SPEAKER_00 0:00

I have a confusion. I thought the Beast from Disney's Beauty and the Beast was way hotter before he turned into the prince. And apparently, I'm not alone. But telling your partner you're into monsters can feel pretty awkward. So today we're talking about why Monster Kink is so appealing to both Doms and subs, and five ways you can try it tonight. Welcome to the Dom Sub Living Podcast. Hey, it's Alessandra, and today we're talking about Monster Kink, which covers everything from werewolves, vampires, demons, and basically any creature with claws, fangs, or horns. I know some of you saw the title of this episode and thought, okay, this one's probably not for me, but if you stick around, I think you'll realize you've had a little monster kink in you for a long time, just like most of us. We're going to cover what Monster Kink actually is, why so many of us were set up for it when we were children, and why it fits a DOM sub dynamic almost perfectly. And then we'll get to the fun part, five specific ways to try it tonight. But there's one thing I want you to hold on to for later. There's a single moment in every monster scene that decides whether the experience feels hot or scary in the bad way. And most couples skip right past it. So I'm going to tell you exactly what that moment is and how to handle it. But first, so what is Monster Kink? Well, to put it simply, Monster Kink is being turned on by the idea of a creature that isn't fully human. That could be a vampire, a werewolf, a demon, an alien, a sea creature, or just anything weird and not human. For some people, it lives entirely in their imagination. It's just like something they fantasize about. And maybe they read Monster Smut, and that's as far as they want to take it. That's totally okay. For other people, it shows up in role play. Maybe they wear masks or they use toys that portray monsters. And for a lot of people, it's actually somewhere in the middle of those two. It's more like something they may just sprinkle into their scenes. So what do people actually enjoy about this? Well, if you were to ask them, they're not going to say, I want to be with a real werewolf or whatever it is. The monster they're fantasizing about is usually just a projection of a feeling. And for most people, that feeling is one of a few things. So there's the size difference, like feeling small next to something enormous. There's being hunted or being claimed, like you're completely, you know, belonging to something else. There's being wanted so desperately that the other person almost loses control. And then there's the one I hear the most often, which is being desired by something that could destroy you, but it chooses not to. So does any of that sound familiar? If you're in a DOM sub dynamic, you already know what a power exchange relationship is. And so a monster kink can just be a different kind of power exchange. And maybe you already know that you have a monster kink, but you've just been embarrassed about it. Like maybe you've been in the BDSM lifestyle a long time and have done things other people would consider extreme, but the monster thing feels silly and a little weird to you. Maybe you're okay telling your partner, I like to be tied up in bed, but there's no way you can tell your partner you're into something like werewolves. But it's not weird at all, and there's a real meaningful desire underneath it. So that's the idea I want you to keep coming back to today. So now that you know what a monster kink actually is, now let's talk about where this fantasy came from. Why is it so common? Well, I think a lot of it started when we were kids. I remember being a little girl and watching Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Think about what that story actually is. A young woman is held captive in a castle by a huge, angry, furry creature with fangs and a bad temper, and over time she chooses him over the handsome guy in town. I watched that movie over and over, and even though I didn't have words for it back then, I knew the beast was way more interesting than Gaston. Gaston was the typical guy, and he was boring as heck and honestly kind of gross. On the other hand, the beast was dangerous and moody and even a little bit sad, and he kind of softened, but only for her though. Isn't that exactly what so many of us subs still want? Someone with real power who is vulnerable only with us. And then there's the ending of the movie where he transforms into a beautiful prince. And even as a little girl, I was a little disappointed because I liked him better as the beast. I knew I was a little different even as a kid. But the point is, monsters have been the love interest for a very long time. The original Bram Stoker's Dracula is basically a seduction story, and vampires have been, you know, considered sexy for over a hundred years. Then there's an entire generation that grew up on the Twilight saga, where a literal teenage girl falls for a vampire who is terrified he's going to kill her the whole time. So there's that same idea again. He could destroy her and he chooses not to. So that's just an embarrassing fact about me. But there's a ton of other movies where people fall in love with the monster. There's