechanics of it. Yeah. It's like it's they just like, you know, they think, uh, I don't have a lot of confidence during scenes and I'm not sure, you know, how to build my confidence. You know, can you help me with that? Or, you know, I I have a partner and they're kind of vanilla and I want to introduce Kink to them. And, you know, and even a lot of the the veterans who are really masters in their skills, you know, they're struggling with, you know, their own mindset issues too, and things like that. And and you know, trying to navigate that and just stay active in the BDSM community. And um, yeah, so it's just it's neat meeting so many different diverse people.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

Do you have any stories of client breakthroughs that you feel comfortable sharing or any specific like instances where you were like, wow, this was, I don't know, any version of interesting?

SPEAKER_00 24:59

Yeah. So like the biggest one, like I'm like the most proud of. I had a couple that they were like on the brink of divorce. Like they had tried everything, count uh couples counseling, you know, years of therapy, and just nothing was working. And they both knew that they were kinky and wanting more in the bedroom, but it was just like they were bunting heads like all the time, couldn't, you know, figure out like how to make it work, the logistics of it. And there was just so much resentment built up in this marriage. And so they had came to me and we kind of like developed like, well, what could like an actual like system almost look like where you're you know doing scenes on the weekend, you're afterwards talking about these scenes and what you would like better, and you know, what would uh you know the roles look like if there was no resentment, and how can we work towards those roles? And you know, how can we incorporate, you know, SM and and you know, pain play and all that, because pain is such a great way to like get out your frustrations, you know, both for the person receiving it and the person giving it, you know, it's a great way to, you know, handle conflicts sometimes in a in a in a marriage or in a relationship when it has those boundaries. And so, you know, with time, they were really able to get to a good place. And they were just like, you know, we can't believe we went from like this is our last straw, you know, this is if this doesn't work, then we're calling it quits to like, wow, this is the best our relationship has ever been. And so that one always makes my heart, you know, happy. But um, that's incredible. I know, but just stories of people saying, like, I never have been able to talk about this stuff with other people, and to be able to find like a community, a group of people who we can just talk openly about these things is just you know, so life-changing, you know, and it goes back to you know, what you're doing is just you know not caring what people think anymore.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

I still care what people think, yeah. But I'm doing it, I'm doing it regardless, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

Yeah, yeah. But like, but knowing like that you're still gonna be okay, you know, and that you're you're happy. And you know, for some people who have never gotten to experience that, have never gotten to experience like being their truest self, you know, that's just such a beautiful thing to witness and have a part of.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

Gosh, yeah, you are truly of service. Like that is that is what you're you're about. I totally get it. Like, like seeing it through your lens is actually is is, I mean, objectively, you're like dom sub kink coach. Wow, like that, wow, like that's a lot. And then, and then you just sink in and you're like, dang, no, but this is um, it's authenticity. You're just coaching authenticity. Uh, and like you said, confidence too. So it actually is really healthy and another the way I'm seeing it is like another form of therapy. Just like, this is who I am, how do I do it safely?

SPEAKER_00 28:25

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And there is, you know, skills that I teach, and you know, things like you know, the pain play and how to do it safe safely, because you do need to be safe, you know. You know, first and foremost, you have to be safe. So, you know, when you're using things like, you know, floggers and all the other things, it's like there's a way to do it safely. So I do teach that, you know. But um, but once you got kind of like the foundation, you know, it really is just like having to conquer your mindset issues that comes into play.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

Oh, that's so cool. Um now I've heard now, I know actually I've heard of it. I have a friend who is a professional, she's a DOM. Can you talk about that? Like creating so there is, you know, relation relational, I guess, um, with your partner, but then there's also a whole community where this is also your career. And people, like you said, single people, they might well, maybe not even single people, just people might pay to have that service. What what is that like? Would you coach? Do you coach those people too?

SPEAKER_00 29:28

Like personally, yeah, because um, and I have actually lots of friends who do that kind of work, and I've been able to direct my students that want it to to them because BDSM is so like beneficial in so many ways, like, you know, psychologically, you know, if you're you know, the submissive, then you're able to to really just let go. It's there's a lot of you know, mindfulness, you're in your body, you know, you're you're focusing on serving the other person and obeying the other person, you're you know, focusing on, you know, the pain and things like that. It's just like almost like a spiritual experience type of thing. Um, and just you know, a lot of psychological benefits, you know, that psychologists are finally starting to understand. So it would make sense now that we have providers that can offer that as a service. So if you want to see uh uh you know a dominatrix or you know, a male DOM, even that you can go and do that. And it is just, you know, uh in a scene context, although some of them do like outside the bedroom stuff where you can go on dates and things like that. And it's all that like that power exchange. Um, and just it's just like any other business. So, you know, money is exchanged. Um sex is usually not involved, although like I can't speak for every dominatrix, you know, some some do sex work with this, but um, usually there there isn't that it's just you know, a lot of times I know this is like really stereotypical, but like a lot of times when people are in like powerful positions with work, or they're just always, you know, at a job, or they're having to tell people what to do all day. It's like they kind of want to break and they just want to they want to be bossed around and serve someone. And so it's you know, a chance to to get all that out and you know, makes them uh a better person. And so it is, you know, a valuable service that they're providing. And so they do get paid, they should get paid, they should get paid a lot, you know. I have, like I said, friends that do this, and I'm always recommending them, you know. So yeah, it's in and it's just like any other service. If you, you know, went and got a massage and you paid for that, or if you went and got a haircut and paid for that, they're just offering a service.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

Great, great. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Um, in in those relationships are I know I know about safe words and I and consent. And then there's this other, I'm but I haven't heard, or maybe you know more. An audience member asked me to ask you about nonverbal safe words, or is there do you do you teach around the energy of that, or or how do you even coach that?

