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Hey there, and welcome to the Dom Sub Living Podcast. I'm your kinky guide, Alessandra, and I'm so excited to share this special episode with you. Today I'm bringing you the audio from my free masterclass, Three Keys to Creating a Killer DS Dynamic. This training has already helped so many people build confidence, create deeper connections, and truly own their roles in this lifestyle. And now it's your turn. If you want to see the full video of this training, including all the graphics and step-by-step kinky visuals, head to domsubliving.com slash masterclass. And if you love what you hear today, I've got even more exciting news. Enrollment for my signature Dom Sub training course is officially open. The step-by-step course gives you everything you need to take your journey to the next level. You'll get access to new limited time bonuses and a supportive community to help you thrive in the BDSM lifestyle and become the best Dom or sub or Switch you can be. But enrollment is only open until Wednesday, April 1st at midnight. And after that, the price is going up. So head to Domsubliving.com/slash masterclass to enroll now. Now let's celebrate enrollment being open with this training I created just for you. Let's dive in. I can't wait for you to hear this. Like I said, welcome to our masterclass, three keys to creating a killer DS dynamic. I'm Alessandra from Dom Sub Living. You can see some of the pictures of me that maybe you've seen on the internet over the years. But I am a 24-7 married sub. I'm married to my Dom, my husband. We've been married for almost 25 years now. We've been in the lifestyle for over a decade, and we have two children. And I help new and experienced DOMs and subs live the BDSM lifestyle to the fullest. And one of the ways I do that is through my signature Dom Sub training course. And here's some reminders. So feel free to take notes as we go and take screenshots of things that you like. During and after the training, be sure to ask any questions you have in the chat. There's a chat box in the bottom right corner of the page. No question is too small. But if you have questions or just want to connect with me, you know, after the masterclass, here are some ways you can do that. So by email, of course, I'm hello at domsubliving.com. And then on all the social media apps, I'm DomSubliving. And also there's our website at domsubliving.com. Okay, so to get started, I want you to tell me in the chat, or if you're watching this replay, you can always journal about it too. But let me know, have you ever wanted to stop struggling in the vanilla rut and make BDSM a way of life? And also let me know, do you want to constantly feel fulfilled in your life and relationships as a confident, dominant, or submissive? I'm sure you do. That's why you're watching this training. But then I want to know, why haven't you yet? Like what's holding you back? Why haven't you gotten to the level that you wanted to get to? What do you think is standing in your way? So maybe this sounds like you. So maybe you're overwhelmed. You're overwhelmed as to where to start and how to be a better dominant or submissive. Or maybe you have a desire to go beyond just kink and make this your actual lifestyle 24-7. Or maybe you've kind of run ragged and run down by your vanilla life and all of your responsibilities, which kind of makes you have to put your needs on the back burner. So maybe one of these sounds like you, or all three of these sound like you, but yeah, it's it's something to think about. So before we dig in, I just want to share my story with you, just really quick, so you know how I got here and how I became a BDSM instructor, and how I got started as a DS relationship coach. So a little bit about my journey, and let me know if you can relate to this. So, my Dom and I have been married for a long time. Like I said, it'll be 25 years, and in the first few years of our marriage, we were always butting heads. So we fought a lot, we did years of vanilla counseling, but nothing was really working. So we both weren't getting what we needed and wanted, and that was control. My husband, Jay, he wanted more control over me, and I wanted to give up control, but of course, that just goes against society's norms. So we didn't really pursue that. So I'm sure you can relate to that, but thankfully we discovered DS Dynamics and later BDSM. But when my dom and I first started out, there was nothing available online to help us on our journey. We were looking for, you know, things to help us step by step. And we were privileged to live in one of the kinkiest cities on the planet, San Francisco, California. Shout out to that. So although we had access to in-person classes and mentors and communities, we know everyone isn't as lucky as we were. But today we're a 24-7 Total Power Exchange Dom sub couple with over a decade of experience in the lifestyle and helping others. And we've taught and mentored over 10,000 of our students. And you know, our students are DOMs and subs and switches, both new and more advanced people in the lifestyle, too. And we have over 2,000 students enrolled in our signature Dom Sub training