The Shape of Water, which is about a woman falling in love with a sea creature. And that one actually won an Oscar for Best Picture. So that tells you this isn't just a niche fantasy, it's a mainstream kink. But what actually got me thinking about this episode was finally reading Mary Shelley's Frankenstein this year. And even though I knew of the idea of the green guy with bolts in his neck, like everybody else knows that, the book is so different. The creature, and and yes, I'm gonna be a snob who refers to him as the creature and not Frankenstein or the monster. But the creature is intelligent and lonely, and he even teaches himself to read. He just desperately wants to be loved, but everyone who sees him is just disgusted by him. Then I finally watched the I think it was the Netflix version. I was a little late to the game with that one, but it's with Jacob Alordi as the creature, and it was really, really good. And I think obviously the the reason they cast him was because he's this tall, conventionally beautiful man. You know, he looks like a supermodel, and he's playing this thing that everyone just thinks is a monster. You're supposed to feel for him and sympathize with him, and it works. But that's the essence of pretty much all monster stories. They're frightening on the outside, but they're yearning for connection on the inside. So if you've felt drawn to any of these types of books or movies, like it's not random. You've been fed these stories since you were small. So of course, some of it stuck, and of course, some of it turned into desires when you finally grew up. I was just in Barnes and Noble the other day, and monster romance books were all over the shelves. It's all over social media too. So fantasy romance has become its own category. People aren't hiding it the way they used to. Okay, so now you know where this fantasy came from and why monster kink is so common, but this is a BDSM podcast. So why am I talking about it? Why does this type of kink fit the Dom sub lifestyle so well? Well, there's a specific reason monster fantasies and power exchange go together. And you know, once I explain it to you, you'll understand why your own fantasies might actually lean this way. Let's go back to that idea in Monster Kink. So something that could destroy you, but chooses not to. In a Dom sub dynamic, the sub gives the Dom real power. What makes that feel safe and exciting at the same time is that the Dom uses that power with care. They could push harder and take more, but they hold back because they genuinely care about the sub and consent. I've said this before on the podcast, but sometimes my DOM is literally holding my life in his hands. A monster is that same idea just turned all the way up because it's stronger than you, faster than you, and it doesn't play by human roles. But in the fantasy, it wants you and only you, and it restrains itself for you. That's exactly why subs love it. You get to surrender to something so much bigger than yourself that fighting it doesn't even make sense. There's an incredible relief in that because you don't have to decide anything or perform for anyone, and you simply get to be caught. What people rarely talk about though is that it's really good for dominance too. So many of the DOMs I work with get stuck in their own heads. They worry that they sound silly doing dirty talk, and they worry about being too much or not enough. The entire time they're thinking, like, am I doing this right? A monster, on the other hand, never second guesses itself like that. Monster kink also overlaps with many things you might already be doing in kink, like primal play, predator and prey, size play, biting and marking, sensory play, degradation, and maybe even blood play. If any of those are already part of your dynamic, monster kink is just a new layer added on to the things you're already doing. Now, before I give you the five ways to try it tonight, I want to tell you about a free resource. If you want help planning any scene, monster or not, go to domsubliving.com/slash scene. It walks you through building a scene from beginning to end so you're not improvising everything in the moment. And there's even a free sample scene you can download there too. So again, that's domsubliving.com slash scene. I'll put the link in the description too. And one more thing before we get to ideas for tonight, I just want to briefly mention the moment I see most couples skip when they start doing Monster Kink. So that way you won't make the same mistake. And it's the moment the monster stops being a monster. In most scenes, the DOM is still obviously themselves when it's over. They have the same face and the same voice, but in a monster scene, you're working hard to make your partner feel like there was something inhuman. And for the fantasy to work, it has to feel a little bit real. That's the exciting part and also the risky part because if the sub needs to return to reality, they need to come back to their partner, not to the monster. So without a clear way to make that switch, a sub can kind of just end up feeling lost or kind of just scared in a way that isn't fun anymore. So before you play, agree on a like back to reality cue. Like, so this is a