SPEAKER_00 32:28

Yeah, so let's say you like are in a situation where you can't speak, so you can't say a safe word. So like maybe you have like a ball gag or um or like a hood on or something, or you're just in a situation where um you can't speak. So maybe you're even in public, even, and so you would need like a non-verbal safe word. So if you're doing something like um like with a gag or something, you can do something like where you hold a bell in your hand, and then if you need to stop for whatever reason, then you would drop the bell, and so then your partner hears that. Um, you can also, you know, use hand signals, you can tap your partner, um, you know, or you know, a certain look if you're in public, but it's just so that way it still keeps it safe because like even you know, the the extremes of like choking is very common, you know, for people who are into kink and BDSM. And you can't say a safe word when you're being choked. And so um nonverbal cues are, you know, you're if you're gonna be involved in those things, then you definitely need a a safe word that's nonverbal in that way.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Okay, that makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense. Um what so you talked about it at the beginning a little bit with your family and that you're you're fairly open, you're going at your mom's pace as far as revealing. But what is what has the journey been like for you? Again, this is you know getting hornier and hornier on Maine, but but but where did you start and and how did you I mean, did you experience any stigmas? I'm trying to see, are you an are you a real person? Did you ever have insecurities and care what people think or have you always yeah, okay, okay?

SPEAKER_00 34:29

Yeah, it was it was definitely a journey starting out, and also too, um just being totally honest, like I have kids too. So there was that like, you know, oh, you know, we were afraid, like, what if our kids get taken away, you know, because of this, but but also just you know, having those insecurities. And so in the beginning, like I would post stuff, but like I would never show my face, like ever. And that was kind of like my my role in the beginning, like I'm gonna do this, and but I'm I'm not gonna show my face. And then after a while, like I just started thinking, like who cares? Like, you know, because like you know how like Instagram and Facebook is, like everything's integrated, anyways. Like Facebook's recommending, you know, people that you just sat on a bus with, like, oh, you guys should be friends because they know you're in the same vicinity and things like that. So nothing is ever truly private. And so I I kind of just figured like there's so much stress in trying to hide who you are and what you do, and like what would it look like if I stopped having to hide? And so I just started showing my face more, started using, you know, my voice more and doing things like this. And um yeah, I I saw like nothing super bad happened. So, like, of course, I would get like comments and even from like you know, friends that are that would maybe like unfollow me, but I nothing like horribly bad happened. And I just thought like I just feel so much better being you know who I am. And if they don't like it, like oh well. And and you know, some people do think like BDSM is morally wrong. And I've come to realize too that like if people are vocal about things like that, it's usually because they're self-projecting or they have some kind of skeletons in their closet that they're trying to direct the attention away from. So, you know, just over time I've kind of just like wised up and learned those things. And then once I was just like, I I don't care anymore, and then you know, I realized, well, the world still goes on.

SPEAKER_01 37:03

So amazing. God, what a testament. Or are did it like when you decided, I mean, at some point were you like fully all in? And did that have an effect on your business?

SPEAKER_00 37:13

In a it sounds like it might have been in a positive way, but yeah, in a positive way, because I would have people that would say, like almost like they thought I was a scam because I wasn't showing my face and things like that. And um, I would just say, Well, I'm trying to protect my identity and I do have kids, and but but once I just started being more out there, like, yeah, like I became obviously just more personal just because people saw that I have a face. Um, and more and more people, you know, wanted to work with me. Um, and then just also other like partnerships opened up with other people. And um, you know, so it did get easier that way, but you know, obviously I, you know, like most women in the world, I have self-esteem issues. So it's like now I'm not so much worried that people are gonna find out I'm like kinky into BDSM. I'm like worried, like, oh, what if they don't think I'm pretty? Or, you know, like you know, society.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_00 38:20

Yeah, so it's it's just the normal stuff now.

SPEAKER_01 38:25

Oh my gosh. Oh, well said, just the normal insecurities. Yeah, because I was I was do you still get a little antsy or maybe not anymore every time you're going live or you hit post or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

Yeah, but again, it's like it's not because like, oh, what if like my mom sees this or what if a friend see it's just more like uh like you know, because there's trolls out there too, you know? And so it's like I worry more about that. Um, and so, but yeah, I don't know, like it does get better, you know, but but it's still like just the same, like uh what are people gonna think?