course. And here's one of our students, Nicole, and she actually had a similar story starting out. And she said here how my Dom and I struggled with implementing and sticking to rules and routines when we decided to take our Dom Sub relationship outside of the bedroom. Dom Sub Living and Alessandra were instrumental in overcoming a lot of the obstacles we were facing. We are now thriving in our BDSM relationship and are in a place we've always wanted to be as a DS couple. Without the coaching and advice and guidance from Jay and Alessandra, we would not be where we are today. So you can see other real people have started off struggling in their relationship and have been able to overcome it. So if that's where you want to be, so where do you start? Well, we're going to get into our three keys, but I just want to quickly mention if you don't have a partner yet or you're brand new, these steps will work for you. You'll be able to create a strong foundation for yourself and be able to attract the right partner. And remember, there are lots of genuine people out there who are kinky and looking for a partner too. So don't be afraid to put yourself out there. Okay, so key number one is know what you want and why. So think about what dominant, submissive, or switch you want to be, because there's so many different aspects and roles to these different terms. A dominant can be a caregiver, they can be a master, they can be more of a rope rigger, and the same with submissive. Submissives can be littles or slaves or just masochists. And then switch can be a little bit of both. So it can just be a mix. So figure out where you gravitate to. Everybody's unique. And think about how you would like your partner to be. How do you want them to complement you? And what role do you think they would be best in? And also think about do you want this to be full-time, part-time, just in the bedroom, outside the bedroom, things like that? Then another thing you can also figure out is how you feel about total power exchange or TPE and CNC, consensual non-consent. So whether or not you want those aspects in your relationship. And then discover your kinks and limits. So what are your unique desires? Like what experiences from your past have shaped your desires, both negatively and positively? What kinks are you curious about and want to explore? Do you have any hard and soft limits? And then a big part a lot of people miss is to know your why. So having a why will keep you motivated when the dynamic gets hard. And I can assure you, it's going to get hard when you're dealing with two different people and they have their own needs and wants. So you really want to think about why is this lifestyle important to you personally? And these can be things you journal about too. But another thing to consider is what do you have to gain if you are in this thriving DS dynamic? And then on the flip side of that is what do you have to lose if you stay in your vanilla rut? So knowing these things and answering these questions personally can have that why stuck in your mind at the forefront. But here's where people get stuck. So you know what you want and why you want it. You might have already been thinking, like, well, yeah, I know these things already. But maybe you have family and friends or coworkers that you have to hide your true identity from. So that's why in module six of our DOM sub training course, we cover that in detail how to deal with others successfully. You learn how to keep family and friends from sabotaging your new lifestyle that you're creating. And because, like I said, I'm a parent, I'll show you some surprising hacks I found for how to still have fun, even if you have children. Because we've been in this lifestyle for a very long time. And so our children were very small when we first started this lifestyle. They were just toddlers, and now they're older teenagers. So being able to enjoy BDSM when you have children is something that a lot of people struggle with. Okay, key number two is to create an actual plan and adapt it as needed. So one of the first things I recommend you do is create and use a contract. And I would say with our students and clients, that a lot of times when they are struggling in their DS dynamic, one of the first things I ask them is like, how is your contract? And a lot of times, either they don't have one or it's been a long time since they've even looked at it or, you know, referenced it. And so a contract is important because it puts into writing what you both expect and agree to in your relationship. And it just makes it more likely for your intentions to stick because they're actually written down. They're they're right there, they're clear. So some things to put in your contract are your actual roles and the rules you'll have, your agreements, your boundaries, your punishments. And then what you want to do is review it from time to time to make sure it's still serving you. And that way, if you need to make any adjustments and or just reaffirm your commitment to each other, you can do that then. And then have rituals and roles. So rituals are what give your dynamic meaning. They they help you to stay focused and centered in the