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Most people have no idea how kinky they actually are. Some think they're totally vanilla, while others swear they've done it all. But whether you're brand new or have years of experience, these 10 questions might surprise you. And by the end, you'll have a pretty good idea of what kink level you're really at. Welcome to the Dom Sub Living Podcast. Hey, it's Alessandra, and on this show, I share what I've learned from living in a 24-7 Dom Sub marriage, and I teach people how to explore BDSM in a way that's safe, fun, and genuinely feels like them. And one thing I've noticed over and over with my students is that they have no idea where they're starting from. So they either feel hopelessly behind or rush into things they aren't really ready for. That's exactly why I created the Kink Personality Type Quiz, which has six different results. Today I'm covering four of them: the Vanilla Newbie, the BDSM Connoisseur, the BDSM Expert, and the Kink Chameleon. The other two are secret types that you'll only discover in the full quiz. And trust me, one of them is a lot. If you'd rather get your result now, you can take the full quiz at domsubliving.com/slash quiz. It only takes a couple of minutes and it gives you your level and type. It tells you what it means, your next steps, and it gives you free resources for exactly where you are. The link is in the description too. For this episode though, treat these 10 questions that I'm going to share, treat them like thought exercises. So grab a notebook or just use the notes app on your phone and think about what's honestly true for you and keep a little tally of which type keeps coming up. And be honest because nobody's watching. Well, unless that's your thing, but we'll actually get to that in question number three. But first, question number one that I want you to think about. How many BDSM toys do you own and how many do you actually use? If you own exactly one and you've had it since you're a teenager, you're probably leaning vanilla newbie. And if you have the basics like a flogger and ropes and cuffs and a riding crop and you actually use them, that sounds like a lot like a BDSM connoisseur. If you have a huge toy chest full of dozens of pleasure and pain implements and you know how to use every single one, that's more BDSM expert territory. If you own like a few toys but only bring them out once in a while, depending on your mood, that's kind of classic kink chameleon behavior. And if you just ordered a couple of toys online and you can't wait to try them, that actually points towards one of the different niche types. So make sure you take that online quiz. But here's the thing: a huge toy chest doesn't automatically make you the kinkiest person in the room. A while back, I actually worked with a student who had, and I'm not even exaggerating here, but they had an entire closet full of toys. And it included like a spreader bar that was like still in the box, though. And they told me that they had only used about four of the things that they owned because he kind of just felt like shopping was still making progress, but he was just too terrified to ever introduce them to his partner. So toys tell you about interest, but they don't always tell you about experience, which is why how many you actually use matters more. My first bondage gear was just like one of those pairs of fuzzy pink handcuffs that I got from a lingerie party I went to, and they broke the first time we actually used them. I just, you know, laughed so hard that I completely forgot what we were supposed to be doing. But that was my starting point. Like everybody has one. And honestly, the the toy question is just a warm-up. The the question that reveals the most about your level is coming up later. But question two is what's your favorite song to be intimate to? And why is it that one? If you'd pick something soft and romantic, like maybe classical music, you might be a vanilla newbie. And there's nothing wrong with that. If you have a dedicated playlist and maybe there's evanescence on there, the weekend, Enigma, Rihanna, then you're probably a BDSM connoisseur because you think about the experience really intentionally. If your answer is, well, it depends on the mood, being flexible like that is a big kink chameleon clue. And you'll hear me talk about that again and again. And if your mind went straight to the 50 Shades of Gray soundtrack or to closer by nine-inch nails, like those answers lean more toward the other types in that online quiz. And again, there's no judgment here because plenty of people in the King community discovered this lifestyle through 50 Shades of Gray. And that's a completely legitimate place to begin. So again, no shame in that. I'm a playlist person, so you know I have one collection for slow sensual scenes and another one for when things get more intense. But the reason why this question is so important is because it's not really about the music, it's about how intentional you are. Like, do you just let things happen or you do you deliberately create the environment? Okay, now question number three. How do you feel about the thought of