SPEAKER_01 0:00

So most of them don't know this about slave training. That it's not that make or break your dynamic. It's your capacity to actually uphold them. Most of mums jump in excited, they create a long list of tasks and protocols. And then they realize they can't really keep track of them all. Or they forget to follow through. Or the dynamic starts strong and then slowly slips through the cracks. And that's the part no one wants to admit. That slave training falls apart long before the slave ever fails. It usually starts with the dominant. If you've ever tried building structure and felt overwhelmed or worried that you weren't enforcing things consistently enough, yeah, you're not the only one. Welcome to the Doms of Living podcast. Hey, it's Alessander from Doms of Living, and today you're getting a short but super practical lesson from my very own Dom Jay. It's actually a replay of a coaching call he did inside one of our programs. And in it he shares what our training actually looked like in the beginning, what worked, what didn't, and the biggest thing Doms skip when they're trying to build a master slave dynamic that actually lasts. If you want your structure to feel solid and sustainable and not chaotic or overwhelming, then keep listening. This is going to make everything click.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

So our first question is what has training looked like in your dynamic with Alessandra? And the second question is, what is the best way to go about slave training? So the first question, what did training look like in our dynamic? Well, first in the beginning, you know, we started slow. We didn't want to overwhelm ourselves with a whole bunch of different uh rules and protocols as we were just learning ourselves like where our limits are, um, how much was too much, and you know, things like that. So, you know, it started out as having a task list that needed to be done um every day, and there would be, you know, punishments that would be enforced if those tasks weren't complete. Um how she dressed was a requirement, um, how she acted, how she talked to me, uh, you know, things like that. Basically, you know, the master slave dynamic is basically the the dominant or master has control in all things and the slave has given control um as a slave to be used however the master sees fit. So the main thing though, and like we learned is starting slow. You can make a million rules, a bunch of different protocols, and pages and pages in your contract about all these things, and then you find out that it's just too much and it's not like you know realistic or achievable. So that's you know one tip and the way that we started out and some things we discovered along the way. And one thing that we learned pretty quickly is follow-through on the punishments was very important. Uh enforcing those protocols uh for your slave. So you need to, for one, remember all the different things, which again falls in line with the starting slow. Uh, you don't want to have a bunch of list of things that you want done and then realize you're as a dominant or as a master aren't even able to, you know, keep straight those things because we're not perfect and it happens. So it's not a big deal. And so some of the things those tasks can look like. Um it can be, you know, cooking, cleaning, household chores, things like that, even washing the car. Um basically all the things that you don't want to do as a dominant, you can assign to your slave in the bedroom, um, using your slave as a sexual object for your pleasure, um, things like that that they've obviously given consent to. Um, and it can even in a lot of situations be uh a piece of a consensual non-consent or CNC type of dynamic, also, where the slave is given all control. And so the best way to go about it for your secondary question there, first of all, I would say start with, as always, lots and lots of communication. Um communication is so important because typically you know, a slave wants to be used in certain ways, and there's certain ways they don't want to be used, that and to make sure that you stay with consent, you need much communication, never enough communication. So start there and then also think for yourself, what do you want to control? Um each of us has our own kinks, our own desires, and we know what we want to have control in, and we know the different aspects of our life that we want that. So think about that. Have a direction that you want to go before you start training. And so there's a couple of tips. Um following through with your punishments, like I already mentioned, uh, we want to make sure we're consistent. If we first of all, whatever we ask of our slaves, we need to make sure that we've told them what the consequence is going to be for not following through. So we need to know what those things are and also have very consistent follow-through. Otherwise, the slave can start to lose respect for us, and we don't want that. Uh, we want them to want to serve enthusiastically. So that means we need to punish and enforce our rules and our protocols uh for our slaves consistently. The only other thing I can think of is, you know, knowing your level of what you can handle. And as you grow in your skills as a dominant, you're obviously you're gonna be able to handle more and more and be able to be consistent with those things. So start with a few things, get those down really, really well, learn the abilities and of your slave and move up from there. So even if it's only one thing, start with one thing, then move up to two things, then three things, wait till they've learned it well, and then move on to another thing. So those are some some of the tips with that. And let us know how it goes, because we always are interested in the progress of our members. So yeah, keep us in the loop. And also feel free to ask in the community. The community is there for you to pick the brain of other dominants and for the submissives, pick the brains of other submissives and like get their feedback on what they've learned along their journey in DS.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Ugh, that's so good, right? Because so many DOMs think slave training is about having the perfect list of roles. When really it's about choosing what you can stay consistent with and building from there. If you've ever felt like you were failing at structure or worried you weren't enforcing things the right way, I hope his reminders take that pressure off. Training is a skill. It grows as you grow. Now, if you want real guidance, not just tips from a podcast, me and my Dom coach dominance and submissives every month inside the All Access Pass. You get personalized feedback, support when things get messy, and help creating structure that actually fits your life, not someone else's fantasy version of it. You can join us at domsubliving.com slash all access. I'll put a link for it in the description too, but that's domsubliving.com slash all access. We'd love to support you there. And until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Subliving.