lifestyle and they remind you of your role, especially because, like I said, times will get hard. Sometimes they get really, really hard. And rituals and rules can also give you that structure in and out of the bedroom. And rules keep things from turning vanilla. And again, just like with your contract, you want to review and adapt it from time to time because situations change, your life changes, and rituals and rules that served you in the beginning may not serve you so much anymore. And that's why you need to regularly check in or even take time to journal and reflect. And yes, DOMS can journal too. But even if you're single, just set aside time to review your progress. I would say journal or have a check-in with your partner ideally, at least once a week. This is a time to meditate on your wins, your goals, and what you'd like to change or improve. And a bonus tip here is to do after scene reviews. So this can be part of your aftercare where you talk about how the scene went and integrate it. But here's where people get overwhelmed. You're extremely busy because of work, kids, health issues, obligations, chores, etc., etc. And you have no time for rituals, rules, or just going over your contract. You're just simply too busy. And I think we can all relate to that. So that's why in module five of our Dom sub training course, we cover in detail how to live the lifestyle when you're busy. And like I said, we're all busy. So it shows you how to become a better Dom or sub even when you don't have the time. And you can learn our secrets for busy kinksters so you can avoid that dreaded vanilla rat. Because, like I said, Jay and I have children, we're busy, we work, you know, we both work full time. I have health issues, so we totally get it. And then key number three is to have rewards and punishments. And the reason for this is because discipline is essential for training. So first and foremost, dominants need to be self-disciplined before they can really properly train their submissive. So it really starts there. Discipline can be physical, but I also know that a lot of people don't like punishments, and that's okay. Maybe they're more of a soft Dom, too. So it doesn't always have to involve physical punishments. In fact, I always like mentioning this that the word discipline actually comes from the word disciple, which means taught one. So the role of discipline is really to just teach the submissive. So I think that should always be the focus when you're disciplining, even if you're using punishments and corporal punishments. And they should always come from a place of trying to teach and learn. And then I have my favorite bonus tip here, and that is maintenance bankings, because maintenance bankings are something that we do regularly, maybe you know, once or twice a week, and they are like a punishment where it kind of just nips the bad behaviors in the bud. Um, so it's like a punishment before the behavior has happened to keep the submissive in line. But the dominant gets a lot out of it too. Um, if you're into spankings and you're looking for a way to prevent maybe some of the negative behaviors, I think maintenance spankings are always one of my favorite tips. And both DOMs and subs should have rewards. I think this is something that's not talked a lot about, about how DOMs need rewards too. But rewards really just reinforce good behavior. And that's even like I said, for the DOM. The DOM needs reinforcement too. And these can be big or small, free or expensive. So even things just like praise and reassurance can go a long way. They don't have to cost a lot of money. And then I think a big one, too, is just having regular scenes and play sessions, because that reminds you of why you're actually doing this, why all the work is worth it. You you want to have fun. After all, BDSM is supposed to be fun. This is why we all got into it, why we want to pursue this lifestyle. So, so yeah, having those rewards in place regularly can go a long way for both the DOM and the sub. Now, here's some challenges you might encounter. Okay, so you might have a hard time coming up with new ideas for scenes and rituals and rules and punishments, and coming up with new things all the time can be daunting and put a lot of pressure on the DOM, too. And so your DS relationship can become boring after a while. So that's why in our Dom subtraining course, we include sample BDSM scenes. These are step-by-step tutorials we have to inspire your play sessions. Some of these scenes include age play, bondage. We have master slave dynamic scenes, female dominant scenes, male submissives, and more. Then in the course two, we have hundreds of ideas for rules and rituals and punishments. And this also includes a database where students can submit their ideas to, so you can always steal those. And it just really includes dozens of other things for even long-distance relationships too. So all types of dynamics. So just to recap, today you learned how to number one figure out exactly what you want and discover your personal why. And number two, how to create an actual plan by using a contract, rituals, and rules. And three, how to have rewards and incorporate discipline to