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One of the biggest mistakes I see in DS relationships is treating the dynamic like it's a hobby, something you do when you have time. And I know it sounds harsh, but if your DS dynamic only exists when life is easy, that might be exactly why it keeps falling apart. Life doesn't magically get less busy. So if your dynamic keeps getting pushed to the back burner every time things get stressful, this episode might completely change how you think about DS. Welcome to the Dom Sub-Living Podcast. Hey, it's Alessandra, and today's episode is actually a replay from one of our coaching calls inside the All X Pass community. One of our members asked a question that I hear all the time. What do you do when life gets busy? When you're moving, changing jobs, dealing with stress, illness, family responsibilities, or just trying to survive? How do you keep your DS dynamic from getting pushed to the back burner? So if you've ever felt disconnected from your role, your partner, or the lifestyle during a stressful season of life, you're not alone. The mistake most people make is treating their dynamic like something they can put on pause until life settles down. But here's the problem: life rarely settles down. There's always another challenge, another obligation, another reason to wait until later. So in this coaching call, I'm going to share the mindset shift that completely changed how I approach DS. I'm going to share why I believe your dynamic shouldn't be something you turn on and off. And I'll even show you how to identify the non-negotiables that keep your connection strong, even during life's busiest seasons. Let's listen in. So Adora says, How do you stay connected to your respective identities during major life changes? I feel like Kink gets pushed on the back burner during life changes and survival mode. Um, I'm struggling to balance, let's table the entire Kink part of our dynamic until we're settled, versus I need to be connected to this headspace in my identity, RDS dynamic to feel safe and secure. So how do you like navigate those? So this question like comes up a lot in our program, actually. Um, and the number one thing to prevent this from happening is just like your mindset. I know that sounds so like silly, but like it's how you reframe it, it's what your viewpoint is. Um, because if you're wanting to make this a lifestyle, if you're wanting this dynamic to work, it should be, it should never be something that you turn on or off or that you put on a back burner. Um, and the illustration I always give is like if you got married and you're in a marriage now and times get stressful, you wouldn't say, like, I need to put my marriage on the back burner. Like, you know, um, because you had given the example of, you know, moving across the country, and we actually just moved across state uh last September. So like we know the stress of a move. Um, so yeah, you would never say, okay, well, we're moving now or we're changing jobs, so like I need to put my marriage on the back burner. Or if you have kids, you would never say, like, I need to table being a parent right now because this is just too stressful. So just that little shift of like, this isn't something I'm gonna turn on or off. This isn't something I'm gonna table. This isn't something I'm gonna put on the back burner. You know, just like my role as a parent, just as my role as a spouse, I'm not turning this on and off. So, what do you do? So um, I like to say, like, have some non-negotiables, like things you do no matter what. Um, so like the analogy with the children, it's like, yeah, if you're doing a move and you're not gonna put being a parent on the back burner, there's gonna be some non-negotiables. Like maybe it's having dinner together as a family, um, you know, taking your kid to school in the morning. So, um, with your DS dynamic, it's the same thing. Figure out what those non-negotiables are. So I can give you some examples to get started, but these are just again my examples. So, like some non-negotiables for us is kneeling every night. Like, literally, like, even if he's not here for whatever reason, like I am expected to kneel. Our weekly check-in is another non-negotiable. Um, maintenance banking. So, like once a week, once a week he does a maintenance banking. Um, regular orgasms are non-negotiable and having a weekly scene, even if it's just like a small one, but having like some form of bondage and SM play, having that weekly, those are non-negotiables. So whether or not like it's a crazy week, it's a crazy month, quarter year, like we keep those non-negotiables. And just reframing it that, like, no matter how crazy things are, it's not like, oh, I need to just like not be a sub right now. Like, no, I'm always a sub. I'm never gonna say, like, uh, things are crazy, I need to not be a parent right now. Like, I think it's just a little tweak in the mindset. And once like you make that tweak, I think it becomes so much easier. Because if you allow yourself to table it, like you said, table it. If you have that ability, you're gonna do it. Like, if you know, like, oh, if if things get really hard, I know I can just like put this to the side and pick it up when things are easier. Like, let's be honest, when are things gonna get easier? Like, never, like, they're not. If anything, they're gonna get harder. So, yeah, pick your non-negotiables and just like make that tweak with your mindset. All right, so my biggest takeaway for you, the person listening to this podcast, is if you want DS to be a lifestyle, it can't be something you only do when life is easy. Life is always going to throw challenges your way. There's always going to be another busy season, another obligation, another reason to wait until later. So instead of asking, when can I get back into my role as a Dom or sub, ask yourself, what are the non-negotiables that keep me connected no matter what? If you'd like more BDSM and DS and Kink Education, join our free community at domsubliving.comslash community. You'll get access to our announcements, updates, resources, boot camps, and free trainings. And if you'd like your questions answered just like in today's episode, check out the all access pass at domsubliving.comslash all access. You'll get access to all of our past coaching calls, courses, our private forums, and the opportunity to chat with me during our one to one private mentoring sessions. Everything you need is in the show notes. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sub Living.