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You know what trips up so many DOMs? Confidence. Going into a scene, running a scene, even just thinking about stepping into that role can feel overwhelming. Maybe you're worried you'll freeze up, or your mind will go blank in the middle of play. Or you're thinking, what if my sub sees right through me and realizes I'm not confident enough? I get it. And I promise you're not the only one who feels that way. Every Dom has been there. Confidence isn't something you're magically born with, it's something you build. Welcome to the Dom Sub Living podcast. Hey, it's Alessandra from Dom Sub Living, and today we're diving into how DOMs can build confidence before and during a scene. This episode is actually a replay of a coaching call my Dom did inside one of our programs, and it's packed with practical tips to help you stop second guessing yourself and actually enjoy your role more fully. So if you've ever felt nervous or unsure walking into a scene, keep listening. This is going to help you feel more grounded, more capable, and a whole lot more confident.

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Question this one is how to develop confidence as a DOM, especially going into a scene and during the scene itself. So great question. Um, really, really common. You know, building confidence as a DOM. Everybody starts from somewhere and everybody's on a different level, and it just really, really takes time. So, number one off the bat, don't feel bad. But we're gonna give you some tips on how to build a little more confidence, and hopefully that will help you out in the future so you can enjoy your scenes more fully. And first thing off the bat is you got to know yourself. You know, know what you like, what you don't like, um, know your limits. You know, just because you're a DOM and you're having the scene doesn't mean that you're gonna be okay with everything. You know, you're gonna have your desires, your wants, your needs, and your limits as far as like the things that you'll be into doing and not into doing. So that will help your communication. You know, it's gonna be a common theme through this Q ⁇ A, is gonna be communication, communication. Never enough of that. Um, that's what's gonna help to improve every aspect of your dynamics is having good communication with your partner. So when it comes to your partner, you know, you want to have a good understanding of what they're looking for also. Because remember, it comes subs needs, then the DOM's needs. So right off the bat, having a good, you know, firm understanding of what your sub is looking for to get out of the scene will help you to focus more on them. Because the scene ultimately for the Dom is to provide the sub with what they're looking for. So, you know, if you know that right off the get-go, you know what they've been asking for, you plan the scene around their desires, um and you go into it with that you know mindset that this is for them, you're doing what they want, that this has all been agreed upon. See, these things are gonna help build your confidence and build you up and and start off easy. You know, don't go into this huge, elaborate, detailed role-play scene or something like that, or uh intense, you know, physical play scene until you're ready. You know, start with little things, start very small, as small as you need to start. It could be very, very, you know, little. It's something just as much as like telling them what to do, and that's it. Never touch them, just tell them what to do. I mean, it could be something really tiny like that, or it can be even more. It could be you know an impact play scene, like we're gonna talk about a little bit later. You're ultimately you're at the DOM, you're the one in charge, you're the one that gets to pick, you're the one that gets to design the scene. Um, so keep it within your comfort level. Um, and you're gonna find really quickly that that is going to grow. Um so starting within your means and with what you're comfortable with is a good start. And never stop educating yourself. You know, they have you heard that maybe that saying like knowledge is power. Well, knowledge can be confidence too. So by educating yourself, um being in you know programs like this, um, reading online, being involved in the community, uh, talking with other DOMs, talking with even other subs, um, all of these things will put that that head knowledge there, which is going to help build your confidence too. And these are kind of all things that are like leading up to your scene. Because that was the first aspect of this question was how to develop that just that confidence as a DOM. And now, as far as like during the scene, I know that can be nerve-wracking sometimes, especially maybe if something doesn't go quite the way you wanted it to. Um, just remember that happens. You know, sometimes things come up, sometimes what you the toy you had in mind isn't where you left it, or you dropped something, or you, you know, I mean, a million things could happen. Just remember to have fun with it, laugh it off. You know, you've already had that communication with your partner. They already know that you know you have their best interests in mind, that you're wanting to create a good experience for the both of you. And just remember that there's really nothing that can go wrong that can't be dealt with, and just know that it happens. And so having that confidence can help. Remembering, like I mentioned earlier, that the scene isn't about you, the scene is about your sub, it's about providing the experience for them that they're requiring. And as a DOM, that's what you want. Um, and you'll find fulfilling your needs and fulfilling what you need from as a DOM will pretty much naturally come from providing those things for this sub. So yeah, just focus on on your partner. I think that's that's pretty much the best advice, really. And and then, you know, seek their feedback, you know, seek their you know, ask them what they have liked about having scenes with you. Um, ask their feedback of how you might be able to improve. Um keeping that line of communication open and don't really focus too much on feeling like you're not confident enough to be able to play. Because remember, like I said, everybody starts somewhere, it doesn't happen overnight. You don't um become a pro at all of these things overnight. And just so you know, even pros can sometimes stumble and fumble and make mistakes and do things that may you know bring their confidence level down just a little bit, but you know, you just keep on going. And through practice and more practice and more practice and more time, the confidence will come. Always trust in yourself, know that you are capable of this, that you know, this is something that you can grow in, and just focus on having fun. Um, and of course, always keeping respect with for your partner, never want to cross their boundaries, uh, things like that. But just focus on the experience, focus on your partner, focus on providing for them, and the confidence will grow over time. Um, as always, too, you know, um asking your your peers and your um other members and bringing up conversation points. I know this is an anonymous question, and that's totally fine, but you know, reading the comments and the conversations from of others may help also give you some ideas and just you know, continuing to make friends in the community and picking their brains about it. And just remember that everyone has been there. Um, I remember not being very confident either. And even, you know, even now, honestly, when there's certain things that are new that I try, it's hard to be completely confident um right off the get-go. But you'll find that it comes over time.

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I love that, right? These reminders about starting small and focusing on your sub's experience are exactly what so many DOMs need to hear. So if confidence has been something you've struggled with as a DOM, just remember you're not alone. And it really does grow with practice and communication and support. And if you want more than just tips from a podcast, me and my DOM actually do private one-on-one coaching every month inside our Alexis Pass. It's where you can get personal guidance and feedback and the kind of support that makes a huge difference in your dynamic. You can join us at domsubliving.com slash all access. I'll put a link for it in the description too. But that's domsubliving.com slash all access. We'd love to see you in there. And until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through doming.