other people watching you during intimate acts? If your gut reaction is that it would probably traumatize you, you're maybe leaning towards vanilla newbie. And again, that's okay because knowing your boundary is just valuable information. If your answer is, well, it depends on who's watching, that is kink chameleon energy again. If your first thought is that it's fine as long as you and your partner have both consented, you're thinking like a BDSM connoisseur because your mind first went to consent before anything else. If it reminds you of the kinky exhibitionist party that you went to last weekend, you're probably a BDSM expert or possibly one of those other two types. Or if it's only okay as a video you shared anonymously, that's another answer that points towards one of those other types. Whatever it is, or whatever you wrote, notice how strong your first reaction was before you thought it through. Exhibitionism is one of those kinks people either get excited about or they like desperately want to avoid. And both of those reactions are completely valid. Your gut response usually tells you more than your thought-out written answer does. Now, remember what you wrote here because question seven is going to look very familiar to this one. The way your answers to number three and number seven compare is one of the most revealing parts of this whole exercise. And most people don't answer them completely the same. Now, question number four is what does kinky look like to you? Now, in the online quiz, this one uses pictures, and it's a little different from the others because it's less about your level and more about your flavor, so to speak. Some people picture something playful and little, like age play, little space, or the DDLG vibe. Some picture rough with like hair pulling and getting pinned down. Some people picture something hot with lingerie and heels and teasing, or some picture like obedience where they're kneeling like quietly waiting for instruction. And some go classic with just black lingerie and handcuffs. Any level can love any of these, of course, but a vanilla newbie might be drawn to just the classic handcuffs, while an expert might look the exact same way. But what this question tells you is which part of kink calls to you, whether that's play or intensity, seduction, or just one of the classics. Mine is kneeling every single time. Something about kneeling just drops me right into my subspace headspace, and that simple quiet position says more than anything I could be wearing. And a lot of times I'm not wearing anything when I'm doing it. Okay, we're halfway there, and this is where things shift because the first four questions are mostly about taste, while the last six are about actual experience. That's where your level and type really becomes clear. So, question number five: how do you enjoy bondage and what have you actually tried? If you've played around with handcuffs maybe once or twice, you're probably a vanilla newbie. If you know a few rope ties and like to throw in a blindfold for fun, that's more like a BDSM connoisseur answer because that still takes real skills. If some days you're the dominant one during bondage and other days you're the submissive, like there it is again, that that back and forth is one of the strongest kink chameleon signs. Now, if you love getting held down during intimacy or holding your partner down, that points to one of the other levels in our quiz. And if you take it to the extreme with like suspension bondage and ball gags and hooks, like the works, you're either a BDSM expert or that other secret type. And I'll give you a hint about which one at the very end. But the first time my Dom tied me up with real rope, like actual jute rope, not the polyester novelty kind, but it took him forever. He had a tutorial paused on his phone and he kept stopping and starting it over and over, and I just kind of laid there like half giggling and half just kind of getting kind of impatient. It wasn't exactly hot, but I still remember that time, and he finally got it right, and then I couldn't move, and I was like, oh shoot. And that's when everything clicked for me. Okay, now question number six is what would your ideal relationship mostly consist of? If it's cuddling and romance, you might be a vanilla newbie, and again, totally okay. If it's lots of communication with a little experimentation to spice things up, that sounds more like a connoisseur. If it's clear, dominant, and submissive roles with rules and punishments, you're probably a BDSM expert. And if you don't really do relationships at all, like no labels and you like keeping your options open, that leans towards that chameleon again. And if it's hardcore BDSM scenes like during the week and kink parties on the weekends, that's one of those other types in the online quiz. So whichever of those sounds like the relationship you actually want, think about that, and not the one that you think you should want. For me, it's mostly clear roles and rules, and yes, punishments, because that's what our dynamic looks like. But that isn't the correct answer. It's just mine. One couple I worked with had completely different answers