make your dynamic last. So you're really here today because you want a kinky dynamic without having to sacrifice any more time that you don't already have, and you want a simple solution to that dreaded vanilla rut that we're all avoiding, and you've probably felt like throwing in the towel and are finally ready to just make a change once and for all. So maybe one of these applies to you or all of them, but this is really why you're here for this master class. And now is finally your time. You don't have to wait another six months, another year to really achieve these things. And so that's why today we're introducing the step-by-step system to quickly become the best Dom or Sub you can be in our signature course Dom Sub Training. And here is everything you'll get when you enroll. So lifetime access to the course, support and feedback in our private community forums. There's hands-on how-to videos, a 20-page workbook, and an insider resource list and those three sample scenes as well. And here's what you'll achieve: you'll gain hundreds of new ideas for punishments, scenes, rituals, and rules. You'll master your role as a dominant or submissive or switch, and you'll have a step-by-step plan to create the dynamic you always wanted. And here's what we'll be covering inside the course. So in module one, you'll learn how to define your key preferences. You'll focus on what makes you unique so you can better connect with others, and you'll discover how to use BDSM terminology correctly so you don't sound like a newbie. And in module two, you'll learn everything you need to know to become a BDSM expert. We'll cover true dominance and submission, not what other blogs or regurgitated chat GPT will try to tell you. And you'll discover new bondage techniques to transform your sex life and discipline and punishment strategies that actually work. And in module three, since there are a lot of scary weirdos and fakes and scammers out there who are pretending to be a Dom or Sub, I'll teach you how to find a partner the right way so that you can find your perfect match if you're trying to find a partner. And then in module four, playing in the bedroom and on weekends is fun. But what if you could enjoy BDSM whenever you wanted? So I'll share my step-by-step process for making it work 24-7 if you want to take it outside the bedroom, either part-time or full-time. And in module five, you'll learn how to become a better Dom or sub, even when you don't have the time. So you'll learn my secrets for busy kinksters so you can avoid that dreaded vanilla rut. And in module six, so did you know that many people will shame you for enjoying BDSM? You've probably already experienced it, but you'll learn how to keep family and friends from sabotaging your exciting new lifestyle. Plus, I'll show you surprising hacks for how to still have fun, even if you have children. And then in module seven, you'll have seen some huge successes by the end of the training, but don't worry, I won't leave you on your own. I'll be giving you some extra tools you need to continue increasing your satisfaction on your BDSM journey. And of course, you'll get bonuses. So one of our bonuses is a sample scene set. So these are again scenes for age play, bondage, master slave dynamics, female DOMs, male submissives, and more. Another bonus is my personal resource guide. This is links for the top BDSM products and companies, the best websites for meeting new people, and the events and groups that I love to hang out personally, directories for kink-friendly therapists, and different educators. I'm always updating and adding to this list to keep it current and up to date for you. And then we have some limited time only bonuses. So these are really exciting. So we have two mentoring session recordings. So you'll get to see Jay and I, a lifestyle dominant and submissive with a decade of experience where we answer members' top real life questions. So you can just kind of steal our hacks and our real life tips while we get. Advice on a different wide range of subjects. These are really, really fun, and our clients have gotten so much value out of these. And then another limited time only bonus is our personal daily schedule as a 24-7 Dom and sub couple. So you'll get to see how a real life Dom and sub actually spend their day despite having to work full time and having two children. It's kind of a peek behind the curtain to how we actually live. And this is what one of our students, Peter, said. So he said, I spent a handful of confusing months reading DS blogs, Reddit posts, and watching YouTube videos, but never felt like I knew how to get started when it came to DS relationships. Alessandra's course, Dom Subtraining, was everything I wish popular BDSM books and blogs were. I love how she breaks down the process. She makes it insanely easy to understand. I can't recommend this course enough. So I know what you're thinking. What's the investment? Well, let me show you everything that you'll be getting. So, of course, again, lifetime access to the Dom Sub training course, members only community where you have access to the private forums for support and feedback, hands-on how-to videos, QA interview