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Humiliation can be incredibly hot, right up until you hit a nerve you didn't know was there. But that doesn't mean you should avoid it. Today I'm showing you how to explore humiliation play, where to draw the line, and how to know when you've gone too far. I'm Alessandra, and if you want to explore the edgier side of BDSM without sacrificing trust or connection, you're in the right place. Welcome to the Dom Sub Living Podcast. I know we're going to be covering a lot in this episode. So to make it easy for you, I want to share a special gift with you. My free master list of 50 degradation and humiliation ideas. It's packed with creative and exciting ways to spice up your play and relationship. Just click the link in the description or go to domsubliving.com slash degradation and you can get your free copy and take your BDSM experience to the next level. Again, download your master list of 50 ideas at domsubliving.com/slash degradation. But before we dig in all the different ways to explore humiliation and degradation in your BDSM dynamic, we really have to get on the same page about what these terms mean because they are quite similar, but they are a little different too. A lot of people will use these terms interchangeably. And even in this episode, you'll kind of hear me do that. But degradation and humiliation, when we're talking about in terms of BDSM, these would involve consensual acts. So consensual is the key, but these are things where obviously one partner would be taking on the dominant role, the other partner would be taking on the submissive role. And these different things you would be doing can be verbal, they can be physical, they can be sexual too. But the purpose is really to lower the other person's status and really just create an intense and psychological and emotional experience. And so when we're thinking about degradation, these are things that really lower your partner's or yourself, your status. And humiliation is more about embarrassing things. So there can be things that you do that are humiliating, but they don't really lower your status in either the relationship or in this or in society. And again, there can be degrading things that you do that actually make you proud and not embarrassed or humiliated. So there are a couple little like nuances between the two terms, but generally you are going to hear these terms kind of used interchangeably. So in terms of the psychological aspects of this kink, um, this kink is really appealing to people because it kind of allows you to explore these deep-seated fantasies and and push boundaries of either your gender or just society in general and just really experience this emotional release and this connection with your partner. And I'll be giving you some examples too. But obviously, with all things kink and BDSM, you really need to prioritize safety and consent. Um, so having clear communication is very important, and we're going to be getting more into that as well. So the first thing you need to do when you are preparing to get into degradation or humiliation is just to really set your boundaries and discuss those with your partner. So maybe some things are completely off limits and you want to talk about that with your partner. So for me personally, some area, you know, because I enjoy humiliation and degradation, I those are some things I really like doing as a submissive, and Jay likes, you know, inflicting those as the dominant. But we do have some things that are completely off limits for me. So these have to do with things about mostly about my appearance, like negative terms, like ugly. Um, I don't enjoy anything that has to do with like picking on me because of my weight, and I've had um eating disorders in the past. So again, if you or your partner has traumas involved, it doesn't mean that they are completely off limits just because you have the trauma, because again, degradation and humiliation are a way to explore these traumas, but for some of you, these things may be just too much. And so for me personally, that has a lot to do with my appearance and my weight. And so those are just topics that are off limits for us. And then you want to have safe words. So a lot of times when we're talking about safe words, we think of during a scene and we think something is too physically painful. And so we safe word when we're either close to our limit or at our limit. But safe words are really important when we're psychologically or emotionally at our limit too. And obviously that goes for the Dom or the sub. And so even when you're engaging in degradation and humiliation, you want to make sure that you have a safe word in place. And aftercare. Aftercare is huge because when you're exploring these different topics, some things can really hit close to home. And a lot of time our psyche and our body and how our body responds, it doesn't know what is real and what's not, what is play and what isn't. And so really implementing aftercare that helps to bring you down gradually and really just help you be in that good, healthy mindset again. So aftercare will look different for degradation and humiliation than it would for something physical. So physical aftercare, you might need to be rubbing, you know, different, you know, limbs that were tied and applying ointments and things like that. But with aftercare, it just might be some self-care, you know, maybe a bath, maybe a light massage, a lot of talking and cuddling, even hugging. So you know what is best for you and what you need, but definitely don't think, well, we didn't do anything physical. I we don't need to do aftercare. You you may need even more aftercare when you're doing more of these emotional um sadomasochism type of things. And now for some ideas and scenarios to get you started. So, so let's start with just some beginner things that you can try. And because you don't want to just start off with the really hardcore things because you don't know how you'll respond, especially