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I've been a 24-7 submissive for over 10 years. And apparently some of the things I do for my DOM are weird. And even other people in the lifestyle think they're too far. And no, you definitely don't have to do any of these to be a real dominant or submissive, but I'm gonna tell you anyways. So let's get into it. Welcome to the Dom Subliving Podcast. Today I'm sharing five weird things I do as a 24-7 submissive for my Dom. And I mean weird. These aren't your standard I call him sir or I wear a day collar kind of things. When I've shared some of these with my own peers, like other educators, even people who have been in the lifestyle for years, I've gotten the okay, that's a little out there. So if you think you've heard it all in this space, let's see if that's actually true. I'll be honest, part of why I wanted to make this episode is that once you've been doing this as long as I have, people assume nothing surprises you anymore. That's just not true. I still get messages from people in my own community telling me something in their dynamic that kind of makes me pause for a second and go, like, okay, that's different. So consider this an open invitation. If you have something weirder than what's on this list, I want to hear it. But before we go any farther, hi, I'm Alessandra and I teach about power exchange, 24-7 Dom Sub dynamics, and what it actually looks like to live this lifestyle day to day, like not just during a scene. And that's really the whole theme of this episode. Everybody in this community talks about what happens during a scene or at a dungeon. Nobody talks about the weird little things that happen on a random afternoon when nothing is happening at all. I'll say this too, if you're already deep in this lifestyle, you kind of might catch yourself thinking, oh, that's just normal to us. And then two minutes later you might hear another thing I say and think, okay, that one's a little too much. That's exactly why I wanted to make this episode. Weird isn't one exact standard, it changes based on who you ask, even within the kink community. So let's get into it. The first weird thing I do, I can't believe I'm saying this on a podcast, but I keep track of my O's, if you know what I mean. Now, a lot of women and people with uteruses will do things like track their cycle, and a lot of their partners track it with them. That's not weird, but we track something completely different in our dynamic. I have found that tracking my releases is actually a better predictor of my mood than my cycle itself. I know hysteria isn't a real medical thing, but I'm telling you, it might as well be for me. When I go too long without one, it doesn't just affect me. It kind of has a trickle-down effect on our entire dynamic. I get irritable, I get disconnected, me and my dom fight more. I mean, have you ever noticed how everything feels harder to deal with when something in your life is out of whack and your needs are kind of way overdue? That's what this is for me. So I obviously can't say certain words on YouTube or online. So I hope you know what I'm talking about here. But here's how I actually track it. So I I use the the cat with the heart eyes emoji in my calendar app for every time that I finish. And my Dom knows exactly how often I need it, and he kind of tracks the interval too. This isn't a whenever we feel like it type of thing. It's a maintenance schedule, almost almost like a prescription. Plus, full disclosure, I have OCD, so this just may be another thing that I hyperfixate on about and just kind of, you know, I'm really weird about. But we still have our regular scenes, usually weekly, plus we do weekly maintenance bankings, but the actual O's are what give me like really high endorphins. They give me oxytocin, the serotonin, it regulates my brain. I've even had a psychologist I was seeing confirm this for me, like directly. He said that for some people, it really is like medicine. So when I say tracking my O's is a weird thing I do as a submissive, I mean it's tracked with the same seriousness that you would track a medication schedule. My DOM isn't just paying attention to what I need in the bedroom. He's managing a variable that keeps our whole dynamic running smoothly. I have a student in my community who also tracks their intimacy and scenes and other things, but she kind of took it to a step further and started logging her mood on a scale of one to 10 and would do it every night. And that way her and her Dom could actually see the pattern in black and white instead of just guessing. And within a couple of months, they could predict almost to the day when she'd start getting bratty or withdrawn. So that's not just like woo-woo out there thinking that's just paying attention to data that you know most people never bother to collect. It's kind of wild that we track our steps and our sleep, our water intake, but almost nobody thinks to track something this directly tied to their mood and their relationship. And honestly, that one isn't even the one people push back on me the most. Like, wait until you hear what my Dom does with my phone. So the second weird thing I do as a 24-7 submissive is my Dom puts restrictions on my phone and he tracks my location. And I want to be very upfront here because every time I share this, someone in this lifestyle, like sometimes even other educators, they'll tell me that's abusive or that's toxic or that's a red flag. And here's my answer to them every single time. Like everything else in this lifestyle, even the weird stuff, it's consensual. I consented to this. So let's start with the location tracking because, like, I think that's just practical. Like we're married, we have kids, I have health issues. We genuinely need to know where each other is. So we both share our locations. My husband is a foreman for a construction company. So he's on a different job site in a different city almost every single day. We live in Los Angeles. And do you know how annoying it is to text someone when are you coming home? like over and over while they're stuck in traffic on the 405. I don't have to do that. I just check his location and map the route myself. It kind of just saves us both a headache. But that's just