signal that the monster is gone and the real person is here. It could be removing the mask if you are wearing one, saying the sub's real name in your normal voice, or turning on the lights. Whatever you choose, you both need to know what exactly it means. The safer the exit feels, the deeper the sub can go during the scene. And then the second thing, because the monster might not be using words, they may be like growling or grunting, you need a safe signal that doesn't require words either. That could be a double tap on the arm, dropping an object that was, you know, held in their hand, or you know, snapping your fingers or something. If the sub can't speak or the DOM isn't talking, that signal still has to work. And here are a few quick questions to just discuss before you play. So, what kind of monster are each of you picturing? Is it more of a beast like a werewolf? Is it more elegant like a vampire? And then which parts excite you most? Whether that's the chase, being pinned, being bit, and then what's off limits, and how will you both know when the scene is finished? That conversation might take five minutes, but it'll make the next hour or so so much better. So, so do it. All right, so that was the moment I see most couples skip. Now, here are five ways to try Monster Kink tonight. They start easy and become more intense. So choose where you want to begin. You can also mix and match too. So, number one is just start with a story. So before using any props, just try telling the fantasy. The DOM describes the monster while maybe the sub is just lying there with their eyes closed, um, explaining what the monster looks like, how it moves, and what it wants. You can read a scene from a monster romance novel together, or you can just kind of make it up as you go. This is the lowest pressure way into Monster Kink because nobody has to wear anything or feel self-conscious. And it just shows you very quickly which part of this actually turned you on. Um, you know, DOMs watch your sub's body to see whether they're reacting to the chase part or is it the size, the claws, because that tells you where to go next. You can even just watch a monster movie if you really want the lowest effort version of how to do this. Okay, way number two, put on a mask and don't use words. So use some kind of creature mass, like maybe a half mass or even a hood that just hides the face. And the DOM stops using human language completely. So communication is just only through breath or growls or grunts or just touching, even. You'd be amazed how different this feels. Words and language are a big part of what makes us feel human. So when you take that away, your partner suddenly becomes something else. But remember your nonverbal safe signal that we talked about earlier because the DOM won't be checking in out loud. Okay, and idea number three, turn it into a chase. I think this one's my favorite. So this is where Monster Kink and Primal Play meet. Give the sub a head start, turn off some of the lights in your house, and let them hide while the monster hunts. When they catch them, you know, that moment that the sub is discovered and they're grabbed or pinned and held down, that is what many people are really craving when they say they like Monster King. It's the feeling of like I struggled, I couldn't get away, they overpowered me, and now I'm caught. So if you're going to do this one, clear your space and move anything sharp or breakable first because you want them running from the monster, not running into a coffee table. Okay, idea number four: make the touch feel inhuman. Our hands feel like hands. So use things that don't feel like hands. Try claw rings, vampire gloves that are just kind of dragged lightly across the skin. You can use a Wartenberg wheel, even, um, fake fur or something cold. You can use your teeth or fake teeth, um, especially if biting is in your agreed-upon limits. Definitely blindfold the sub for this one because when they can't see, their imagination kind of just fills in the gaps and it will create something more bigger and wilder than any costume you could have ever bought. I had a student who tried something like this with ice and claw rings, and she said that having the blindfold on just made all the difference. She said, you know, I knew it was him, but I didn't know it was him. So that's exactly the feeling you're going for. And then idea number five, bring in fantasy toys. There's now a whole world of body-safe silicone toys that are shaped like tentacles or creature genitalia with colors and textures and shapes that you'd never see on a human being. If roleplay makes you feel awkward, this is a great option because the toy basically carries the fantasy for you. You could use it just by itself or with a strap on, even. But once you pick up something that's clearly not human, the story kind of just basically writes itself. So look for body safe silicone from a store you trust. Use lots of lube and just start, you know, really slow and simple. Okay, I actually have a bonus idea for you because those five ideas I just gave you all involve the DOM being the monster, which is how most people picture this kink. But I promised you something at the start that almost nobody