if you're in a committed relationship with your your DS partner, it can be really hard hearing these things and experiencing these things from them. You know, maybe these were things you've heard from bullies or your parents growing up. And now hearing these things from your partner can be kind of traumatic too. So you want to start small. Um, and not all of these are verbal things, um, some of them are more physical things, and we'll be getting into these. But for beginner ideas, you really just want to start simple. So this could be things like light teasing, like really light teasing, different verbal humiliations, different role-playing scenarios. So um again, in terms of gender, if the man is the the sub, then you know, a little light teasing, like calling him a sissy, or even doing some kind of role-playing around that. Again, like the sky is the limit in terms of degradation and humiliation. You just have to really get creative. And then for intermediate things you can do, so you can venture into public humiliation. So, again, within safe limits too. And we want to make sure that everyone is consenting, so you know, obviously, no like hardcore sex or anything in in public, but you can take some of this humiliation in in public too. So if it's something like dressing a certain way, you can start doing that in public. Um, just more intense verbal play. Calling your partner a slut or a whore or different name calling, you can kind of just take it up a level too. And then if you're really advanced and you're ready to go to that next level after you've kind of tried the other things, you can definitely do more intense and elaborate scenes and scenarios. So different complex role-playing scenes, and you can combine the physical and the verbal humiliation too. There's just so many things you can do. So, for example, if the partner is doing some kind of getting inflicted physically and they start crying, the other partner can tease them about that, call them a crybaby while they're doing the physical things too, making them be on a leash while they're doing sexual acts. Again, like I have that list of 50 ideas to really get you started. So many things about, you know, different BDSM pain acts you can do, things like chastity, just having to do things like age play. There's 50 ideas, so definitely check that out. But you really want to make sure you're keeping the lines of communication open while you're doing that, and just again, making sure that you have those safe words that you're doing and that you're communicating afterwards and asking your partner how was that for you? Um, a lot of times we think of like, how is the submissive doing, but also how is the DOM doing as well, because they become more in this mean bully role. And that can be kind of hard to do that, and they may feel a little gross and ashamed saying and doing the things that they were doing. So definitely the DOM needs a good check-in too and aftercare as well. And then just during the scene, really reading your partner's body language, because even though maybe they haven't safe worded, maybe you can tell by their the way their demeanor is that it's just becoming too intense. So there's nothing wrong with adapting a scenario or a scene if something is just not going as planned, that maybe something is too much and you need to back off or try something, or maybe you're different doing different clothing and maybe it's just this one piece of clothing is just too traumatic for them. So you can definitely adapt and be flexible. You don't have to completely throw in the towel and think, oh, this humiliation, degradation thing, it just isn't for us. You can explore different avenues of it. But the biggest pitfalls you want to avoid is just going too hard too soon, ignoring the psychological impact that, you know, maybe you did something physical like a collar and a leash and were treated like a dog, and you thought, well, I physically was able to do that. I was able to crawl on my hands and knees and I did it just fine. Maybe I ate out of a dog bowl and I was able to physically do it. But we also have to see if we're able to do the emotional aspect of it too. So we don't want to neglect that and you know go slow and see how you respond. And you just really want to respect your partner and be sensitive to what they may be experiencing. Again, this goes for the dominant or the submissive, too, because you may be exploring some really heavy-duty things, like even race play and using racial slurs. And so you want to really check in with your partner and make sure that they're still consenting, making sure that this is still enjoyable for them. And there's things like consensual non-consent and exploring different aspects of that. And it may be because there was a past trauma experience and now you want to explore these things, and it's having not the effect that you thought it would be. So definitely approach these different humiliation and degradation ideas with huge respect and sensitivity, and especially too when you're doing public play at a dungeon or a big event, that a lot of these can be traumatic for other people to even watch. It could be seen as too degrading, too humiliating. So if you're doing some hardcore things, then maybe when you're doing them at a dungeon or at an event, maybe back off a little and just maybe reserve those for when you're doing private play. And again, download your master list of 50 ideas for degradation and humiliation at domsubliving.com/slash degradation. And I would love to know, have you tried any of these ideas? Share with us, let me know in the comments. I'd love to hear it. But just remember the key to successful degradation and humiliation play is trust and respect and ongoing communication. Thank you for joining me today, and thank you for being a part of the Dom Sub Living community. You can check out all of the details and links for this episode in the description and show notes. And be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sub Living.