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As a submissive, I can tell you there are things we notice about our DOMs that they don't always notice about themselves. And I'm not talking about how strict or experienced they are. There are four skills that can completely change our dynamics, and most DOMs aren't paying enough attention to them. In the world of BDSM, what truly separates a good DOM from a great one? Well, today we're uncovering the four key pillars that really elevate a dominant so that their submissive craves serving them. Whether you're new to the scene or you're a seasoned practitioner, these insights will transform your approach and deepen your dynamic in incredible ways. Welcome to the Dom Subliving podcast. Now before we begin, if you want to become a better Dominant or you're a sub who wants to help their Dom improve, I want to first tell you about my free how to be a Good Dom quick start guide. You can download it at DomSubliving.com slash Dom, and it includes a list of tips for how to improve in the dominant role and what makes a good DOM. So you can download that for free at DomSubliving.com slash Dom. So before we start actually talking about how to become a better DOM, we need to just go over really quick the foundations of BDSM. So these are things like making sure that you know your basic skills and practicing in a safe, sane, consensual way, having trust and respect in your DS dynamic. So the aim of this episode is really to explore practical ways that DOMs can improve their practices as a dominant and deepen their connection with their submissive. So the first way to improve is to cultivate effective communication. I'm sure I've been a broken record talking about communication, but communication is just so critical because it establishes trust, it establishes consent, and just helps you to better understand your partner's boundaries. So if you're struggling with being an active listener or encouraging your sub to open up and have that really open and raw dialogue, some tips I have for you are things like I messages. So this is when you communicate in a way where you say, I feel this because this happened and I'd rather this happened. So making it, you know, about you, saying I instead of just always you do this, you don't do this. Also, journaling is a great way to communicate with your sub, to give them a journaling prompt, and or even if they don't have a journaling prompt, just having them journal and the dominant, if if it's in their, you know, agreed upon rituals and rules that the dominant can then um read the submissive journal. And then having regular check-ins. So these can be daily. Um, we like to do um like a mini check-in daily, where at the end of the night I kneel. We also do end-of-the-week check-ins before my dom goes to work, and this just really keeps the lines of communication open. And there are times where I'm really struggling to communicate myself, and my Dom doesn't really know how to communicate with me either in those situations. So some things he does is, you know, again, encouraging me to journal where he just gives me permission to vent. It doesn't have to make sense, um, and I can just kind of braindump everything that's going on for me, and he can kind of get this big view of what is going in my mind, even if it doesn't make sense, even if there's no rhyme or reason to it, but at least he knows what's going on in my mind. And then another thing he does, this is super cute, um, because our dynamic does have aspects of DDLG. So sometimes when I'm really struggling and I don't want to talk or I can't talk, I just am having a really hard time. So a lot of you know I have a stuffy, a stuffed animal that is Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. I've had pictures of him on Instagram before, he's made the rounds there. But so one thing my dom will do when I'm really, really struggling, and especially if I'm in little space and having a hard time, you know, and if I have my stuffy, my Eeyore, my Dom will say, Well, what is Eeyore thinking right now? Or what is what does Eeyore have to say about this? And so I will let my Dom know, well, Eeyore is feeling this way, and Eeyore's scared about this, or Eeyore's worried about this, and that allows me to kind of project what I'm really thinking and feeling in a way that feels more safe at the time for me. And that way my Dom can kind of get some insider secrets from my friend Eeyore and really, you know, just understand what it is that I'm struggling with so that he can help, or just even be a listening ear. And it gives me a way to communicate. Another way for DOMs to really work on their skills of communication is through scene negotiation. So the this is happening before a scene. It could be with your contract that you have, but where you really talk about the goals of the scene, what do you want to do? What do you not want to do? What are your hard limits? What are your soft limits? So this can be a really fun and sexy way to just keep those lines of communication open. So, you know, before a scene, having that quick negotiation, or if it's a partner that maybe you don't play with regularly, um, or maybe you're kind of in this new dynamic, taking more time to have that negotiation is really important. And then in conjunction with that, after the scene, you want to have good aftercare communication. So when the submissive is coming down, the the DOM can, you know, ask questions like how was that for you? Was there anything you would have wanted more of? Is there anything you maybe don't want to do again? Um, you know, and even checking in the next day, you know, aftercare doesn't have to stop like 10 minutes after a scene, you know, it can go on even the next day or multiple days. And so keeping those lines of communication open are really, really valuable in regards to having a scene. So that was the first way a Dom can improve is to cultivate effective communication. And the second way a Dom can improve is by education. So a Dom is never done learning. I know in the beginning of a DOM's journey, they tend to read anything and everything they can put their hands on, and that's a good thing, but that eagerness should always be there. A Dom should always be learning. So, what are some things that a Dom and a Sum can be learning about? Well, these would be things like different BDSM practices, so different fetishes, different things you can be doing during a scene, different ways you can use new toys and gears, different um safety protocols and different psychological aspects of power exchange. It's it's never ending. And so there's just always so much to learn, especially in the field of psychology. It is just a huge rabbit hole that you can go down. So definitely keep learning and