sharing our locations. The phone restrictions are a different story. And this is the part that's more clearly a submission thing than a relationship thing. I have a hard time with screen time. So scrolling, social media, kind of just goofing off online instead of doing something productive. My DOM set what's basically a consensual bedtime for my phone use, and there are restrictions in place to enforce it. And here's a story that always makes people laugh when I tell it. But I was out with a group of vanilla friends, and one of them said, like, oh, let me show you this on Instagram. And so I picked up my phone and the app had already timed out. And my friend kind of just looked at me like I was crazy and said, like, what do you mean it timed out? Like, you're not 10 years old. Like, why do you have app restrictions on your phone? So with my vanilla friends, I usually say something like, Well, my husband put, you know, some restrictions on my phone just to help me with my screen time, which I mean is technically true. I just kind of leave out the part where the real reason is that every minute I spend kind of just mindlessly scrolling is a minute I'm not, you know, spending serving him or working on being a better submissive. He's constantly trying to help me become a better version of myself. And that's just one of the tools he uses to do that. I think it's just the built-in screen time feature on iPhone that he's using to do it. And it's, you know, just locked behind a code that only he knows. To be honest, I'm not even entirely sure how he set it up. It's probably best that I don't know because if I did, I would absolutely find a workaround because I'm a brat like that. But isn't that kind of the point of submission sometimes? Like removing the option to cheat the system so you're forced to actually grow. But have you ever noticed how much mental energy goes into resisting a habit versus just not having the option in the first place? Like that's what I've seen for me. Okay, now here's where it gets physical, and not in the scene-based way you're probably picturing, but in a way that most people, even in the lifestyle, never even really think about. The third weird thing I do as a 24-7 submissive for my DOM is train my body. So not just exercising, although I do that too. I mean training specifically for kind of what I talked about in the first part of this episode about the O's. So I'm also training my body for my role as a submissive overall. So think about it this way: like vanilla people train their bodies for intimacy all the time. Like they exercise, they stretch, they do yoga. Like we've seen the commercials for pills where they tell you to ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for intimacy. Like, exercise is good for everyone, and I do plenty of it. Like I run, I do yoga, I lift weights, I walk almost every day. I see that as just one way of serving my Dom, of just kind of keeping my body fit and attractive for him and useful. But I also train in ways that go a little further. So I use something called Benoit balls, which are just weighted balls designed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. Again, they help directly with what we talked about in the first section of this episode. But sometimes my dom will assign me a task like wearing them for an hour, and he might text me, you know, to check in or ask me for a photo as proof that I'm actually doing it and not just saying that I did. But there's more than that, too. So there's gag reflex training, pain tolerance training, um, different kinds of conditioning that, again, I see as making me be the best submissive I can be for him in both body and mind. Um, one of my students told me once that she started doing something similar and she was, you know, training on her own before she even told her partner because she wanted to surprise him with how much she, you know, improved. So that's the mindset a lot of us submissives carry into this. It's not something being done to us, it's something we're actively working toward. Pain tolerance training is one people ask me about a lot. It's not about becoming numb. It's more like building a wider window for what you can handle in a calm way, like the same way an athlete builds endurance over months instead of just expecting, you know, improvements overnight. So maybe you start with the lightest implement that you own, um, just doing it a few minutes at a time, and then work up in intensity and duration. But a lot of the bodily training I do doesn't even involve my DOM. Because have you ever thought about how much of submission actually happens completely alone with nobody watching, just because you want to be better for someone? That's this entire category of weird things I do. So, okay, this next one is going to sound small, but trust me, this is actually the one that surprised a fellow educator that I know it surprised them the most when I brought it up for their podcasts. So the fourth weird thing I do as a 24-7 submissive for my DOM is I follow physical position rules that have absolutely nothing to do with an active scene. So you already know that positioning happens during scenes. Like at the start of a scene, I'll kneel and that's how things officially begin. But who says that has to stay inside the scene? If we're just relaxing and watching TV, I might sit on the floor near him while he's on the couch. If we're having a conversation and we're both standing, I'll usually sit down at some point, kind of just showing my place in a small way. Sometimes he he doesn't even notice, but I do it because I want to, like, not because he's checking up on me. Other times he'll tell me directly to sit, or I'll wait standing until he gives me permission to sit down. There's no scene happening, there's no written protocol. It's just a standard default for how we move throughout the day. I get why this one throws people off, though, even people in the lifestyle. Like, why would you think about whether to sit or stand when nothing is even happening? Um, so that fellow educator once told me about a listener who wanted to do exactly this in their own relationship, but they were worried about what guests or their kids would think if they walked in and saw them sitting on the floor