recording with my Dom, my ultimate resource directory, the Dom Sub Training Workbook, three sample BDSM scenes, then the expiring bonus of the two mentoring session recordings, the other expiring bonus of my DOM's personal daily schedule as a 24-7 Dominant, and then a pay in full bonus where you get the scene creation worksheets. So the total value of all of that, if you add it all up, is$1,460. But you can enroll today for just three payments of$79 or$199 if you pay in full. And that way you can save$40. And this is another one of my students, Leanne. She said, pretty early on in our DS relationship, Sir and I took the Dom Sub training program. It was very informative and really expanded our openness and honest communication. We learned about communicating to identify our limits and identifying challenges and solutions to achieving a full-time DS relationship and so much more. With Alessandra's help, I was able to learn and grow with my SER as well as advance my knowledge as a submissive from a trusted source. So I'm so glad that Leanne found us and we've been able to support her on her BDSM journey and actually become friends. But before we move on, I want to help you decide if this is actually right for you, like without pressure. So I have three questions I want you to ask yourself. So will joining DOM subtraining actually get me closer to the BDSM lifestyle I want? So are you struggling with skills or mindset or connecting with the community? Or do you need support in a mentor? Even if it's just one of those things, the course can help you reach your goals. And then question two does Dom sub training increase my chances of success compared to trying to figure this out on my own? So I'm guessing you've probably tried doing it on your own. And maybe you've spent weeks, months, or even years, but this will help you finally succeed on your journey because you'll have a step-by-step roadmap and you'll have support and feedback and be surrounded by others like you. So you'll have community, accountability, things you can't get by doing it on your own. And then question three can I realistically make this investment work? And I totally understand that some might want to sign up but feel like they can't afford it right now. And that's why we do offer that three monthly payment option to make it more affordable. We also offer Klarna where you can buy now and pay later. That's totally fine too. Because I genuinely want this to be accessible for the people it's actually right for. But remember, just a heads up, that the price will be going up soon. Now, if you answered no to any of these questions, I don't want you to join, like truly. But if you answered yes to all three, then this is your next best step. And you probably already know that. Now, I know you might have some questions still, so I'm going to do kind of a lightning round and answer a lot of them here. So, what if I'm brand new to BDSM? Well, fantastic. So our DOM sub training course will help you get a running start with exploring BDSM. So you could spend years trying to figure out how to live the lifestyle, or you can start finding satisfaction now with our course. And what if I'm already living a Dom sub lifestyle 24-7? Well, would you like to increase the satisfaction you experience every day? Because everyone I meet almost, it seems that no matter how long they've been playing, that almost everyone has huge challenges they're struggling with in their relationship. And in our Dom sub training course, I share the best strategies that will help you quickly take things to the next level, no matter how many years of experience you do or don't have. And then what if I don't have a partner yet? Well, we do have a whole module on how to find a partner. We share our step-by-step advice that has worked for hundreds of our members to actually find a partner. And we actually have a personals section in the course where you can meet other members. And we've actually had quite a few people find their long-term partner that way. But all of our material in the course can also apply to you, even if you're single and even want to stay single. But if you do want to find a partner, we have trainings and resources for that too. And then can I take the course with my partner? Well, absolutely. I actually encourage couples to go through the course together. So after you enroll, just simply share your login information with your partner. And that way you can both access it. You can both take the course together and then massively improve your dynamic. And if you have any other questions, feel free to message us. You can use the chat box in the bottom right hand corner of the screen here, or you can message us at hello at domsubliving.com. But you can join us now and you can use that button below to enroll. And part of this open enrollment session you have until Wednesday, April 1st at midnight to get those expiring bonuses. And you can save an extra$200 now before the price goes up too. So you can get in now for$199 and also save$40 by paying in full that way, or you can do the payment plan too. But we would love to have you inside Dom Sub Training. So use that button, and we can't wait to have you join us.