talks about. So, what happens when the sub is the monster? So this flips everything around. And for some couples, it's even better. Think about Beauty and the Beast again. On the surface, the beast has the power since he's huge and frightening and owns the castle. But by the end, who's actually the one more in control? Well, Belle tames him and he changes for her. In the sub as monster version, the sub plays the creature wild and hungry and a little out of control. And the Dom is the one who tames it. I just realized that maybe this kind of mirrors a little bit of the brat dynamic, so maybe that's why I like this too. But here are a few ways that this can look. So for a leashed creature, the sub is a beast that's been captured, and the DOM holds the leash, and the creature can growl and pull and test boundaries while the DOM teaches it to behave and to kneel and wait and can earn rewards. If you're already doing any kind of pet play or training, this will feel completely natural. In the hungry vampire story, the sub can play a starving vampire who isn't allowed to feed without permission. They have to ask and they have to beg, and the DOM decides if and when they get to bite. That's control and denial and begging, which means all of your favorite Dom sum aspects combined. In the monster in training scenario, the sub is a creature learning how to be good while the Dom gives commands or corrects their bad behavior and praises good behavior. It's basically submissive training, except the sub gets to be feral while they're learning. These ideas are perfect if you're a submissive who has always felt like you're way too much as a sub, like you're just too loud or too wild. Maybe you thought a good submissive was supposed to be quiet and soft, and you just aren't that. So you always just felt like you were failing. Playing the creature can just make everything click because you get to express all of it: the growling, the fighting, the hunger. And then the Dom gets to be the calm, steady one who brings their partner back down. It can make the wildness and the unruliness feel like part of the dynamic instead of a problem within it. So if you're a sub who has ever felt like you're just too much, just kind of sit with that one for a moment. What if your intensity isn't a problem to fix? What if it's something your DOM gets to tame? And for DOMs, this switch is a fun one to try if you're tired of always being the scary one. You get to be the steady hand and the keeper, the one that the monster finally obeys. You'll still need your safe signal and your back to reality cues here. And the DOM needs to watch closely because a sub playing a feral creature might push harder than they ever have. So be prepared for that. You know, just as the DOM getting to be a monster can let them go further, it can do exactly the same thing for a sub. And once you've had your monster scene, please don't rush because after care, after monster play is so important. You just spent so much time making your partner feel like they were with something inhuman. So now they need proof that the person that they trust is back. Use the cue you agreed on, take off the mask if you were wearing one, turn on a soft light, say their real name in your normal voice, let them see your face and touch them like yourself rather than like the monster. Just be really slow and softer. If the sub was the monster, do the same thing in reverse. Bring them back to themselves. Like tell them they did well. You can hold them, you can remind them that you know they're your person again. Then check in, like both that night and the following day. Some people experience a drop afterward, you know, especially after a scene involving fear or chase. Ask them how they're feeling, what they loved about it, what they change, because that's how the next scene gets even better. And DOMs, check in with yourselves too. Like coming out of character can feel strange since sometimes it's a rush and sometimes it's a little unsettling to just kind of realize how far you went. That's completely normal. So talk about it with your partner. But the main point I want you to take away from this episode is Monster Kink isn't really about creatures, it's about size, the chase, being claimed and being wanted by something that could destroy you and chooses not to. We were raised on those stories as kids, and in a dom sub relationship, the monster just takes the dynamic to a whole new level. Again, if you want help planning your first monster scene, go to domsubliving.com slash scene. There's also that free sample scene you can download, and I'll put a link for it in the description too. And if you want to connect with other people in the lifestyle who understand these different types of kinks, come join us at domsubliving.com slash community. But I really want to hear from you. So tell me who your first monster crush was. Was it the beast, a vampire, an alien, the Borg Queen from Star Trek, or was it something else entirely? Let me know in the comments or message me on social media or DM me in our free community at domsubliving.comslash community. But have fun exploring these Monster Kink ideas. And until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sub Living.