here. Like she wanted cuddling and romance, and he wanted clear roles and rules, and they came to me worried that they kind of weren't compatible. But what we discovered was that she loved being taken care of and he loved being in charge, and those desires aren't really opposites at all. So they built a dynamic with lots of aftercare, plenty of cuddling, and just a few simple rules, and it worked out great for them. So if your answer doesn't match your partner's, that isn't a dead end. It's just a beginning of a conversation that you need to have. All right, question number seven. Now, remember question three where I said that one would be related to this one? Well, here we go. So, how do you feel about the thought of watching other people be intimate? So, this mirrors the question that we had in question three. If it would traumatize you, that leans towards newbie. If it depends on who you're watching, that's chameleon. If it's okay as long as everyone has consented, that's more like a connoisseur. And if it reminds you of that voyeuristic party that you went to last weekend, that may be an expert. And if it's fine as long as it's just anonymous actors on the internet, that points towards that other type that is in the online quiz. Now look back at what you wrote for question three, because for most people, the two answers point to two different types. And that's the part that genuinely surprises people. If you're comfortable watching but not being watched, there's probably some self-consciousness involved. Maybe it's around your body, or you kind of have fear that you're gonna be judged. If it's the other way around and you like to be watched, but you're not comfortable watching other people, you might get a lot out of being seen and admired, which is worth exploring with your partner. Either way, the gap between your two answers is something to journal about because a lot of times it shows exactly where your next edge is that you should explore. But even if both would kind of traumatize you and you're not comfortable with it at all, this very next question may tell a completely different story. So, question number eight, how do you feel about experimentation? If you just like switching between a couple of favorite positions, maybe you're a vanilla newbie. Again, no shame. If you believe everyone should try something at least once, that's kind of a connoisseur mindset. If you feel like there's nothing left that you haven't done, you might be at that expert level. But I have one question for you if that's the case. Are you sure? Like I've been living this lifestyle for a long time and I'm still discovering new things. And when we get to question 10, that question might change what done it all means to you. But if you go through phases where sometimes you want tried and true, and other times you kind of just surprise even yourself, that's that third flexible answer that I pointed out, and it's textbook kink chameleon. And if you have a lot of fantasies but feel like too nervous to try any of them, that that doesn't make you less kinky. It means you just haven't had a safe place to begin yet. So pick the smallest thing from your list or write down just one fantasy, like just that one, and like you don't even have to ever say it out loud, but maybe just start with thinking about that and focusing on that. Now, question nine is the one I've kind of been hinting at because out of all the 10, it reveals the most about your level. So the question is how do you feel about giving or receiving pain during intimacy? Now, if you'd say being intimate is supposed to be about pleasure, not pain, you're likely a vanilla newbie. And again, that's totally fine. Plenty of people like never touch impact play, and kink isn't a pain contest, so no worries there. But if you love exploring pain thresholds with clear safe words, that's more of a BDSM connoisseur or a BDSM expert because that one word, your safe word, is the difference between rough and intentional. If you like to mix things up with maybe biting one day and a belt the next, again, that's that's kink chameleon all the way. If you just like it rough and raw, no matter what you're doing, or if what you do would honestly scare some people, that points towards one of those other types in the online quiz. But pain is where the gap between curiosity and experience becomes like the most obvious because lots of people enjoy things rough, but like hardly anybody knows how to explore pain intentionally with real communication and reliable ways to stop it. The first time I got a real spanking, like not a playful SWAT, but like a real one, um, we actually didn't have a safe word because we just hadn't thought about it. And when it became too much for me, I just like froze because I didn't know how to say stop without feeling like I was ruining everything. After that, like obviously, we always had a safe word. And honestly, having a safe word made me more brave and willing to go harder because I knew I can make it stop. Now, before I share question 10, again, if you already want your actual result instead of your educated guesses here, take the full quiz right now at domsubliving.com slash