educating yourselves in those areas. So, how can a DOM keep learning? Well, there's lots of ways. So there's lots of online and offline ways. So offline means like going to actual BDSM events, munches, different groups, different dungeons, um, just talking to other people and just seeing and observing and learning from people. And then, of course, online there's workshops you can attend, there's courses you can take and communities, different virtual events like our Dom Sub Dynamic Summit that's coming up. You can actually find all of our um resources and courses and things like that at Dom Subliving.com slash courses. But um, there is just so much out there and learn from different perspectives too. I know when my Dom was first starting out, he was he really benefited from learning from different DOMs and seeing how different Doms did things. So, you know, he just again took anything he can get his hands on. He, you know, liked going to different dungeons and clubs and seeing how other DOMs practiced and just learning those, like not only the physical skills, but also the mental skills too. So finding those groups was really um beneficial from him for him because he could talk to other DOMs as well. So that is the second way a Dom can improve is by education. And the third way a Dom can improve is by having emotional intelligence. So emotional intelligence plays a huge role in helping a DOM to become a responsible and effective dominant. So this means being empathetic towards what a submissive needs, what they want, um, their different limits, and all of those things can help strengthen your DS bond. So empathy is a really a key skill that DOMs need to develop. And it's really when they they don't try to just fix things for their submissive, but it's when they really are trying to feel what the submissive may be feeling. And so empathy is just a huge skill for dominance to learn. And so, like, I highly encourage doing as much research as you can on how to build empathy. And a Dom needs to really recognize and manage their own emotions before they can try to um like manage their submissive emotions, and so a few ways for Adom to do this. So, first I want to point out I did a great interview with my dominant. You can find it at domsubliving.com slash zero zero seven. That was episode seven of the podcast, and I interviewed him and he actually shared some ways that he does he does this. But um, one of the ways that really helps him and a lot of other dominants that I talk to is um meditation. Meditation is a great way to um build that emotional IQ and just really be more in control of your emotions, really sit with them and understand them. And that way it helps in all the other areas. You can learn better, you can communicate better. So, meditation is it's something I do as well, and so um that is a really huge way for a DOM to continue to grow. And of course, there's things like therapy. Therapy is extremely beneficial for DOMs and subs, but I highly encourage DOMs to go to therapy. Um, it's a great way to understand your emotions and learn how to handle your emotions. Um, also, journaling is great for DOMs. I know we always talk about how submissives should be journaling, but journaling is also a great thing for DOMs too, because you know, DOMs have to put up with a lot, especially if they have a brat. Um, they may be going through a lot and just being a DOM is hard. It's a lot of responsibility, there's a lot of second guessing. Um, so being able to write out everything a DOM is feeling and just kind of leave it there can be really, really helpful. And one thing I'm I'm just gonna put out there, but don't play games. Like a submissive is a human being and you can do a lot of damage if you, you know, are childish, if you play games. So have emotional maturity and just don't toy with another person's emo emotions. So BDSM is supposed to be practiced by consenting adults, so we're all adults here, so just don't play games. So that was the third way a DOM can improve is by having emotional intelligence, and then the fourth way a DOM can improve is by cultivating creativity. So I highly encourage DOMs to explore their own desires and their own boundaries as part of their personal growth. Um, all of their focus should not just be on the sub. That is just a recipe for disaster. They should be putting in just as much work and time and energy into themselves as they do for their submissive. And then also just have fun and get more creative when you're designing your scenes and your punishments and your rewards and your rituals because that way you're keeping your dynamic fresh and engaging, and not just for you, but also for your sub as well. And that just keeps you out of that vanilla rette, too. So keep finding different um ways to just kind of spice things up and just keep your submissive guessing and just also keeping it new and fresh for you as well. So there's lots of ways to incorporate your your own personal interests, your own personal fantasies into your DS dynamic. Um, and you can do it in you know a consensual and respectful manner, but just some you know creative ways to kind of get your creative juices flowing. Um, you know, if you're really like to work with your hands, you know, maybe look into becoming a rigor in working with rope bondage and doing Shibari and suspension bondage and all of those things, and really like honing your skills and improving. Um, you can design your own BDSM furniture, like a St. Andrew's Cross, or um a spanking bench, or even just designing your own toy chest can be something you can do as well. If you like to enjoy the outdoors, you can design an outdoor scene, and that could be a fun way too, to incorporate some of your hobbies and things you like during your scenes. Another fun way is with role playing. So if you're into Star Trek, you can do some Star Trek role-playing scenes, and that can be a lot of fun. So the point of you know, injecting this creativity into your dynamic is just to keep exploring as a DOM and to keep growing personally as a DOM. But those four areas that a DOM can and should improve in are communication, education, emotional intelligence, and creativity. And if you want to become a better dominant or your sub who wants to help their DOM improve, I have that free how to be a good dom quick start guide. You can download it at DomSubliving.com slash Dom. And it includes a list of tips for how to improve in the Dominant Role and also what makes a good Dom. So you can download that for free at DomSubliving.comslash Dom. Thank you for joining me and being a part of the Dom Subliving community. You can check out all of the details and links for this episode in the description and show notes. And be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode.