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One of the biggest mistakes people make in a 24-7 DS dynamic is assuming the submissive should either do everything automatically or nothing unless they're told. And to be honest, both of those can create a ton of frustration in a relationship. Let's show you what to do instead. Welcome to the Dom Sub-Living Podcast. Hey, it's Alessandra, and today's episode is a little different. This one actually comes from Jay, my Dom. He answered this question inside one of our programs. And honestly, when I went back and listened to it, I knew it needed to be on the podcast. Because if you're newer to a 24-7 dynamic and you're sitting there wondering if you're even doing this right, this is exactly what you need to hear. Let's listen in.

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So Sarah says, my partner and I recently went from being in an intermittent top-bottom relationship to pursuing a 24-7 DS lifestyle. My question as a fairly new sub is what am I supposed to be doing? Am I supposed to be waiting for him to always take the lead, or am I supposed to be more proactive in things? Well, Sarah, thanks for asking this question. Common for newer subs to have the like, am I doing it right? You know, kind of question. So definitely glad you asked. So if you haven't already checked out, um if you haven't seen it, we have an article on the website uh called the Ultimate Guide, How to Be Submissive. And we'll put a link to that with the video so you can check that out if you haven't. And that will give you, you know, a lot of good guidelines, maybe some reminders. Uh might have some things you haven't thought of. Uh, so that might help you. Looking at your question, it looks like you went from kind of an on and off thing, maybe bedroom only, or just kind of playing around, to now like a more uh structured 24-7 type of dynamic. And that definitely can change things because now there's a whole lot more control involved, a lot more attention involved, a lot more planning and things like that that you need to work on as a DOM. So from the subs perspective, it can be a little bit challenging because you're looking to the DOM for structure and now in all areas of your life, not just you know, during the playtime or or the on time, um, if that makes sense. So, what I my advice would be always comes back to communication. There's something you're feeling like, am I doing this right? What am I supposed to be doing? I'm a little unsure what I should be doing. The very first thing you should do is communicate that. No DOM wants their sub to continually like wonder, like, am I doing this right? They want to know like they've got like precise direction, that they know what's expected, how to follow it, and they know that all I have to do is follow XYZ and I'm doing it right. Not that they don't want reassurance still, but but for the most part, it's kind of that simple. So if it's not being laid out for you in a way that you understand, so you understand your role and know what's expected so that you know then how to fulfill it, if that makes sense, then you need to definitely communicate that with your DOM. And how to go about that would be you can either wait till there's your check-in time where you're able to speak freely about concerns and bring it up then, or anytime you have a concern, you can request um to be able to speak about it and have that conversation. So I would suggest one of those two routes and then having that conversation, like, hey, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. You know, I want to do my best, I want to be 100% in this, but I'm not sure if I'm doing it right, or I don't know what you expect of me. Because that's kind of telling, you know, in your question where you say, What am I supposed to be doing? Your Dom should be, and again, not putting blame necessarily anywhere because every, you know, we're all working on things. There's even times with Alessandra that I like want her to do something, but she's not exactly sure how I want her to go about doing it. So she's like, What am I supposed to be doing? And she'll ask me. So if you're not sure what you're supposed to be doing, definitely bring it up to your dom and find out what he wants you to be doing. And then that opens up, how can I put it? Opens up another aspect to that is now is what your dom requesting of you is it enough for you? Because for most subs, it's not the kind of situation like it is, like say when we go to work and we're working for our boss or whatever, we're we're happy if we get away with having the least amount to do. Um, some subs don't want that, they want more structure, they want it more in-depth and detailed and uh detail-oriented, and and so that they have a lot to do. So if you're not having enough structure in your life, if you're not having enough tasks, enough responsibilities where you feel like you're really truly serving to the point that is satisfying to you, then bring that up and have the conversation about it. And I'm not sure if you're if your DOM is new to the lifestyle either or new to a 24-7 kind of uh dynamic, but it can take some time too as a DOM to really sink into that role and realize like how much is expected of you in a 24-7 situation where you're asked to basically run the relationship all the time. That's a lot of extra workload, rewarding, but a lot of extra workload. So it can take some time to adjust to what is needed, and so that could be the case too. Your DOM could be thinking, oh, everything's fine, but really they need to take more control in some areas and step up in their direction. And then you could ask your DOM too, like, hey, is what I'm doing okay? Would you like more of this or less of that? Do you like me being proactive and kind of taking the lead in my own life in certain areas, or do you want to have the lead in all of it? You know, every relationship is different. Everybody's version of 24-7 is different. So find what works for you. As always, with with any of this, everyone in the community is always completely welcome to chime in with their advice or what's worked for them or you know, ideas. That's what really makes this community worthwhile for everyone, is is when we do that. So don't think that it's uh off limits to throw your your comments in this thread about your ideas or what you think of it. That's totally okay and and welcomed. And we want that so we all can you know kind of band together as a family here and help strengthen each other's relationships. So hope that helps you, Sarah, and let us know how it goes.

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So I really loved what he said there about how different every 24-7 dynamic can look and how so much of this really comes down to just communication and figuring out what actually works for your relationship instead of trying to copy somebody else's dynamic from the internet. If you want to ask questions like this too, that's exactly what we do inside our All Access Pass. You'll get access to our private community, private coaching, trainings, and the ability to ask both me and Jay your own questions about DS, BDSM, and real world power exchange relationships. You can learn more at domsubliving.com/slash all access. I'll put the link in the description too. And until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Subliving.