SPEAKER_01 39:02

You know? Yeah, oh that's great. I mean, not great, but I it's validating. It's one of those like, oh wow, you're like, yeah, you're you're like out there and you still you're still a normal person. That's yeah, I think that's what's I think if it it makes sense that your business like started thriving when you showed your face because you are so kind and accessible and just like approachable. And it's like, oh, like uh it, I think it can get to the point where people think, oh, Dom sub, like, oh, they're cartoon characters, or you know, like they're very um, I don't know, like stereotypical versions of it, which could be, but like, yeah, you're just so personable that it makes it very, very accessible. Like you're also, you know, forgive me if this is too much judgment, but you're so adorable. Oh my gosh, it gets an adorable dom coach being coached.

SPEAKER_00 39:52

Oh, thank you, thank you. But yeah, and and even just like sharing more about like my personal life, like how I have kids, like, you know, obviously I don't share anything about my kids, I don't have them on or anything, but like that attracted a lot of people to me because they were like, oh, well, me and my spouse, like we're trained to like practice BDSM and we're thinking, like, how could we do this when we have kids in the house? And so they want to ask me, like, well, how are you able to do this when you have kids in the home? And um so just becoming more, you know, open about my personal life. I've been open about, you know, you know, physical issues, health issues, and things like that. And that's just, you know, drawn more people to me too, because it, you know, they're able to relate and see that I'm a real person. Because I think if you try to like project this persona that it becomes like unattainable to the everyday person. And they think like, I can never learn from you. You know, you're already just out there, you know, living the life of BDSM expert, and it's so far from where I could ever be. But then once they see, like, oh, I'm a normal person with a normal life, I just, you know, have this DOMSA relationship and we do a bunch of kinky things and we practice BDSM, you know, then it becomes not as you know, far out there, I think, for people.

SPEAKER_01 41:19

Wow. Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing all of that. We'll we'll wrap up here in a bit. I do have I do have some uh extra questions from the audience uh that we might take a look at. So we took we touched on a lot of them, most of them, but what uh one of my audience members said, How will Amy, that's me, how will Amy know when it's time for the spankining?

SPEAKER_00 41:43

Yeah. I think you will have to know for yourself when it's time for the spanking. I think this is like the reckoning, you know, like when when your reckoning will come. So yeah. That's when you're when you're ready for, yeah. The spanking of your life, you'll you'll know.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

I'll know when I know. I love that. I'll just know. There you go. Have that. Um, okay. Do you oh here's here's I think the last one that we'll do is um I I really liked this question because it is it is nuanced, and maybe maybe you you can just say, oh, I teach about that in my class. But the question is, what do you know any specific words or language to offer someone who wants to start a conversation about kink? And I do know the person who asked this and they are in a relationship, so I imagine they're thinking about that, but maybe you have an answer for that if someone's just um curious about it and wants to start a conversation with someone else.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

Yeah, that's really good. And um, I do have a whole course on this about um how to help your partner, but it's really those baby steps because you don't want to scare them. And so again, just some of the language you can use is just like, have you ever thought about doing this? Or just like, you know, have you ever had like a fantasy, you know, what you know, what did it look like? You know, what it what are some of your fantasies and just starting there, and then one thing I tell people is to use the movie Fifty Shades of Grey just as a way to break the ice and just be like, Did you ever see that movie? Like, you know, I I heard some things about it, like we should watch it. I heard it was funny, you know, and then that can kind of be a springboard into things, but um yeah, I always say make it about the other person and what they get out of it. Because if they just hear, like, I want more kink in the bedroom, I want BDSM, I want you to be my Dom or I want you to be my sub, then that's really overwhelming for a person. So like make it about them and just be like, I want to know what you want and what you desire. And I want to be the best partner for you, you know, sexually in the bedroom. I want to be able to fulfill all your needs and I want you to show me and help me do that. And then it becomes more about them and what they get out of it, but but definitely just making it lighthearted and fun. Like I always say, don't have these conversations in the bedroom, like have them when you're just having coffee, you know. So it takes that stress out of it, but um just kind of dropping little hints, you know, even something as simple as shopping online and you know, just wanting um, you know, to explore different bondage tools and toys and things like that, you know, window shopping, I think, you know, it can be a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_01 44:54

You're making me think of, I don't know if you've heard of the thing where you take your partner's phone and you go, wedding ring, wedding ring, wedding ring, and you like make them make their phone like do the math for you and like start doing that. So you can do that, like butt plug, butt plug, big dildo, big dildo.

SPEAKER_00 45:08

Beautiful clams.

SPEAKER_01 45:11

Okay, don't that is not Alessandra's recommendation. That's my recommendation, but there you go.

SPEAKER_00 45:17

Man, I I loved our conversation. And if you did too, definitely check out more from Amy at amivorpal.com. Her last name is spelled V-O-R-P-A. A-H-L. I'll put all her links in the description because she is doing such important, hilarious, and nerdy heartfelt work. You can also support her on Patreon and for sure go follow her on Instagram because she shares a ton of just bold, unapologetic goodness over there. So again, go to the description for all of her links. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Subliving.