while their partner sat on the couch. And I told him the same thing I'm going to tell you. There is nothing inherently weird about sitting on the floor. Like plenty of people in other cultures around the world sit on the floor, and it's completely normal. I actually grew up this way, like long before I knew anything about DS. Um, my family was kind of poor. Um, well, okay, we were poor, we we were on food stamps, but there were five of us crammed into a house with just one small couch, and all of us kids sat on the floor, like even as older teenagers. And my mom also had a strict rule like no eating or drinking on the couch, period. So I just got used to sitting on the floor all the time early on, and it just stuck. And as an adult, I'd go to friends' houses and just sit on the floor out of habit, and they kind of look at me strange and you know, say, like, you can sit on the couch, you know. And I just tell them, like, I'm actually more comfortable down here, like I'm fine. Now, with my Dom, I'm more intentional about it, of course. Like if he's sitting, I'll usually sit on the floor, or if he's standing, I might sit in a chair. Um, you know, sometimes I'll wait for permission before I even sit at all. It just kind of depends on what he's trying to reinforce in that moment. As a submissive, I'm just trying to listen and follow his lead, even in these tiny, invisible ways that nobody else would ever notice. My one piece of practical advice here invest in a soft rug or a few good pillows, like your knees and your hips will thank you. Trust me. Now, if you're worried that you will have company over and you're worried about what they will think if they see you sitting on the floor, let me assure you, like nobody outside of you and your partner are ever going to understand the meaning behind it anyway. So trying to hide it or explain it to guests just isn't worth the stress. Like, why do we assume everyone watching needs an explanation for something that has nothing to do with them and isn't a big deal, anyways? Now, before I get to the last one, and honestly, it might be the weirdest one on this list, I want to tell you about something. So I put together a free how to be a good sub cheat sheet. It walks you through some of my personal protocols and standards in more detail so you can start applying them in your own dynamic. You can grab it for free at domsubliving.com slash sub. Um, the link is in the description too. But okay, let's get into number five. The fifth weird thing I do as a 24-7 submissive for my Dom, I wear bondage gear underneath my regular clothes. Like out in public doing completely ordinary things like grocery shopping. Like, we all know bondage and kink typically happen during a scene, but I like to wear certain pieces under my clothes during the day, um, just to kind of feel more submissive while I'm out living regular life. It's kind of a similar idea to wearing lingerie under your clothes, except I'll wear things like rope chest harnesses or thigh cuffs or small clamps on certain areas of my body. Wearing bondage gear under my clothes, like even while doing something as mundane as grocery shopping, it just feels comforting to me, kind of like a weighted blanket. Um, sometimes I'll notice the marks it leaves later, and it just kind of like makes me smile when I see it. This is kind of weird, but it actually reminds me of my grandmother. Um, I know that's weird to say, but she was one of the funniest people I've ever known. And she had a saying for just about everything, but her biggest fear in life was getting into a car accident while not wearing clean underwear. Like she was terrified that if paramedics had to help her, they'd see she didn't have on clean underwear. And that thought just kind of horrified her. I think um a lot of grandmothers pass that down to their kids and grandchildren, like, never leave the house without clean underwear on because you never know if you're gonna get in a car accident. But I think about that a lot, honestly. Like if I'm out running errands with bondage gear on, like underneath my clothes, and if something happened and paramedics had to get involved, like what exactly would they think? Like, would they even notice? Have they seen that before? Would they say anything? It's a strange thought that just kind of always makes me laugh a little and think of my grandma. But there's a whole range of ways to do this. So chastity cages are another example. But a lot of people only use gear like this during a scene. But as a 24-7 submissive, I like to wear it throughout the day as a reminder of my role. A lot of the time, my dom will assign me a specific piece to wear, like specifically, so I don't forget who I'm serving and I wear it throughout the day, and just so I go throughout my normal activities and I'm thinking about him. I mean, isn't there something almost funny about wearing a piece of your most private kinky dynamic into the most ordinary and public and vanilla setting imaginable and nobody knows about it? Okay, so let's run through all of these one more time. So the five weird things I do as a 24-7 submissive for my DOM are one, I track my O's, two, my DOM puts restrictions on my phone, three, I train my body in specific, sometimes unconventional ways, four, I follow physical position rules that exist completely outside of any scene, and five, I wear bondage gear under my clothes during total normal daily activities. Now I want to hear from you. Do you think these things are weird? Do you already do some of these yourself? Maybe you heard this whole list and thought, like, that's it. That's that's nothing. My dynamic is a lot weirder. So if you do have something even weirder than what I just shared, I genuinely want to know. Like I'm always looking to go a little farther and scare the vanillas. So drop it in the comments or DM me on social media or come share it with me directly in my community at domsubliving.com slash community. And again, if you're looking to become a better sub or you're a Dom trying to help train your submissive, definitely grab that free how to be a good sub cheat sheet at DomSubliving.comslash sub. The link is right there in the description too. And until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sub Living.