quiz. The link is in the description. Then come back because when I recap all of the different levels, I'm going to tell you the one thing each type usually gets wrong. So question 10 is what kinds of experiences turn you off? Now this one's sneaky because what turns you off reveals as much as what turns you on. If casual hookups turn you off, you might be a newbie because safety and familiarity like really matter to you and you want to know and trust the person you're with. If rough and dirty with like no connection turns you off, that sounds like a BDSM connoisseur because you're not against rough, you just need it to mean something. If any experience that doesn't start with a conversation about safe words or limits just totally turns you off, that's more of that BDSM expert answer. And if you told me in question eight that you did it all, like notice this because doing everything isn't the goal. Knowing how to do it well is. If anything routine turns you off because you need to mix it up, that's the fourth flexible answer. And at this point, if you keep nodding along to those, you're almost certainly a kink chameleon. And if tender, romantic encounters makes you kind of just gag or roll your eyes, that points towards a completely other niche level that I share in the quiz. But that reaction usually tells me you've already discovered that intensity does something for you that softness just doesn't. So look at your tally. Like which level or type came up the most? Let's recap all four and also the one thing each type usually gets wrong. If you landed mostly on the vanilla newbie, your strengths are that you're safe and you're practical and predictable. And that means you understand yourself and you don't do things just to impress other people. But what newbies get wrong is believing that they're behind. Like you're not behind. You're you're at the beginning. Like right now, you might be nervous to even dip a toe into the kinky pool, and that's completely okay. But your next step is to pick one thing from today that felt a little exciting, like maybe the blindfold or just having a playlist and start from there. If you landed mostly on the BDSM connoisseur, your strengths are that you're sensual and smart and attentive because you care about how everything feels for your partner. What connoisseurs get wrong though is getting too comfortable. Like you found what works and it feels so good. So you keep repeating it and without noticing it, kink can just kind of slowly turn into its own kind of routine and you'll get into the vanilla rut. So your next step is to add one new layer to something you already love, like a new rule or a new toy, and then use it in your other tried and true scenes. If you landed mostly on the BDSM expert, you've done a lot and probably done it well, and you're probably the person newer kinksters look up to. But what experts get wrong is assuming they've learned everything. So remember the there's nothing left I haven't done, people. The experts I respect most, they stay curious and they keep asking their partners questions and they keep refining their skills. So your next step is mastery, which means better experiences rather than just more, like deeper negotiation or even mentoring someone who's newer. Okay, and if you kept nodding along to all the flexible answers, you're a kink chameleon. Your strengths are that you're easygoing, you're intriguing, you're versatile, and people find you fascinating because they never know what you'll want next. But what chameleons get wrong is never building anything consistent. So sometimes your partners don't know what you want because honestly, you don't even know what you want all the time either. So many chameleons ask me whether they're a switch or are they just indecisive. And you're not doing anything wrong. So your next step is to choose one thing and stay with it for a while. Now, if your tally was full of answers, I said point towards a totally different secret type of level. Here's your hint. One of the secret types is for people who are curious but haven't fully jumped in yet. They're kind of standing at the edge of the pool with their toes like already wet. So if you just ordered your first toys or you've got fantasies you've never tried yet, that might be you. And then the other one, well, let's just say if your answers about pain and bondage went straight to the extreme, you probably already know. That's the type that would intimidate some people at a play party. But to find out for sure, definitely take that full quiz at domsubliving.com/slash quiz. Your results will include next steps and free resources for exactly where you are right now. Then come back and tell me in the comments which type you got or reach out to me on social media and tell me because I want to see how many newbies or connoisseurs or experts or chameleons that we have in our community. And if you landed on one of those other niche levels too, definitely tell me that as well. Wherever you landed today, your kink level isn't a grade, it's just your starting point. Thank you for spending this time with me. And until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sub Living.